Your e-mails archives 2004/05

 ** E-MAIL OF THE WEEK **

Police appeal for information!

Whilst out and about, socialising on Trinity’s presentation evening last Saturday Trinity’s popular player/joint manager/raconteur Jim ‘Mullers’ Mullowney visited the Mook cocktail bar in Leeds City Centre with some of his playing colleagues.  For a matter of moments he must have taken his eye off his drink and in that window of opportunity someone spiked it with drugs or something.  As a result the usually sophisticated and ebullient Mullowney gradually turned into what may have looked like a drunken wreck, but really it was the strong drugs, and he fell asleep on his chair. Mullowney can usually drink twenty pints and still be all right so the drugs that were put in his drink must have been very strong, and potentially dangerous.  So if anyone has any information on who may have spiked Mullowney’s drink it is very important that you e-mail Trinity FC Online now and they will pass your message onto us in the strictest of confidence.  Otherwise next time it could happen to you!

The West Yorkshire Police, West Yorkshire

It's a sad fact these days that there are some wicked people out there who will try to harm people.  Your e-mail emphasises why people should be so vigilant when they are drinking in town.  Therefore your appeal for information has been been awarded e-mail of the week!  Readers if you have any information at all, no matter how trivial you think it is, e-mail Trinity FC Online now!

Excellent awards evening!

Well done to Trinity for an excellent awards evening.  Everyone had a good time and not one student was started on, despite the fears beforehand.  The highlight for me was Gareth Curran’s joke.  I won’t spoil it for anybody but if you see Curran when you’re out ask him to tell you the one about the duty manager letting go of the epileptic.  You’ll be in stitches!

Pearson’s mate

You're quite correct on both counts.  The awards evening was excellent and Gareth's joke was indeed very amusing.

Save Platty!

Why, oh why, oh why, are Coronation Street axing Martin Platt?  Don’t they realise he is by far the most loved soap character on the box.  Everyone warms and relates to him as the lovable, straight talking Northerner (reference to loud leery conversations with his pal Webbo in the Rovers Return).  He might be a male nurse, who appears to be unrealistically as knowledgeable as a doctor sometimes, but he loves his footie.   He’s been a keen 5-a-side player in the past, well that’s what he told Gail anyway when he was sh*gging behind her back.  The way he booted that Baldwin lad in the street showed what a traditional tough player he is, not one of the modern diving variety (the sort that play for Leeds Medics).  As well as all that he’s been one of Trinity FC Online’s best ever guest editors.  So join me readers as I demonstrate outside the set of Corrie next Wednesday in the nuddy holding my big placard (that’s not another name for my kn*b)!

Martin Platt is a fantastic soap character, as well as a close friend of the Trinity FC Online team.  Readers join Kenny next week in demonstrating outside the set of Coronation Street if you want to make your views heard, though if it's cold you may wish to be fully clothed.

Marathon Man!

I heard the reason Trinity's Jamie Connolly wasn't at the presentation evening was because he was doing a half marathon for charity the following day.  That f*cker should have been able to eat a full Snickers!  I thank you!!

Very amusing.  But seriously well done to Jamie!  Let's hope he raised lots of money for charity.

AGM Time!

It's nearly that time of year again when Trinity players get together round a table in the Pack Horse and have their AGM.  The clever wags in the team will no doubt be making wisecracks about McIntyre's lack of quality IT formatting on his documents, whilst secretly appreciating the fine job he does for the club in his capacity as secretary/treasurer/puppeteer to the management. However this year the AGM is a particularly big one for Trinity.  The club is at a crossroads (I overheard someone say recently).  With the club set to have too teams next year it's very important they make the right appointments and set the correct foundations for the club to prosper in the future, otherwise a load of players might be leaving!

You're quite correct, it is an important AGM coming up for Trinity.  And Trinity FC Online will be the first website to bring you the news of all AGM developments as they happen!

Amusing awards please!

Much as I enjoy your website, being that as well as being informative it is terribly amusing and tinged with irony (that only the most intelligent of readers would understand) I can’t help feeling that the awards given out this year are a tad dull.  How about some amusing, off the wall awards?  For instance you could give awards for worst dressed player, and the player who’s said the silliest thing in the changing room.

We're pleased you enjoy the website Maisy.  But we're not sure if the description 'amusing' or 'off the wall' can be attached to your awards suggestions.

Best laugh!

Regarding last week’s e-mail concerning which team is the best laugh in the Yorkshire Old Boys’ League.  Surely there’s only one winner.  It’s got to be the Trinity FC Online team!

Russell, Moortown

Thanks Russell.  We aim to please!

Reply ASAP

My dear friend, Good day.

Please, I want to introduce myself and this business opportunity to you.  My name is Denis Coleman, a bank accountant.

I wish to know if we can work together.  I would like you to stand as the next of kin to my deceased client who made some deposits to my bank.  He died without any registered next of kin and as such the funds now have an open beneficiary mandate.  Moreover it appears you are related to him by the virtue of your names.

If you are interested you do let me know so that I can give you comprehensive details on what we are to do.  I urgently hope to get your response as soon as possible.

Denis Coleman

Readers if you wish to work with Denis the bank accountant e-mail Trinity FC Online with your details, and we'll pass them on.

** Red Card **

No awards deserved!

It’s me again the big fat boring f*cker who plays in goal for Leeds Medics.  I notice you’re giving out awards.  Well Trinity shouldn’t get awards for being second.  We deserve awards for being first.  Trinity’s award should be a big f*ck all.  So f*ck off!

There's only one award you deserve and that's the red card.  You're off!

 ** E-MAIL OF THE WEEK **

Looking for club!

NAME: JAMES ADENUGA   
SEX:    MALE
AGE:      16
NATIONALITY:  NIGERIA

Good day, I am one of the numerous ambitious guys in Africa, with the believe of hard work, deligence, dedication and determination. Please read through this and I hope and pray the you would be of help. I am a young boy, with tremendous courage, skill, abilty, speed and endurance in the game of soccer, but I am desperately in need of a club right now and I would prefer any european club so as to develop my talent and improve myself. I am a student, but not financially bouyant thats why I want to use soccer to earn a means of livelyhood though it is a part of my life and what really makes me who I am, so as to help my family also. I do not want this talent of mine to be wasted, I know that I can match against some of the best young players right now, I have been so unfortune not to have any club to display what I can do. Mostly I do play as an offensive mid-fielder,but at times I play defensive, that right-full back, but few times I play on the offence, that is an attacker, really I must confess that I am at my best in mid-field mostly as a central mid-fielder but there is virtually any role that I can't play.  please I plead with you to consider me, I will be of great help to any club you assign me to, and I would be grateful even if it is a division 2 or division 3 club because I would be ready to be committed to any club that I find myself so has to help the club to be promoted and to see myself improve because the real action of tough training which I am ready to go through to see myself as a real professional. But really I don’t mind a top flight team or a divsion 1 team. Please I am counting on you, please help me and you would not regret helping me cos when I am in the lime light you would always be referred to.  I'll be extremely appreciative if you can be of help.  Please reply me as soon as possible.

James Adenuga, Nigeria

The Trinity scouts will certainly check you out as they are always interested in quality midfielders.  Otherwise it won't be long before someone of your talent is signed up.  For your well written (to say you're not English), polite e-mail you've been awarded e-mail of the week!

Get fit Pearson!

Well done Robbie Pearson for scoring a good goal in the last game of the season for Trinity.  It’s good to see you fit and playing.  Let’s hope you get back to full fitness so that you can have a great season next year.  I hope you don’t sign for an Old Boys team down in Northampton, such as Northamptonians or Old Northampers, so you can spend more time with your new girlfriend (or boyfriend – it doesn’t matter to me, I’ve nothing against b*nders)

A Trinity fan, Cross Gates

Yes a 100% fit Pearson would be an excellent asset to the Trinity squad next season.

Best laugh in the League!

Well done for Leeds Medics for winning Senior A, they were an excellent footballing side that deserved the title.  However if the league table wasn’t based on football results but was based on which team was the best laugh then I think the YOBL league table would be somewhat different.  For a start Medics would probably be at the bottom rather than the top due to the fact they probably bore everyone stupid with their depressing tales of doctors’ surgeries and operations they have to deal with.  They should learn to chill out when they’re not working.  Here are my top three teams in reverse order (as they say in the telly!) 

In third place are Stanningley.  They probably all get together round the snooker table with their pints and have a good laugh at working class things, such as getting p*ssed the night before, fighting and getting thrown out of clubs.

Second place goes to Collegians. Their banter would revolve round what they do to their workmates when they’re on the night shift, like sh*tting in each other’s sandwiches and that sort of thing.  There would be plenty of loud swearing to make the banter even better.

And in first place would of course be Trinity.  They could offer the working class banter as some of the players had manual jobs in the past, while in their summer vacations at university.  However they could mix it with the intellectual wit, which they have in abundance, offered by the well-read members of the team. 

Naturally in Senior B East Ardsley would be the champions.  They’ve proved time and time again what a good laugh they are, with their banter on the YOBL website.  Leeds Medics Reserves would probably finish bottom, for the same reasons as their first team.  Old Headingley would run them close (see Burnsy’s boring contributions to the YOBL website).

However knowing the League committee they’ll probably still compile the league tables on the basis of results as they have always done, the boring c*nts!

S. Clubb, Bramhope

The Trinity players are indeed fantastic, entertaining company in any social setting.  But let's not put down any other teams.  They are all likely to be entertaining in their own particular ways. 

Warning to students!          

I see it’s the Trinity presentation night on Saturday.  Knowing that lot they’ll have a right good laugh early on but they’ll get aggressive within a couple of hours if they see any soft looking students about.  You’re safe if you’ve got a skinhead and look quite hard, they won’t touch you.  But if you’re small and weedy, with a non-Yorkshire accent you’re advised to stay in the Royal Park or at home smoking your wacky-tobaccy!

An experienced observer, Pack Horse

The presentation night should be a fantastic occasion.  Let's hope everyone has a good time and a trouble free night.

Gardiner the teacher!

Word on the grapevine is that Chris Gardiner is on the verge of qualifying to be a teacher.  Knowing that c*nt he’ll soon be the Minister of Education.  Wouldn’t that be f*cking mad!

Julie Bass, Oldham

Trinity FC Online wish Chris Gardiner all the best in his teaching profession, where he is sure to enrich the lives of many students as well as developing them academically.

MESSAGE FROM BARCLAYS BANK OF GHANA

TRANSFER OF $13.5MILLION UNITED STATES DOLLARS
Sir, I am using this medium to relate this offer to you in the sence that I am the FORIEGN OPERATION DEPARTMENT MANGER of the BARCLAYS BANK OF GHANA, that for the past 8years we have the afformentioned of of money in our bank which I hope can be deal between I and you.

Proceedure-You only needs to fill the forms of claims and fund release form which will be confirmed from my Desk.  Approval will be given by the ministry of finance immediately I will be the person to do the remittance myself and please if you are interested forward your bank details and the name ,phone contact of your bank attentionee so that they can confirm the existence of the account to avoid the fund going to a wrong account.

%-you will be given 20% of the total sum of money transfered into your account that is $2.7million usd and give vissibility studies on the project we can set up on the balance.

Please to make everything very fast fill and return those form sent to you and letter of transfer will be sent to you as well.

Thanks for your anticipated co-operations.

For someone who works in a bank you're spelling is terrible.  You need to visit a bank yourself, the 'Bank of Words'.  Otherwise known as the Oxford English Dictionary.

When the players votes for man of the match get read out after the game Chris Gardiner always says 'now it's getting interesting' every time his name gets read out.  Ironically I think it is very uninteresting when he comes out with that comment and I'm pretty sure everyone else does too!

Stevie T, Temple Newsam

You may find it boring because his name gets read out a lot, as his team mates appreciate that he's had another excellent season representing Trinity!

Will Trinity FC Online be doing a review of Trinity's season like you usually do?

Tim

Yes it'll be published next week, only on Trinity FC Online!

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** Red Card **

F*ck off readers!

I play in goal for Leeds Medics, you know the big fat boring f*cker who has nothing in common with his team mates (due to the fact that they’re quite intelligent and I’m a f*cking divvy with no formal qualifications).  When we beat Yorkshire Bank a couple of weeks ago I turned round and told the Trinity players who were watching to f*ck off.  I want to tell the readers of Trinity FC Online they can f*ck off too.  We won the title and Trinity came second so f*ck off!

Medics keeper, Leeds Medics

Well done for winning the title but for your complete lack of grace in victory you've been given the red card.  You're off!

 ** E-MAIL OF THE WEEK **

Gardiner’s Household!

I notice that Chris Gardiner always refers to "we here at Gardiner's World" in his long-winded and often sleep-inducing feature on Trinity Online. Does this mean there is a significant contribution to the articles from Mr & Mrs Gardiner, Chris' mum and dad?

Could it be that Mrs Gardiner does a quick inspection for foul and abusive language and asterisks the swear words out of embarrassment at her son’s potty mouth? And perhaps Mr Gardiner takes a look at the spelling and grammar - literacy skills notoriously absent from would-be-teacher Chris' repertoire.

In any event, it is nice to hear from the Gardiner family even if they do go on a bit!

A Partridge, Inapeart-Ree

It's always good to hear from the family members of any player.  For your kind words you've been awarded e-mail of the week!

FootballMercato New Ads

Players seek clubs:

Bodrenko Maksim (Left defensive midfielder, 26 years, Russian Federation), Rollet Christophe (Left back, 21 years, France), Butler Chris (Goalkeeper, 30 years, US),  Mihindou Saint (Right forward, 22 years, Kazakhstan) 

Players proposed by agents:

Foe Nga Owono Ivan Dimitri (Right defensive midfielder, 17 years, Cameroon), Drame Boubacar (Left offensive midfielder, 17 years, Bahamas), Fosso Edmond (Right defensive midfielder, 17 years, Cameroon), Nouma Pius Alain (Left forward, 18 years, Cameroon)

footballmercato.com  

Thanks for yet another selection of players footballmercato.  If any of those players are tall the current Trinity management team are sure to be interested in them as rumour has it they're looking for a basketball sized squad next season!

Change the name!

I think Trinity FC Online should change the name of Gardiner's World to 'Gardiner's constant sly digs at Trinity legend O'Keeffe' because that's all he seems to do in every column.  It's a fucking disgrace.  Failing that they could change the name to 'Gardiner's extraordinarily long sentences', as most of the sentences are extraordinarily long.

Tommy Thompson, Bradford

Chances are Gardiner's World will not be receiving a name change.  However your points have been noted. 

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Hotmail Staff

The winks and nudges sound like great fun.  The Trinity FC Online team are sure to have fun with them.

** Red Card **

Referees are c*nts!!

Hands up if you think referees who have a good long chat to teams before a game, telling them how they can only give decisions if they see them, generally see f*ck all in a game and should shout 'carry on!' in a stupid voice at any sign of incident.  However to be be fair they always book the nasty players who say swear words.  Well trying booking me now you c*nts!

A player, Yorkshire Old Boys' League

Referees do a tough job and they deserve respect not foulmouthed criticism.  For your disrespect you've been given the red card.  You're off!

 ** E-MAIL OF THE WEEK **

Alright Mullers..........

Young Pearson tells me that you’re still a hit with the ladies and you are still involved in regular ‘extreme boozing sessions’. Well-done sir!

Anyway, in a more interesting fashion, I thought I’d send you a football related ditty that conclusively shows that racist violence can be humorous after all!

(Sung to the tune of Blaydon Races)

Boooooooowyer lad
you should have seen it comin!!
Fastest punch you’ve ever seen
you should have kept on runnin
Souness, Shearer & Shepherd
all had frowns upon their faces
Dyer didn’t pass to yooooooooooou
Cos you’re a f***ing racist!!!

All the George

South Leeds Elvis 

It's arguable whether racist violence is ever humorous.  However there's nothing wrong with a good sing song as they say.  For the lyrics you've provided you've been awarded e-mail of the week!

Knock it on the head Burnsy!

Hands up who thinks Burnsy, the Old Headingley manager in Senior B is a complete t*sspot! Always talking up "my club", whose players drink in "my pub" on the YOBL website. Working out mathematical permutations (those are big words for me aren't they) for the run-in in Sen B on his calculator and starting "why don't you come and pay us a compliment" threads on "The Headingley Derby", a derby match that was only overshadowed by the crowd trouble at the Milan derby.

He should take a leaf out of our books at East Ardsley and stop banging on about themselves!

Boy-Becks, EAWFC

It's good to see opposing teams selling themselves on the Yorkshire Old Boys' League website.  It can only add to the interest and enjoyment of the YOBL spectator.

Trinity aren’t good enough!

Mullowney believes Trinity should be playing to the same level as the West Yorkshire League teams and that they’ll do well in the Leeds & District Cup next season.  However Trinity simply don’t have the discipline and ability to compete that is required.  Also the forwards just wouldn’t be able to turn at the higher standard as the defenders get up really tight on them. 

R. Morris, Golcar (Huddersfield)

Maybe if the forwards ran forward then checked back before receiving the ball on the half-turn, they would have the time and space to turn and face the defender.  This is a technique that is effective at the highest level, such as in the Champions League and even in the World Cup.

I want a bigger kn*b!

Looking at the e-mail address of Trinity FC Online I noticed you have a Hotmail account.  I heard that Hotmail account holders frequently got e-mails sent to them regarding herbal remedies that increase one’s kn*b size.  I dare say these e-mails are probably filtered to the junk-mail box.  Anyway if you’ve received one of these e-mails could you publish it, as I wouldn’t mind getting an extra couple of inches if you know what I mean.  That way I’d have a great big fourteen incher!! 

Mike Okk, Bradford

It's Trinity FC Online's policy not to publish e-mails of the sort that you're describing, as it would seriously lower the tone of the website.  We'd like to think we're a good read for all members of the family.  If you want to read such an e-mail why don't you sign up for a Hotmail account yourself? 

** Red Card **

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MSN Hotmail Member Services

For being such a loyal member Trinity FC Online should get a 50% discount.  For offering such a small discount you've been awarded the red card.  You're off!

 ** E-MAIL OF THE WEEK **

Stop w*nking!!

Whilst I respect Trinity for their position in the Football league and their plethora of talented football players, I was a bit disappointed in their drinking ability as a team. Although I arrived after having 8/9 pints myself, after dinner which was served early evening with my Chicken in asparagus and Mushy pea sauce, lightly sautéed in an Italian pan from Tescos. With Jam and Sponge for Pudding for afters. They wanted to stay in the pub for afters I arrived to a cordial reception with familiar faces.

Unfortunately, nothing really happened to talk about. *

And that’s my email, I think everyone went home safely to bed. Fair play to you is all I say, plenty of pasta and carbohydrates, and don’t w*nk for days before a game and you'll go far........I once hit my shoulder! That’s my tip anyway.

Eamonn Kissane, Bristol

* Except Jordan asked this young fellow....student I think...well it  is a student pub, but he asked if the young chap would w*nk him off, I just ignored it as banter.   I know he's straight... so I just left it.

For your pre-match preparation advice you've been awarded e-mail of the week!

Player scouting

May I take this opportunity to thank Trinity FC for the chance given to prospective foreign players in fulfilling their dreams.  I would like to discuss a very, very exciting young player from Ghana, West Africa who had trials in Switzerland but is back home due to managerial problems.

To discuss this further I would be most grateful should you contact me thru my e-mail QuayeQuaye2001@yahoo.co.uk

Alex Quaye

Over the years Trinity have never been afraid to give foreign players the chance to fulfil their dreams as you put it.  Denis Katoro from Sudan is currently Trinity's leading scorer this season. Numerous Irish players have also played with distinction for Trinity over the past few years.  Gareth Curran, Stevie Travers are both current regulars.  Keith Doherty was a fantastic goalkeeper a few seasons ago, and who can forget Muldoon who didn't even know the rules before he started playing.

Players seek clubs:

Karweaye Seltue (Left forward, 19 years, D1, US), Christensen Jonas (Right forward, 16 years, Denmark), Thiebaut Anthony (Right forward, 22 years, D5, France), El Hamdouni Amine (Right offensive midfielder, 21 years, D7, France), Jarvis Craig (Right forward, 15 years, D2, UK)

Players proposed by agents: 

Drame Boubacar (Left offensive midfielder, 17 years, Bahamas), Bass Jeremiah (Right defensive midfielder, 27 years, US), Adrian Reist (Right defensive midfielder, 20 years, Barbados), Damian De Luca (Right defensive midfielder, 20 years, Barbados)  

Players proposed by clubs:

Fosso Edmond (Right defensive midfielder, 17 years, D3, Cameroon), Nouma Pius Alain (Left forward, 18 years, D3, Cameroon)

Coaches seek clubs:   

Berthelon Cedric (Manager, B.E.E.S. 1 - Entr.-prépa. Phy., France), Hullett Russ (Manager, UEFA 'A' - UEFA 'B', UK), Ribeiro Henrique (Manager, B.E.E.S. 1 - Animateur seniors, Portugal), Haas Christopher (Chicks manager, B.E.E.S. 1, France)

footballmercato.com  

Thanks for yet another selection of players footballmercato.  I'm not sure if the Trinity management team have fully scouted the last list yet.  Regarding your section 'Coaches seek clubs', are you suggesting the current Trinity coaching team needs replacing?  Readers e-mail your views to Trinity FC Online now!

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I'll see you inside.

Gavin Kissane, Leeds

We're surprised you've actually got 61 friends Gavin!  But seriously if any readers would like to join Gavin's network of friends just get in touch with Hi5, however you manage that.

Review the soaps Stevie!

Stevie Travers thinks he's good and clever with all the posh programmes he reviews (in his Travers on TV column) that only intelligent people watch.  He makes out he's too good to review programmes like Eastenders and Emmerdale.  But they are the best programmes on TV because most people watch them and he probably does too.  Travers isn't too good to review the soaps.  In fact he's not good enough, the stupid Irish c*nt!

Jamie C, Leeds 

The soaps are indeed watched by many people but Stevie may not feel the need to review them, as they are constantly being reviewed by the mass media already.  Most readers enjoy Travers' reviews as they are entertaining and informative.  Who can argue with his recommendation of BBC2's 'The Apprentice', which is arguably one of the best programmes on television at the moment. 

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Hotmail Staff

Virus protection software can indeed protect computer users from the prospect of having a miserable life, due to suffering from computer viruses.  Thanks again for more of your useful advice Hotmail Staff.

We're fast!

I play for Modernians who Trinity are going to play on Saturday.  We're a good young team with a lot of speed and we are going to cause Trinity a lot of problems on Saturday.  Our plan is to outmuscle them in midfield and then to send balls over the top for me and my mate Hochstrasse to run onto.  We'll win by a couple of goals and Trinity will kiss goodbye to any sad lingering hopes they have of winning the title.

Stef P, Modernians

We'll see what happens on Saturday Stef.  'May the best team win' as they say!

** Red Card **

Mail From Mr Bruce

Have you had any working experience?  If you're a graduate, then you can apply for the job offer from Exxon Mobil.

Visit my family website on www.martins.com

I'll be expecting the response this yuletide.

If you ever receive this email, call me on 2348037906437

Have a nice day!

Mr Martin Bruce, United States Embassy

Two points need to be made.  Firstly you've sent possible the most boring, self-indulgent website link Trinity FC Online have ever received.  Secondly your e-mail is completely irrelevant to our readers. For those reasons you've been awarded the red card.  You're off!

 ** E-MAIL OF THE WEEK **

Minibus debate!

After an excellent night at the greyhound races the other night, with my Trinity team mates, we boarded the minibus for our return back to Leeds.  Whilst on the journey home I was disgusted by some of the songs the lads sang.  For a bunch of seemingly intelligent gentlemen it was particularly surprising to hear some of the filth coming out of their mouths, swear words and everything.  Using the fact that they'd been drinking isn't a sufficient excuse.  May I suggest next time they make a similar venture they possibly have an interesting debate instead.  For example they could split up into two teams .  Perhaps one team could argue for the UK adopting the European currency and the other could argue against.  Then an independent party such as the driver could decide which team as argued the case the best.  The other team would then have to buy them a pint of lager or something.  As long as they don't take the debating process too seriously this could be a lot of fun, as well as mentally stimulating.

A Trinity player, Alwoodley

Interesting idea.  Whether the Trinity players would take up your debating suggestions is one thing but it is clear you have taken a lot of time to think what constitutes entertainment on a minibus, which is never easy.  For that you must be applauded and rewarded with the e-mail of the week award!

Well done Trinity!

As one of Trinity’s biggest fans me, and a group of my very attractive female friends, were just talking about what a positive influence Trinity are on football and society as a whole. I say this because of the wide diversity that can be found in the changing room and on the pitch every week for Trinity, so wide in fact that some of the team won't even know what I mean by diversity. Straight off the bat Trinity has a minority of players who even hail from Leeds, which is rare in itself.  If I'm not mistaken of the 14 players who took part in the game on Saturday only 4 were born in Leeds and one of them is unsure. They have a German, 2 Irishmen (one from the North so he's more British I suppose), a player from the Sudan, a Derbyshire toff, a Scot, 3 Mancunians, an Oldham lad, a Slough socialite and a loveable cockney, in their squad. What an excellent British and international mix. Unlike several amateur teams they are not entirely white or entirely black, although the majority of the team are technically white, Dennis and Leroy are black and I'm sure the deciding factor for them in joining Trinity was their embracing broad minded outlook. All classes are also catered for; the Upper middle classes (Tom Priestly and Matthew Jordan); the middle classes, Neil Higgins, Jimmy Yates, Robbie Pearson, Martin Clubbs, Gus Martin; working class heroes, Paul 'Macca' McIntyre, Jim 'Mullers' Mullowney and Chris 'G-force' Gardiner; the lower working classes Mick Toney, Dave 'Killer' Kilsby, Leroy and Dennis Katoro; the Irish(ish) Gareth Curran and Stevie Travers and Mark Ryan. All sexual orientations are also taken care of, those in committed monogamous relationships, those who are young and trendy and play the field, those with loose wedding rings, those who abstain from sex (Ryan), paedophiles, Robbie Pearson and the flamboyant g*ys, Gus Martin and Neil Higgins. Therefore as an attractive young woman I'm bound to notice that TRINITY IS A TEAM FULL OF P*FFS, MIDDLE CLASS TW*TS, CATHOLIC POPE LOVERS, BIG EARED IRISH SIMPLETONS, PAEDOS AND BALD C*NTS, SO I'M OFF TO SUPPORT A TEAM THAT DOESN'T HAVE ANY OF THAT SH*TE, Stanningley!  They keep Football white anglo-saxon, God Bless.

Trinity is indeed a team made up of players from different cultures and backgrounds.  However all have one thing in common, the love for the beautiful game commonly known as 'football'!

Credit where credit's due.  Trinity played well on Saturday when they beat us.  When we equalised we thought we'd beat them as we were well on top in midfield.  At half-time we said all we had to do was get stuck into them and they wouldn't like it and that appeared to be the case.  However when Trinity's three subs came on and played really well.  The two forwards were very fast and lively and tore into our tiring defenders.  They just couldn't cope.  Next time we'll be ready for them and we won't go out on the beers like we did this time.  Good luck for the rest of the season, apart from when you play us again obviously.

Stu, Abbey Grange

Thanks for your complements Stu.  The Trinity players will definitely appreciate them.  Good luck for the rest of the season yourself, from Trinity FC Online.

What I wish would happen this week!

I was reading that column on your home page, 'What won't f*cking happen this week' or something like that, written by that big headed f*cker Gardiner.  Well I know what I wish would happen.  I wish that fat c*nt Gardiner would f*ck right off.  But he probably won't.  Maybe he should put that in his sh*t column.

Tony, Bradford 

We're disappointed you don't appear to be enjoying his column, most readers do.  Let's hope you enjoy the rest of the columns and pages on Trinity FC Online, the website with something for everyone!  

We're going to get stuck in!

I sent an e-mail a few weeks ago saying that Trinity bottled from playing us and you red carded it saying the game was cancelled due to the weather.  But it was all right that day, I'd have played!  Anyway this Saturday is meant to be sunny so Trinity won't have an excuse for not turning up.  I've heard they were lucky to beat Abbey Grange on Saturday and they weren't very good when Abbey Grange were tackling and getting stuck into them.  Well that's what we're going to do on Saturday and we'll have plenty of shots to test their keeper.  But we'll do it for all ninety minutes of the game.  Trinity won't like it, and they'll like it even less when we finish as 3-0 winners!

Paul (forward or midfielder), Adel

We'll see what happens on Saturday Paul.  'May the best team win' as they say!

** Red Card **

Paddy’s Day!

Imagine my disgust when I read on the Lowe down that Gareth will not be available for selection on Saturday due to “Irish commitments”!! 

I think I’m right in saying we are in England and everyone should play by our rules?

This behaviour is nothing short of shocking and I hope he is suitably punished upon his return. I suggest the wearing of an England shirt for a week.

He isn’t even Irish really; he just thinks it impresses the girls!

Cheers for listening.

O’Keeffe

Questioning the commitment of one of Trinity's most dedicated players is completely out of order.  You've been awarded the red card.  You're off!

 ** E-MAIL OF THE WEEK **

NHL

I'm sure many of you Trinity guys have heard that the National Hockey League has been cancelled this season due to a wage-capping row. As a result it is with regret that I have to cancel my annual Stanley Cup picnic. However some good news, my annual NBA playoffs fondue night is still going ahead.

See you stateside!

And we at Trinity FC Online are looking forward to attending!  For your generous fondue night invite you've been awarded e-mail of the week!  

Czech in?

I am really looking forward to the end of season "tour" of Prague, and have been since I joined the Trinity ranks in August last year!

Can you let me know how the room sharing will be decided...I heard rumours of an FA Cup style draw?? Or will the management of Mullowney & Jordan group players together in rooms that will have maximum benefit for the club?? i.e. the back three together?? Or the biggest drinkers together?? All the bed wetters together??

With the team spirit at Trinity these days it shouldn't matter who is roomed with who, as everyone gets on tremendously well with each other.  Jordan and Mullowney will be coming down from their Five star hotel every morning to ensure the players are surviving and enjoying their day at the local hostel.

Just a quick question regarding this Saturday's night at the dogs. Are we wearing suits? It's just that Jimmy Yates was on the phone last night saying it was a "suited and booted" occasion. I know Jimmy and some of the more successful Trinity team members have a wide choice of threads but what about the working class lads? I know there's only a few of them but surely we are giving them too little notice to arrange borrowing one (off one of their road digging uncle's that won't fit properly) or to visit the local pawn shop? If they are not properly dressed it may bring back painful childhood memories of being called the "school Gypo!"

Jamie Connolly

According to Gareth Curran, Trinity's social secretary, the required clothing is indeed suits for this Saturday's social evening at the greyhound races.  Trinity is a classless team with all players regarded as equal, irrespective of occupation or upbringing.  Therefore there'll be no psychological bullying in the form of teasing on the basis of poor quality or/and poor fitting suits.

Corinthians 1 Trinity 0 - In the battle of the Mind Games

Obviously, As the Psychological battle ensues between the South-West Super Power "Corinthians" and the Minnows "Trinity" at the end of the day.

Obviously, I could not help thinking that the Minnows "Trinity" had given up the Ghost, even before the game had kicked off. The Ever Popular Trinity Manager James Milaney almost begged me at one point not bring a team that will slaughter his "Middle Class 11" at the end of the day.

Obviously, I have to admit that I have taken Jim's comments into consideration, but ultimately it will all be about the result, and this is our main consideration at the end of the day.

Obviously, during extensive negotiations, in the planning stages of the above game, I couldn’t help noticing the Mr Milaney was ever so keen to give details of his team, which I took on board, little did he realise that I was digesting this information, and will feed it back to my back room staff to use against him at the end of the day.

Obviously I realise that Mr Milaney is an experience manager on the field.  I think it's obviously going to be interesting how he deals with the mind games through the media off the pitch at the end of the day.

Off the field mind games never end in a result.  On the field football games do!  And this game promises to be an excellent end-of-season friendly, in what promises to be the first of many exciting encounters.  

Football Mercato New Ads

Players seek clubs:

Safi Amine  (Right offensive midfielder, 18 years, France), Abed Kamel (Right back, 20 years, France), Rezagne Mehdi  (Right centre back, 20 years, France), Bouyssou Nicolas (Goalkeeper, 23 years, France), Fataki Cédric (Right forward, 15 years, Belgium), Francou Fabrice (Left offensive midfielder, 25 years, France), Eduardo Cañizares Rodriguez (Left offensive midfielder, 20 years, Spain),  Isaac Muñoz Moreno (Right defensive midfielder, 16 years, Spain), Lamay Musa (Right forward, 20 years, UK), Dudu Akagoum (Right centre back, 20,  years, France), Zapata Hector (Goalkeeper, 26 years, US)

Players proposed by agents:

Bass Jeremiah (Right defensive midfielder, 27 years, US), Adrian Reist  (Right defensive midfielder, 20 years, Barbados), Damian De Luca  (Right defensive midfielder, 20 years, Barbados), Patricio Sacciani Gaston  (Right defensive midfielder, 19 years, Australia), Jose Luis, Yeste Barba (Goalkeeper, 22 years, Spain), Nsasra Driss (Left back, 22 years, Argentina), Igbekele Henry Aiyenuro (Right forward, 20 years, Aruba)

footballmercato.com

An excellent choice of players to choose from footballmercato.  No doubt the Trinity management team will be sending the scouts out to watch these players (as soon as 'bob-a-job' week is finished - Boom! Boom!)

** Red Card **

RE: AWARD NOTIFICATION

We are pleased to inform you of the announcement today as a winner of the DAYZERS INTERNET STAKES LOTTERY INT. NL / INTERNATIONAL PROGRAMS held on February 24th 2005 as part of our New Year bonanza.

You or your company, attached to ticket number 19067612760, with serial number 3187-17 drew the lucky numbers 789082855, and consequently won the lottery in the "A" category.

You have therefore been approved for a lump sum pay out of US$2,400,000.00 in cash credited to file REF NO: NBM57023450. This is from total prize money of US$66,500,000.00 shared among the eight(8) international winners in this category. All participants were selected through a computer balloting system drawn from 18,500,000 email addresses from Middle East, Canada, Asia, Africa, Europe and North America and Oceania as part of Our International Promotions Program, which is conducted annually.

CONGRATULATIONS!  Your fund is now deposited with Financial Securities Company a security House. Due to the mix up of some numbers and email addresses, we ask that you keep this award strictly from public notice until your claim has been processed and your money remitted to your account. This is part of our security protocol to avoid double claiming or unscrupulous acts by participants of this program.

We hope with a part of you prize, you will participate in our end of year high stakes US$1.1 billion International Lottery.

To begin your claim, you would need to complete and send form ISLI2004 attached to this notification. The completed forms should then be faxed or emailed to the contact agent (the e-mailer) below.

MR. ROLAND KOK, FOREIGN SERVICES MANAGER, GLOBAL FINANCIAL HOUSE

Trinity FC Online's ticket number was 19067617260  and not 19067612760 as you've stated.  For giving us the false hope that we'd actually won the lottery you've been awarded the red card.  You're off!

 ** E-MAIL OF THE WEEK **

Using your MSN e-mail service - important alert

Recently, Hotmail® announced that in order to improve customer experience and reduce spam and junk e-mail abuse on MSN® services, Hotmail will no longer allow new e-mail accounts to be accessed via Microsoft® Office Outlook® and Outlook Express.

We are pleased to inform you that because you are an existing and valued customer, at this time your current Hotmail and MSN account(s) are exempt from this restriction and you will be able to continue enjoying access to those accounts from Outlook or Outlook Express. However, any new Hotmail or MSN accounts you create will not be accessible via Outlook or Outlook Express.

Because you actively use Outlook or Outlook Express to access one or more of your MSN Hotmail or MSN e-mail accounts, this could be the ideal time to consider subscribing to our powerful new e-mail service - Microsoft Office Outlook Live.  As an Outlook Live subscriber, not only can you get uninterrupted access to your MSN e-mail accounts from Outlook, but you will also enjoy many other benefits.

As a thank-you for your loyalty to MSN, we'd like to offer you a 25% discount off the regular price of a year's subscription to Outlook Live. Sign up by April 19, 2005, and you can enjoy all your first year's benefits for just £29.99 instead of £39.99.

MSN Hotmail Member Services

As a thank-you for your tremendous offer, which could save Trinity FC Online £10 over the course of a year (which we'd naturally give to charity), you've been awarded e-mail of the week!  

My views

I recently viewed the new player profiles and was very impressed, as all three players [Tom, Mark and Denis] have added their own excellent qualities to which the team have benefited immensely.  I also viewed the e-mails and thought the e-mail stating that everyone thinking Mr Ryan is a git was below the belt and for that players  sake I hope he doesn't find out who it is from, as I have heard Mr Ryan has a savage temper and a lethal right hook!

Finally good luck for the rest of the season and well done to Jim for the team's and the web site success.

A Trinity player

Tom Priestley, Mark Ryan and Denis Katoro have indeed made an excellent contribution to the success of the team this season as you've so rightly stated.  As have the rest of the players.  It has been a true team effort.  Let's hope this continues for the rest of the season.

Welcome back Eamonn and Gaz!

The prospect of Trinity facing Corinthian Sports from Bristol in a friendly, as mentioned in last week's e-mails, is truly a mouth-watering one.  A lot of Trinity's new fans, you know the ones who've jumped on the Trinity bandwagon in the last two years (the glory hunters as I call them), won't be familiar with the two Corinthian players who used to play for Trinity.  Of course I'm talking about Eamonn Kissane and Gaz Doherty.  Being a life long supporter of Trinity I can safely say I've followed them through thick and thin.  The 'thinnest' time for Trinity was definitely in the late 1980s/early 1990s (pre-Mullowney) when they were struggling in Division One of the YOBL.  Both Eamonn and Gaz were popular regulars with the supporters in those days and always had time for a chat.  Gaz was known for his ability to feign an injury when he was kn*ckered or had just f*cked up.  Eamonn was known for his mouth frothing tendencies when his team were awarded a free-kick before hammering it low into the wall, and also for his persistence in trying to score with the outside of his right foot every time he took a corner.  Two great characters.  It should be a great game!

Fusco's daughter, Leeds

Kissane and Doherty were indeed two great Trinity characters from the Trinity past.  It'll be fantastic to welcome them back, even as opponents!

While lying down in bed the other evening, after 'thinking' about Kat Slater from Eastenders, I thought wouldn't it be good if you could combine the best characteristics of the top teams in the Yorkshire Old Boys' League to form the Dream YOBL team.   Anyway my ideal team would combine the following:

The pace and fitness of Leeds Medics, the team work of St Nicholas, the strength of Yorkshire Bank, the consistency of Leeds University, the defence of Leeds Medics, the changing room wit of Trinity, the attacking flair of Old Rovers, the never say die spirit of Roundhegians, the aggression of Stanningley, and the swearing prowess of Collegians.

Wayne King, Scothall

It looks a very strong team Wayne.  Readers send your dream teams to Trinity FC Online now!

** Red Card **

Trinity bottled it!

I play for Adel the team Trinity were going to play on Saturday.  I've just heard that the game has been called off, which really p*sses me off as I was looking forward to it.  My guess is that Trinity called it off because they didn't fancy getting beat in the cold. I've heard they don't like it if you kick them.  That's what I'd have done and I would have scored too!

Paul (forward or midfielder), Adel

It's obvious the game was called off because of the weather.  For your ridiculous suggestion you've been awarded the red card.  You're off!

 ** E-MAIL OF THE WEEK **

Food for all!

Although only in my first season at Trinity, I have been warmed by the welcome given to me by all the players and staff at this great club.

Unlike Sue from Bramhope, I would never dream of categorizing people into a list of wealth or social standing. For that reason, all the team are more than welcome anytime to drop around for a glass of wine and a chat!

Furthermore, I am not sure where this "posh" label has come from????

See you all at Charles & Camilla's wedding...should be a good do!!!

Warmest regards

HRH Thomas Priestley

Thanks Tom.  It's always good to receive an e-mail from one of Trinity's outstanding players.  For  your generous open-house offer and for proving you've a fantastic sense of humour you've been awarded e-mail of the week!  

B*mmers!

What did I tell you lot just a couple of weeks ago about the importance of mind games, put your handbags down you fairies and listen up cos my boss is back soon and if sees I'm off the factory floor and up here getting his secretary to type this for me, after I've given her one, I'll have to kick his f*cking head in and I'll end up inside again. Anyway as I pointed out to you before (by the way I'm Trinity’s biggest fan) mind games are what win people titles, if you said to Ian Dowie, "we've got an Abramovich type character here wants to give you an blank cheque to sign who ever you want", Dowie would if he was as good manager as Fergie or Mourhinio would say "Save your money mate I've just sent out a press release saying that the other teams will find it difficult when they have to visit Norfolk, the Midlands, Merseyside etc. then we'll see what they’re made of" as a result of this clever bit of 'kidology' the other teams would go sh*t maybe he's right maybe it is hard as f*ck to go to these places and their bottle would go. Result Palace p*ss the league. What did you benders do on Saturday when the chance came to put the wind up (as I just put my kn*b up this secretary, FEMALE) those nice boys with their medical degrees, WHAT DID YOU DO, well put your make up cases to one side and I'll tell you what you did, you f*cked up that’s what you did. First of all one of your management team came in and made some half ar*ed joke about the opposition putting the nets up, well that’s let them know straight away that you think they're a nice bunch of jolly chaps who you can have some G*Y banter with, plus they made a bigger tw*t out of said member of management team because they didn't put the nets up you b*nders did, 1-0 Medics. Then if that was a big enough c*ck in your ar*e what did you do next, well let go of your boyfriend’s hand and I'll tell you. You went into the other changing room because the one member of their team whose only connection with hospitals is the amount of people he puts in there after a night out, there tattooed, having a fag before the game, keeper was still in there and realised when he seen you lot checking your compacts to see if your lippy was on properly that he could stay there, 2-0 Medics. Then that big ponce you've got playing at centre half spoke, 3-0 Medics. So your 3 down before you've got the game started and the only 3 down you lot know is the 3 blokes who regularly go down on Higgo, Guso and Tommo. Jordan tried to get you back in the mind games with his team talk generously littered with swear words, however this backfired because of his Grammar school education which meant that he pronounced all the swear words perfectly and without any hint of a regional accent. SH*T the boss is back I'd better get back on me forklift, anyway take heed, if you conduct your post match selves in this manner against genuine hardman teams like Stanningley, Roundhegians and of course Collegians you'll be in for a much bigger beating than those nice Medical chaps gave you, SO SORT IT OUT MULLERS OR YOU LOT WILL END UP DOING A DEVON LOCH and look what that did to Keegan, even though it was said to Dalglish not that I really give a sh*t cos I'm on £150 a week!

H. Nut, Armley 

Behind the aggressive tone you've raised an interesting question.   To what extent is does pre-game psychological warfare affect the result? Readers, e-mail Trinity FC Online with your views now!

Challenge

This is not really an email to publish but you probably will anyway, due to the lack of quality of incoming emails in recent weeks.  Anyway enough chit chat...

Basically Me (Eamonn Kissane) and Gaz (Gary Doherty) have taken over as Joint/Co Managers of the 2nd team of Corinthian Sports (Bristol, and would like to challenge you to an end of year game up in Leeds.  Our Season finishes end of April, so an ideal time would be the first week in May.  All it would involve would be to organise a pitch and a team to play against, I don’t know if goal posts would be up at that time of year.

Me and Gaz can arrange accommodation for our team. Bit of food at the Pack Horse after and into town for a p*ss up.  If you want to return the fixture the week after or pre-season then we could work something out.

Are Trinity big enough to take on this challenge?

"Harry and Jim", Corinthian Sports (Bristol)

As ever it's always great to hear from past Trinity legends and it's good to know you're still involved in the great game, known as football.  It sounds like a good idea.  Let's hope the idea turns into reality!

Regarding last week's e-mail about unique e-mail addresses I have a funny e-mail address sh*te@b*llocks.co.uk.  Does that qualify me for a free expenses paid trip to London to meet Michelle Marsh or someone?

Richard Head, Bradford

Firstly the competition is run by Hotmail and not Trinity FC Online.  Secondly they want celebrity e-mail addresses not swear word e-mail addresses (which aren't necessarily funny).  And thirdly there was no mention of Michelle Marsh.

I play for Roundhegians, the team Trinity are playing on Saturday.  I've seen the Trinity players going on about dinner parties and things like that on your website.  It makes them sound like soft middle class p*ffs!  I don't like middle class people and I don't like p*ffs.  So that gives me two good reasons for kicking the sh*t out of Trinity on Saturday.  My team mates agree with me too.  And just because Trinity stuffed us last time doesn't mean it'll be the same again.  This time we've got younger players who all get stuck in.  We're going to be doing the stuffing this time! 

Hutchy, Roundhegians

Good luck on Saturday Hutchy.  It'll be a keenly contested game.  Let's hope the best team wins!

** Red Card **

Over 35's Football Challenge Cup Tournament - Your Invitation to Participate

Dear Football Friend 

We would like to invite your football team to participate in the first edition of the “Libero International Over 35’s Football Challenge Cup”.

This will be a fantastic football tournament taking place over May Bank Holiday weekend 2005, and promises to be a unique football experience for all participating teams. 

If you have any further questions please do not hesitate to contact me.

David Dale, Libero International mail@liberointernational.com

Just because we're in the Yorkshire Old Boys' League doesn't mean our players are old.  If you'd bothered to check our player profiles section you'd realise none of our current players are over 35 years old.  For your lack of research you've been awarded the red card.  You're off!

 ** E-MAIL OF THE WEEK **

Are you JamesBond@Hotmail.co.uk?

Did you manage to bag a great celebrity name like JamesBond@Hotmail.co.uk or maybe Kylie@Hotmail.co.uk? If so, MSN wants to hear from you! How would you like all expenses paid trip to London to meet the press and be in a photo shoot? If you're interested in taking part, click here for more information to find out more.

Hotmail Staff

How about trinityfconline@hotmail.com. We've got one of the best e-mail addresses in town!  For your super offer you've been awarded e-mail of the week.  We'll look forward to meeting you in London.

Having seen Trinity centre back Tom Priestley on a repeat of 'popular' TV show Location! Location! Location! going on about his big dining room table that can accommodate ten people, I began to wonder if he decided to have a Trinity dinner party which of his team-mates would he invite round.  His wife Anne would naturally be doing the cooking, but she'd eat her share in the kitchen allowing nine lads the opportunity to share Tom's company round the dinner table. Here is my verdict on who and who wouldn't be invited.

• Jimmy Yates - with his high-profile job in computers and his flash car that he'd park outside, thus raising the value of the house, Jimmy would be a certainty to be invited.
• Dave 'Killer' Kilsby - with no formal qualifications to write home about, non-stop army stories and a banger for a car, I'm afraid Dave would be ringing up for a pizza as he wouldn't be getting a dinner party invite.
• Martin 'Clubby' Clubbs - with his well respected job in insurance and general well-behaved manner Martin would be sure to get an invite.
• Mick Toney - unfortunately his non-stop swearing would be seen as detrimental to the dinner party conversation as well as detrimental to the value of the house.  It's the kebab shop for you Mick!
• Paul 'Macca' McIntyre - a well-respected publican with many an anecdote to tell, Paul would surely be sat around the Priestly table
• Chris Gardiner - a popular changing room figure but with his big appetite Tom wouldn't want to risk him eating everyone else's dinner, so I'm afraid it's fish and chips for you Chris.
• Jim 'Mullers' Mullowney - with his interesting, informative views on all subjects and his willingness to help with the after-dinner washing up, Jim is seen by many as the perfect dinner guest.  He's sure to be invited.
• Gareth Curran - as amusing as Gareth can be unfortunately true English gent Tom wouldn't see him as a suitable dinner guest, as he's loud and Irish.  It's bacon and cabbage night at home for you again, Gareth!
• Neil Higgins - with his well-paid job in recruitment and a fancy car to park outside, Neil would be invited for the same reasons as Jimmy Yates.
• Mark Ryan - his non-stop chitter-chatter and desire to be playing on the play-station would infuriate Tom.  It's Chinese takeaway for you Mark!
• Matt Jordan - with his knowledge of employment law and reaching sales targets, Matt would be seen as the dinner guest who could educate as well as entertain.  He'd be at the table!
• Stevie Travers - although not as loud as Gareth Curran he is regarded as being just as Irish, despite being born in London.  It's KFC for you I'm afraid Stevie!
• Angus Martin - his up-to-date stories of Clive Woodward are sure to interest rugby union loving Tom.  A place is set for you Angus.
• Robbie Pearson - his reputation for getting aggressive after two glasses of wine would count against him, as Tom wouldn't want to risk upsetting the neighbours and more importantly seeing the value of his house go down due to bad behaviour.  It's a chicken madras for you Robbie.
• Jamie Connolly - a certainty to be invited as he's invited round for dinner parties every Saturday already.
• Denis Katoro - it's irrelevant as to whether Tom would invite Denis, as he would decline any such invites due to being far too cool for dinner parties.  It would also interfere with yet another Saturday night at the Evolution.  He'd settle for a burger and chips at the end of the night.
• Martin O'Keeffe - big business man and as English as they come, Martin would be the final name on Tom's invitation list.

Final list:  Jimmy Yates, Martin 'Clubby' Clubbs, Paul 'Macca' McIntyre, Jim 'Mullers' Mullowney, Neil Higgins, Matt Jordan, Angus Martin, Jamie Connolly, Martin O'Keeffe

Sue Braithwaite, Bramhope

Interesting views Sue.  Readers e-mail Trinity FC Online with your views on who would be invited to Tom's Trinity dinner party.

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Footballmercato.com

Thanks Footballmercato.com.  Trinity are always looking at ways they can lower their hiring and communication costs.  They are sure to research your exciting product.

I play for Leeds Medics, Trinity's opponents on Saturday.  We're the best team in the league and we're going to prove it on Saturday by stuffing Trinity.  We've beaten Trinity once already this season.  It was 2-0 but it should have been a lot more.  We were better in every department, particularly in midfield where they were almost non-existent.  We'll thrash them so much that they'll be a state of shock at the end of the game.  But the good news for them is that we'll be able to look after them, as we're Medics!!  

Dr Tom, Leeds Medics

Good luck on Saturday Dr Tom.  Let's hope there's not too many casualties for you to deal with!

** Red Card **

So Big Tom Priestley has a dinner rota does he, where the people who are on it get invited to his house for dinner  parties.  Well I'd better be f*cking on it, otherwise I'll go round to his house and shove that sh*te red canvas he has on his wall up his big posh a*se!  I'll give him f*cking rota!

Neil, Horsforth

Tom is entitled to invite who he likes to his dinner parties and it is his decision who goes on his rota, not yours!  Maybe if you weren't so rude and aggressive you might actually be invited to a lot more dinner parties.  Instead you've been awarded the red card.  You're off!

 ** E-MAIL OF THE WEEK **

Fancy a holiday?

Me and a few mates are heading to Ibiza for two weeks of pure mayhem but the thing is we need one more person to get a cheap package deal. Any takers let me know, first come first served.

I've attached a picture of the lads causing havoc in Amsterdam last year!

They are mental!! You'll love them.  Click here to see them in action.

Eamonn Kissane, Bristol

For your generous offer of a holiday you've been awarded e-mail of the week!

Well done Old Rovers on beating Trinity the other day in the Yorkshire Old Boys' Shield.  You played magnificently and were a credit to your club; being excellently behaved before, during and after the game.  Contrast this to the shower of sh*te that is Collegians who were defeated the previous week by Trinity.  They came into the changing rooms before the game swearing like mad, going on about shift work very loudly and generally acting very working class.  They deserved what they got.  Absolutely nothing!

Matty, Leeds

Old Rovers played excellently to beat Trinity in a competitive quarter final.  Trinity FC Online wish them all the best in their semi-final.

Your new player profiles of Priestley, Katoro and Ryan were well worth waiting for.  It's always nice to find out more about Trinity's new players.  Anyway I was thinking wouldn't it be good if you could do player profiles on some of the great Trinity players from the past.  I'm sure your readers would like to read more about the likes of Darley, Kissane, Doherty and Laverty. 

Maria McGee, Ireland

Sounds like a good idea.  Trinity have a fantastic history stretching back a number of years and some great players have played a part in it.

The new player profiles you've published are totally inaccurate.  To suggest Tom Priestley is royalty is wrong.  Despite his posh accent he's as common as sh*te!  Denis Katoro doesn't wear glasses, well not when he's playing anyway.  And Mark Ryan isn't a 'popular figure in the changing room' as is stated.  Everyone thinks he's a g*t!  Try to get your facts right in future!

A Trinity player

Trinity FC Online always try to get the 'facts right' as you put it.  We never intended to suggest Priestley was a member of the royal family, though to suggest he's common seems to be over the top as he appears to be quite well educated.  It's possible Katoro may wear glasses for reading or driving as many people do, but we're not sure.  As for Ryan, reports suggest that most of his team mates do get on with him.

I play for Yorkshire Bank, Trinity's opponents on Saturday.  We've beaten Trinity once already this season and we're looking to doing the double over them by stuffing them again this week.  I've been working behind the same till for the past fifteen years, in the Yorkshire Bank in Chapel Allerton, and I encounter losers like the Trinity bunch every day.  They think they're cool with their fancy cars and jackets.  Well I'm going to show them who's cool on Saturday by scoring a couple of goals against them!

Phil B, Yorkshire Bank player and long-serving cashier

Good luck on Saturday Phil, and may the best team win as they say!

** Red Card **

Update your columns!

Isn't it about time the Golf Clubbs column on the Home Page was replaced.  It hasn't been updated all season.  And come to think of it Football Fitness hasn't been updated since Christmas.  I'm becoming a bit of a fat c*nt waiting for Mullowney's next tip.

Tommy Devlin, Bradford

You're quite right Tommy.  Both those columns could do with being updated.  However that shouldn't stop you from getting out of your armchair and doing some exercise.  For your laziness you’ve been given the red card.  You’re off!

 ** E-MAIL OF THE WEEK **

Oh qu**r, Oh qu**r!

You lot are at it again, I'm sick to death of watching my favourite team mince around on a Saturday like a bunch of out of work hairdressers. You lot probably voted for Briggitte Nielson to win Big Bro your such a bunch of f*ggots, "we love her she's been through so much in her life. Now somebody put on my Dame Shirley Bassey album (emphasis being on B*M)". I mean your so f*ckng g*y I can't even remember why I was calling g*y I mean it's not even as if Gus or Neil (and s*ck your boyfriend off) played for you this weekend. I mean why can't you be real men like what Ferguson and Wenger are. Those two are so hard they don't even bother fighting they have mind games with each other which seem to involve saying the other one might be scared of losing, or the other ones not as decent a bloke with as well a behaved team as what I've got, Christ I'm psyched out just writing this sh*t no wonder KK 'lost it'.  It had nothing to do with playing Asprilla and c*cking up a successful formula it was cos Ferguson got to him with some half a*sed remark. It made me realise that mind games are the only way you can win the title, so maybe if Bryan Robson starts going I think Chelsea might f*ck up, the Baggies will sly up the league and win it.

Anyway you lot were lucky to win on Saturday as Collegians won hands down in the 'mind games' department. They turned up early, swore absolutely f*ck loads, which they know affects your little middle class ears, one of them had a truly life altering sh*t in the toilet and all his mates made witty remarks about it like "F*CK ME THAT STINKS" and for good measure "F*CK ME THATS A RIGHT F*CKING STINKING SH*T". They then went on to mention shift work and rumour has it one of them even drives a forklift and he probably hasn't even got a license. Think on that one messers Ferguson and Wenger, do you think Phil Neville would be so quick to boot Reyes if he knew he'd had a massive sh*t in the toilet and was going to shift pallets later in some sh*tty warehouse, I doubt it. However the mind games didn't stop there. There HARD AS F*ck centre half shouted everytime he shinned the ball in touch or used his toe to make it swerve away from it's intended target, which psyched us all out.  The linesman made up decisions as he went along and best of all they weren't stupid enough to start with their manager on the pitch. They watched one of our managers chip the ball up for him self to head on 8or 9 occasions and realised that this was probably giving us the psychological edge, so what did they do? They padded up their managers stomach to make him look fat as f*ck, gave him a ridiculous ginger quiff and sent him on to casually boot the ball over the bar whenever he got in a good position.  GENIUS!  You have to concede, Trinity, that even though you got the three points you were soundly beaten in the far more important psychological warfare and that is cos ultimately you lot are a bunch of, weak shouldered, leg spasms, stage 3 haircuts, f*ggots, so SORT IT OUT MULLOWNEY OR ME AND ALL YOUR LOYAL SUPPORTERS WILL BE SHOUTING JONESY! JONESY! JONESY! AND THEN YOU REALLY WILL BE F*CKED

A Hole, Armley

Assuming you mean g*y in the 1970s sense of being happy this is a really positive e-mail.  It also puts forward the interesting question as to whether 'mind games' as you put it have a major bearing on the result of a football match.  A question which is extremely difficult to answer.  Anyway for your views you've been awarded e-mail of the week!

Nigerian e-mails?

What’s happened to all those e-mails from various Nigerians claiming they’ve got millions of pounds in the bank but they just need the bank details of a Trinity FC Online reader to access it?  Have you stopped publishing them or has a reader actually passed on their details and made a tidy sum?  My money’s on Trinity skipper Matt Jordan having made a shrewd investment as I notice he had a reasonably new shirt on the other day.

The bird with the dodgy arm, Pack Horse 

Trinity FC Online hasn't received any of those e-mails for a while, but if we do we won't hesitate to publish them!

Computer users in Huddersfield?

I nearly sh*t myself with surprise when I logged onto the YOBL website the other day, to read some of the Collegians’ players claiming they deserved to beat Trinity on Saturday.  Not because they didn’t play well, because they gave a good account of themselves.   But rather because I’m surprised any of those thick Huddersfield f*ckers know how to operate a computer!

Mark McGinty, Ireland

These days the Internet is accessible to a lot of people, no matter how educated they may be.  Regarding Collegians' performance you are quite correct in stating they gave a good account of themselves, as they played well and were unlucky not to get a point.

Move forwards not backwards!

Last week someone e-mailed to complain about your predictable use of Reality TV celebrities to be your guest editors (see last week’s e-mail from Michelle Desk).  This week what have you done?  You’ve only gone and got that stupid c*nt Bez, the winner from Celebrity Big Brother, to be guest editor.  And to top it off, as he’s in the famous band the Happy Mondays he has ‘humorously’ slipped in a few of his song titles into the editorial (Yawn!), just like all the other popstars you get.  You need to move forwards Trinity FC Online because you’re standing still.  And if you’re standing still you’re going backwards!

A frustrated reader, Moortown

As we stated last week we try to get a wide range of celebrities to be our guest editors.  Over the course of the season you'll find that there's only ever a minimal number of Reality TV celebrities used.

Well done to the Trinity defence for keeping two clean sheets in a row.  It won’t be easy against Old Rovers on Saturday as they’re a fine attacking force, but they’ve done it once already this season.  Anyway good luck to them!

Paul, Leeds

Yes the defence have done well in the last couple of games.  However the goalkeeper and all the other players have contributed to the resilience of the side.  It has quite literally been a true team effort

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Hotmail Staff

We're not quite ready to update those new addresses, but thanks for the clever ways to update our contacts list that you've provided.  

** Red Card **

Motorbike Madness!

My name is Javid and for the last 2 years I have been driving a taxi in your country illegally. Just last week I was minding my own business, ripping some unsuspecting woman off with a £4.80 fare instead of the usual price of £3.60, when a stupid young and bizarrely skinny idiot came out of nowhere on a child like motorbike.

Due to my illegal taxi work and my customer I was unable to stay around and exchange details for insurance purposes. Therefore I am now left without a taxi to earn a living for myself, my wife and my 8 children.

The reason for this email is I heard this child plays for your football team? If this is so can you please all have a fundraising event of which I will do nothing to help organize but will happily accept the money?

If not I will have to ask the government for a new taxi so you will end up paying for it anyway.

I noticed, when he took of his helmet, he had a very strange cut above his lip. Has he done this to somebody else and they did the right thing and beat him up?

Your help would be appreciated

Driving away from the scene of an accident is a criminal offence which is punishable by law, and even worse it's well out of order!  It doesn't matter how large your family is.  You’ve been given the red card.  You’re off!

 ** E-MAIL OF THE WEEK **

Competition for places!

It’s good that for Trinity that they have a big squad turning up week-in, week-out.  It keeps the players who are selected on their toes and the players on the sidelines itching to get on.  I can imagine if a player isn’t performing to the required level or doesn’t follow the management’s instructions to a tee (and just does their own thing) they’ll be replaced immediately.

Jonesy, Leeds

A big squad also provides strength in depth and essential cover for injuries.  Trinity's squad this season has quality cover in all areas, meaning no player is irreplaceable.  For your comments you've been awarded e-mail of the week!

Excellent start to the year!

Well done Trinity for starting 2005 in excellent form, beating two excellent teams in Old Rovers and Leeds University.  Even though you’ve been blessed with good fortune in both those games you’ve definitely deserved the luck as you’ve played some tremendous stuff.  The season is only going to get tougher but if you can demonstrate the same character and quality for the rest of the season you should do all right!

Rich Sadler, York

You're quite right Rich, the season is only going to get tougher.  No trophies are ever handed out in January!

Missing Profiles

I notice three of Trinity’s best players this season haven’t even got player profiles.  What’s going on?  It’s about time Priestley, Katoro and Ryan got their profiles published. 

Lisa McGee, Bramhope

Don't worry Lisa, they will be appearing within the next couple of weeks.

Boring Trinity!

It looks like Trinity have gone too serious and boring these days.  With their tough training sessions and serious team talks the fun aspect has gone out of the club.  The present management are taking themselves too seriously and are simply up their own a*ses as well as each others!  I remember a few years ago when training was a time for taking the p*ss out of each other and matches were more of a laugh.  These days the emphasis seems to be on trying to win games at the expense of everything else.  They should chill out more.

A player who's been around for a number of years, Leeds

Interesting opinion.  Has the fun element gone out of Trinity?  Readers, e-mail now with your views!

When will Trinity FC Online learn?  Every time there is a TV reality show involving celebrities they get sign a few of them up to be guest editors of the website, in the belief readers are interested in them.  In the last two weeks it’s been Jackie Stallone and that fat c*nt McCririck from Celebrity Big Brother.  In the past it’s been Jeff Brazier and Vanilla Ice from The Farm, and Joe Pasquale and Peter Andre from I’m a Celebrity I Want to Get Out of Here.  The truth is that lot are on the shows because the public are NOT interested in them.  Come on Trinity FC Online get with the ‘programme’ and stay in touch with ‘reality’!

Michelle Desk, Near Bradford

With respect Trinity FC Online do try to get a wide range of celebrities to be our guest editors, to appeal to our broadband of readership, not just celebrities who've appeared on Reality TV.  However your views have been noted.

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To be honest we're not that serious about sharing our photo library, but thanks for the information anyway.

** Red Card **

What's up with the Trinity players?

I’m a skinny student who’s based in Leeds, who goes out and enjoys a pint without ever trying to bother anyone.  Anyway I was just wondering if there’s anything up with the Trinity players.  It’s just that I’ve been in the Pack Horse the last two Saturdays and not one of them has started on me and my equally non-confrontational friends.  Could it be that they are suffering from the condition known as ‘Developing into sensible adults’ syndrome!

Hugh Battleship, Student Halls 

Perhaps it's your smart a*sed attitude that encourages people to pick fights with you!  For your suggestions you’ve been given the red card.  You’re off!

 ** E-MAIL OF THE WEEK **

Student Streak!

I have to say I’m not at all happy with the student streak washing through trinity. First we have the fat headed lad they call Chris G with all his bizarre and unwanted styles. Then we have that little sh*t they call Mick T. I didn’t know they sold such sh*te in Mothercare!

What everyone needs to do is take a look in the mirror, realise they are no oil paintings and in fact are northern monkeys! Dress the way you are meant to with ironed jeans and a sensible knitted jumper.

Any more of this dress sense and people will think twice about supporting the mighty Trinity.

A Pack Horse Krusty!

You are right in suggesting the Trinity players should be careful with the image they portray, as first impressions matter a great deal in today's world.  However everyone is entitled to their own choices and the world would be a lot less interesting if everyone dressed in the same style.  For your interesting views  you’ve been awarded the first e-mail of the week of 2005!

Celebrity Trinity Big Brother!

With the current series of Celebrity Big Brother on our screens and 'quiet man' John McCririck the guest editor of Trinity FC Online this week, I thought wouldn't it be great if Channel Four signed up a few of the Trinity players to be on the series. Mick Toney could play a role similar to Kenzie from the Blazin Squad as he's young and hip, Tom Priestley could be similar to Jeremy Edwards as he's charming and posh sounding, Kilsby could be the Bez character as he's thick and Chris Gardiner could be like John McCririck as he's a fat c*nt who talks sh*te!! 

Mary Donnelly, Morley

It's unlikely the Trinity players would be invited onto Celebrity Big Brother as strictly speaking they aren't celebrities.  Mind you to be fair a few of the present bunch aren't either!

Fighting Spirit!

Fantastic fight back on Saturday Trinity.  You really showed some true fighting spirit, coming back from 2-0 down to win with ten men.  Let's hope you can show the same character for the rest of the season.  Then you might not get relegated!

A keen observer, Leeds

Yes Trinity did indeed show fantastic fighting spirit to win with ten men, from 2-0 down.

University to teach Trinity!

I play for Leeds University, Trinity's opposition on Saturday.  We've already beaten Trinity once this season and we weren't even trying.  Our midfielders are the key on Saturday as they'll get loads of space going forward, due to the fact that Trinity's midfielders never track back.  If they can convert their chances they are sure to get we should win.  3-0 is my prediction.  Being from the University we're obviously an educated team.  Let's just say we're going to teach Trinity a few things on Saturday!

Phil M, Leeds University

Good luck on Saturday Phil and may the best team win, as they say.

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Hotmail Staff

It sounds like a great tool, and we're surewe'll have a lot of fun sharing all our photos

** Red Card **

B*NDERS!

Unbelievable, just when I thought you lot at Trinity couldn't get anymore F*CKING g*y you become g*yer than one of Gus Martins special friends. Not only do you lose to a sh*te Yorkshire Bank side who, ah diddums, had a couple of players who were slightly bigger than you, how rude of them, but you also refused like they didn't to go out and get absolutely ar*e holed the night before the game, and unlike them you weren't hard enough to make references to the fact that you'd done it as well, by saying things like "we'll be sh*te today we were all out on the p*ss last night" and "F*CK ME I'M STILL P*SSED ME", no you b*nders waited until after the game to have your bird free night out on the p*ss where the only reason you had any atmosphere at all is because you had a poxy drinking competition, what was the competition who can finish a WHOLE pint without having to call their boyfriend to bring them to A&E. When I used to play we had drinking competitions in the changing room before during and after the game and that was at a standard as high as Rob Morris has played at which is apparently to good for former PREMIERSHIP player John 'I've played in the PREMIERSHIP' Beresford. Anyway as if this wasn't p*ffy enough, some b*nders didn't even make it out 'Higgo' and 'Connolyio' for example, probably because it was cold and there were no sun bed facilities in the boozer. Worse still however one of your team 'characters' and self-styled un-compromising defender Paul 'Macca' McIntyre was asleep by f*cking 10pm.

All this is bad enough but what did you f*ggots do next, well don't let me interrupt the application of your lippy, I'll tell you, you didn't f*cking play for 3 weeks, supposedly so you could recover from having a 'quick' pint, don't give me any of that Christmas sh*te either cos look at the PREMIERSHIP and see how many games those lads played in that time even if it was only to avoid coming up against Rob Morris and not being allowed to turn. Hey I tell you what people might struggle to turn against him at his level but they never struggle to turn away from his boring chatter when he's out, maybe the standard of conversation is too high a standard for him, the big legged, jeans safely tucked into the back of me shoes, ridiculously quiffed individual. Anyway what was I saying, oh yeah sort it out Mullers, cos I hear your mate Jordan is having an operation to remove Preistley’s c*ck from his a*se, after he thought that was the perfect LOCATION! LOCATION! LOCATION! to put it. If you don't sort it out Mullers you'll find soon that me, one of Trinity’s greatest fans, is chanting BENTOS! BENTOS! BENTOS! in the hope of inducing a f*cking avalanche in the Alps

CHEERS QU**RS! 

A. Hole, Armley

For 'one of Trinity's greatest fans', as you call yourself, you are incredibly critical of the team.  You’ve been given the red card for your over-the-top comments.  You’re off!

 ** E-MAIL OF THE WEEK **

Good Times

A big shout for what was a most enjoyable night on Saturday. Despite the fact we lost we still went out and had a good knees up. The Worthington Cup was once again a success.  Let’s hope the New Year starts with a good win and plenty more nights out.

Killer (goal machine)

Merry Christmas team mates!

I’d just like to take the opportunity to wish all my Trinity teammates a merry Christmas and a happy new year.  They really are a smashing bunch of lads and it always makes my week when I meet up with them on a Saturday. 

Jim ‘Mullers’ Mullowney, Leeds

A merry Christmas and a happy new year to you as well Jim.  The Trinity players are indeed a smashing bunch of lads as you’ve suggested.

You’ve gone a step too far!

As much as I enjoy logging onto Trinity FC Online every week, I can’t help they have gone a step too far this week.  Employing Sir Bob Geldof as guest editor and getting him to tell the readers what they should be doing at Christmas strikes me as them trying to take the moral high ground, when they’ve simply no right to do so.  Stick to what you’re best at which is compiling match reports and previews of the forthcoming opposition.  Leave the preaching to the experts, such as priests and agony aunts!

Jane Dawson, Bramhope

Trinity FC Online never tries to take the ‘moral high ground’ as you’ve suggested Jane.  It was only suggested, by our guest editor Sir Bob Geldof, that readers may contribute to world famine by purchasing the latest Band Aid 20 single.  No offence was ever intended.

Getting p*ssed!

Despite what Bob Geldof says Christmas is a time for getting p*ssed and stuffing your face with turkey and mince pies, and there’s nothing wrong with that.  I won’t be buying his latest Band Aid record as it is sh*te!  And he doesn’t even sing on it!

Mick T, Leeds

To be fair to Bob Geldof he doesn’t claim to sing on the single.  You are entitled to your opinion on the song though many others would disagree with you, as indicated by it topping the charts this Christmas.

Travel stories are boring!

Christmas is a time for giving as they say.  Well let’s hope this Christmas Trinity’s Chris Gardiner ‘gives’ everyone a rest from his boring travel stories that he freely tells to anyone who’ll listen.  He’s worse than that c*nt Eamonn Kissane.  Don’t you understand?  No one’s f*cking interested!

A team-mate who’s running out of patience, Leeds

You appear to be exaggerating, as Chris Gardiner doesn’t tell as many travel stories as you have suggested.  When he does he tends to select the best anecdotes, which on the whole are appreciated by his listening audience.

Trinity players are imbeciles!

Having witnessed the deplorable behaviour of the Trinity players on their Christmas night out I can only conclude that they are a bunch of imbeciles!  Playing drinking games is highly irresponsible.  Chanting out obscenities every two minutes showed a complete disregard for the feelings of everyone else in the pub.  And as for that clown who went to town and started abusing passers-by when he was smashed out of his head, well where do you start? 

A Pack Horse regular (but not the bird with the iffy arm), Leeds

We’re sure there was no harm meant by the antics of the Trinity players.  They may have been a little high-spirited.  Generally they’re a fantastic set of well-behaved, responsible gentlemen.

** Red Card **

Hi All!

I'd just like to question the "integrity" of the Trinity Website Director and his editing of any e-mails received. I am g*y.  I have on a number of occasion sent the Website a full and informative email only for it to be manipulated and doctored to make me seem a little uneducated and for the editor to make me the butt of some childish joke.  I fancy Macca.  Remember it’s not big and its not clever and I reckon that thousands of your readers will eventually cotton on and be reluctant to send in their own stories.  Big W*llies!!  I hope you take my comments on board for the good of the Website

Kevin M, Leeds

Suggesting that Trinity FC Online edit e-mails to make readers appear uneducated for humorous effect is well out of order.  As a result you’ve been given the red card.  You’re off!

 ** E-MAIL OF THE WEEK **

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For that fantastic news (but mainly due to the lack of e-mails we've received) you’ve been awarded e-mail of the week.

Forward Thinking

I like to give praise where it is due so praise to manager Mullers. What an inspired substitution bring the Killer on up front on Saturday! Although he did miss from a couple of yards out, his overall movement and positioning were first class.

Well done Mullers and well done Killer.

A supporter

Dave Kilsby did look a threat up front on Saturday and he certainly gives the Trinity management duo of Jordan and Mullowney more options for the future.

Golcar website

I’ve just logged onto that Golcar website that was mentioned last week by one of your readers and it is sh*t!

An inquisitve reader

To be fair it is only in its early stages of development.  Give it time and it will nearly be as good as Trinity FC Online.

Size Matters

As everyone knows shower time is an important part of Trinity’s success. However this could easily be ruined by one lad….Dennis. I’d like to thank him for staying out the showers this season and putting us all to shame. I’m sure the girls in Prague are shaking in their knee high slag boots already.

Up the original G-Wing!

A shower-time regular

Trinity's good start this season is due to a number of reasons, including the excellent team spirit that you are implying.  However no trophies are handed out in December.  If they are to be successful they'll need to do the business in the tough winter months of January, February and even March.

Worthington Cup

I believe it is the Trinity Christmas social on Saturday.  Will the Trinity drinking game, the Worthington Cup, be taking place?  If so is there anybody capable of beating Angus Martin the reigning champion? Will Mullowney be organising it only to be usurped as the master of ceremonies by the likes of Donny?  And will certain players get a bit drunk and start kicking off with the softest looking students they can find?

Tony, Bramhope

As ever Trinity's Christmas Social promises be be a special event, with the Worthington Cup again expected to take centre stage.  The answers to your other questions will be revealed on Saturday.

No overdraft extension!

I play for Yorkshire Bank, Trinity's opposition on Saturday.  There's a reason why we're one of the favourites to win the league.  It's because we're jolly good.  Our midfield will destroy Trinity's, as we've heard they play good football but they don't bother to track back and tackle.  We'll exploit that and set up loads of goalscoring chances for our forwards, the Beast (Phil Beesting) and Clarko (Andy Clarke).  Let's just say Trinity won't be getting an extension to their overdraft facilities on Saturday (to use a banking phrase and apply it, somewhat abstractly, to a game of football)

Phil 'Streaky' Streak, Yorkshire Bank

Good luck on Saturday Phil, and may the best team win!

** Red Card **

Big clique of kn*bheads!

All this rubbish I've heard about Trinity having a fantastic team spirit is a a load of sh*te!  They are just one big clique of kn*bheads!  Jordan (who thinks he's a character but isn't) and his sidekick Mullowney (who talks sh*t) just pick their mates and not the best team.  With this attitude they'll win f*ck all!  In fact they'll probably get relegated.

Tom, Leeds

To suggest that Trinity will get relegated this season is extremely negative.  For your comments you’ve been given the red card.  You’re off!

 ** E-MAIL OF THE WEEK **

Question

Hey I just have a rough question,

I used to live in Leeds, and moved about a decade ago... during this move I lost touch with a good friend of my from primary school. I just found his name on your team roster recently....

Now I’m just wondering is DENIS KATORO a black kid from Sudan? if so please tell him TIAN has emailed and give him my email!

Thanks Trinity FC Online!

Peace!

TL

coolie high

Thanks for your e-mail Coolie (or Tian).  We’ll pass your details onto the one and only Denis Katoro, who these days is banging the goals in for Trinity.  Readers if you’ve lost touch with one of your old school friends and you think they are now playing for Trinity e-mail Trinity FC Online (the website that brings old friend together) now.  For potentially starting off a potential a fantastic feature you’ve been awarded e-mail of the week.

RE: TRAILS

PLZ I'M VERY HAPPY FOR U TO REPLY MY MESSAGE AND GOD WILL BLESS U AMEN.  SO PLZ HOW CAN I GET OVER THERE COS I'M BASE IN INDIA AND IF I WANT TO COME DAWN THERE I NEED VISA, AND FOR ME TO GET VISA HERE THEY WE ASK FOR MY INVITATION IN EMBASSY SO PLZ ANY ASSISTANCE U CAN DO FOR ME TO SEND INVITATION SO THAT I'LL ABLE TO GET THE VISA PLZ DO IT,SO I'LL APPRECIATE UR EFFORT ON ME VERY WELL OK THANKS.

AND IF U CAN SEND UR PHONE NUMBER TO ME SO THAT I'LL CALL U AND WE B ABLE TO TALK VERY WELL OK.

TO HEAR FROM U AGAIN BEST REGARD

OLANREWAJU MUSIBAU ADEBAYO

Unfortunately Trinity doesn’t have the same influence as David Blunkett, the UK Home Secretary, in terms of getting visas quickly.  Therefore they are unable to provide you with the assistance you need.  But thank you Olanrewaju for getting in touch.  Good luck with your football career.

Golcar website

I notice the team who Rob Morris (ex-occasional Trinity player who now frequently slags them off) plays for, Golcar United from Huddersfield, has just launched their own website.  Ironically Morris slated Trinity a few years ago for launching Trinity FC Online, which is without doubt the best YOBL team website in the league.  Anyway they’re website address is:

http://www.intheteam.com/home/home.asp?ClubId=9363

They have a guest book where readers can presumably slag off their ‘favourite’ curly haired, injury prone, loudmouth.  Just wondered if any Trinity FC Online readers were interested.

A reader

Despite his recent comments about Trinity, which may have been taken out of context, Rob Morris doesn’t deserve to be persecuted on the website of his own team.  He has suffered enough at the hands of our readers.  Trinity FC Online wish him well for the rest of the season.

Footballing lesson

I play for Modernians, Trinity’s opposition on Saturday.  We’ve been in the top division for years and we don’t intend to be beaten by a bunch of upstarts like Trinity.  We’re going to hand out a footballing lesson on Saturday that they’ll never forget.  We’ll get at least two goals from set pieces, as Trinity give away silly free-kicks galore which they can’t defend.  We’ll also get at least two goals in open play, as their midfielders can’t be bothered marking up at times which will give us plenty of time and space to create chances.

James Hochstrasse, Modernians

See you Saturday James.  May the best team win!

** Red Card **

Mullers & Blunkett 2 peas in a pod

I would like to defend myself against the recent libellous, fictitious comments made by my very old friend Jim Mullowney. On the night in question in Huddersfield when I am supposed to have said Trinity are sh*te, Mullers was brimming with Mouriniho esque confidence, 'bigging' himself up claiming that he had revolutionised the training, management and administration of the whole club and that his team talks would now ensure old boys' domination. I applauded his over confidence but merely stated that he needed to be realistic. This has obviously been transformed into another witch-hunt for Morris (Sauce, Robbie Pearson, Morris Upsetting everyone in the pack horse). Mullers was taking credit for Trinity's success when in fact it is probably due to managing instead of doing his f*cking sh*t Chuck Norris impersonation on the pitch. I have never seen a midfielder run for as long and never f*cking touch the ball. You can be as fit as u like, and shout a load of sh*t about tactics but when you've got the touch of a mule and ability to jockey in 70-30 tackle situations then maybe retirement is a good idea.  May I also pass on my fondest regards to my old 'scouse' mate Gardiner. I sincerely hope that he still sh*gs loads of women, has tremendous stamina, gets man of the match every week and everyone laughs at his gags.

Up the Golcar, f*ck off Bardsey whoever you are, bring on Meltham and apologies to any Pack Horse patron who I have obviously offended in the past.

Rob Morris, PLAYER-manager of Golcar united FC

Before launching into a tirade of abuse against one of Trinity’s favourite sons you should have done your research.  If you'd cared to view the match reports and statistics you'd see that Mullowney is still actually playing.  Also Mullowney, your intended target is only the joint-manager of the club a position he shares with Matt Jordan.  In addition Paul McIntyre has been responsible for, and has been doing a great job of the administration of the club for years.  Mullowney, a humble character, therefore wouldn’t have been ‘bigging’ himself up as you claim.  Compare this to someone who claims to be player-manager when his team are winning, but when his team lose then takes on the role of coach who slags off the ‘manager’ Gary Moulson about his lack of knowledge of the game.  Trinity FC Online have been patient with your comments for the last couple of weeks but not anymore.  You’ve been given the red card.  You’re off!

 ** E-MAIL OF THE WEEK **

TRAILS

MY NAME IS OLARENWAJU MUSIBAU A NIGERIA NATIONALITY, AGE 18YEARS OLD.   I GOT YOUR CONTACT THROUGH THE INTERNET , I'M A FOOTBALL PLAYER, PLAY FROM MIDFIELDER/STRICKER WITH MUCH SKILLS AND KNOWLEDGE IN THE FIELD, HAVING MORE THAN SIX YEARS EXPRIENCES  AND TALENTED.  I'M BASE IN PLAYING NOW.

I`VE PLAYED FOR MANY CLUBS IN MY COUNTRY AND OUT MY COUNTRY TOO LIKE GHANA AND REPUBLIC OF BENIN.  I WISH TO SOLICIT FOR YOUR ASSISTANCES TO ARRANGE FOR ME A FOOTBALL TEAMS.  LIKEWISE I PROMISE TO PERFORM TO YOUR EXPECTATION.

PROFILE:

• NAME -- OLANREWAJU MUSIBAU.

• AGE-- AUGUST1st1986

• PLACE OF BIRTH-- LAGOS STATE, NIGERIA.

• HEIGHT-- 5ft.6

• WEIGTH-- 65KG.

• PRESENT CLUB -- J&K BANK F.C INDIA

• NATIONALITY-- NIGERIA

• PREVIOUS CLUB -- LSDPC F.C,JSP FC REP.OF BENIN, ACCRA HEART OF LION AND OSCER FC OF GHANA.

• INTERNATIONAL INVITATION--NIGERIA UNDER 17.EAGLET 2001 AND 2003.

• POSITION---MIDFIELDER

• OTHER POSITION--STRICKER

• HONOUR-NIGERIA YOUTH FORM FOOTBALL COMPITITION WINNER

• 1999,2000,2001 and state cup winner 2002.

• ASSEST-STRONG MAKING,  GOOD SHOOTING ,ACCURATES PASSES AND GOALS SCOURING.

• SEX -- MALE

EXPECT TO HEAR FROM YOU, BEST REGADS, THANKS

MUSIBAU OLARENWAJU

Musabibau you are welcome to attend Trinity's training sessions. These are held at Notre Dame College Sports Hall (Leeds), every Wednesday evening, 7pm - 8pm.  For your excellent footballing CV you've been awarded e-mail of the week!

You can't make yourself big man!

You lot are sh*t man simple as that. None of you could play at a higher standard like me man, and those of you who think you could because your good players and have got more skill in your little toe than I've got in me stupid big F*CKING flat feet, you still couldn't play at a higher standard 'cos you then you might take my place and cause me to f*ck off looking for a game somewhere where half the players have just f*cked off and no one knows me there so I can bullsh*t me way in. You lot after your flukey start probably thought you were going to do really well even at this sh*t standard, but now your getting f*cking beat week in week out by other teams who play at a sh*t standard 'cos your all sh*t and you can't make yourself big like me, especially in the showers. There’s quite a few of you who probably don't even know me cos you've never played at a higher standard in your lives and as a result haven't watched me huff and puff my way through games until a new manager comes along and realises I'm sh*te, well for those who don't know me I'm the curly haired divvy who turns up every so often, uninvited for one of your nights out with a cr*p shirt on and my tight jeans (cos me legs are massive not cos I'm dead unfashionable or nowt) tucked into the back of my cheap shoes leaning in with my hand over the side of my mouth talking b*llocks to some poor sod and winging about the price of beer in Leeds whilst never getting a round in, oh and I never go to MOJO's! Anyway as I was saying you lot are sh*te and you won't win nowt and you'll probably get relegated and as we say in 'Uddersfield, thy'll not get thy tea taneet! F*ck off Trinity!

Thanks again for your strong opinions Rob.  Let's hope Trinity can one day get close to the standard of football that you play at.  Good luck for the rest of the season!

You f*ggots!

I tell you what you lot are even g*yer than Gus's boyfriend Neil, how g*y is that well I'll tell you as your probably all to busy putting your make-up on to answer VERY F*CKING G*Y. Despite everything I said about you last week this week your so f*cking g*y that you've not even got a match, so you’re all going to meet up and have a little run in the park together like a right bunch of h*mos, probably chasing each others poodles around and taking about sunbed prices. I reckon, and like all good working class arguments this is based on absolutely no facts whatsoever, except the fact that I'm f*cking right, you lot are having a week off to recover from the fact that your team 'hard man' Matt 'Grammar School' Jordon got punched in the face by a circus dwarf and didn’t dare do anything and if Gardiner and Mullers hadn't rushed to his assistance he was about to start beefing or at the very least embark on 10 minutes of creepy over the top laughing coupled with unnecessary handshaking. So you've all recoiled in horror and rushed off to your make up bags to see if you could sort out his little boo boo. Frankie 'fair player who broke your legs for not passing to him in the warm up' Foster and Tony ' fair player who broke your legs for having a slightly more roomy boot in your car than him' Hegarty, two ex-Trinity legends would be turning in their wheelchairs if they knew about this, you f*ggots! I tell you what never mind energy givers and energy takers you lot want to stop giving head and stop taking it up the a*se and get back to basics, SORT IT OUT MULLERS  or I for one (and that’s probably all it will end up as) will start shouting BENTOS! BENTOS!

Hagarty and Foster were indeed fantastic players in their day at Trinity.   Let's hope the current players can match their achievements on the pitch this season!

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Thanks for the increase in storage MSN Hotmail Member Services.  It should prove to be very useful!

Stanman!

I am a regular visitor to the YOBL website and have recently come across a d*ck called Stanman. I have had many confrontations with this loser and have now been informed he is from Trinity!

We wont play you this year but I hope one day Stanman shows enough balls to come down to East Ardsley and follow up his harsh words. I bet he is bald cos nearly all of your players are. Especially that puff Higgins. His head is shiny! Grow your hair like that lad Killer, he has some style!

Boy Becks

This character you mention is apparently a Stanningley player or supporter.  The name that he uses does suggest this.

** Red Card **

Get it right!

It wasn't a deep cross from Mick Toney that was headed back across goal as he never got past me all day, it was that lad Gardiner who beat me and another lad for the umpteenth time and swung over a peach of a cross which Mullers guided expertly back across goal, Mick Toney was sulking on the half way line at the time. I believe it was Gardiner who sent Jordan clear for the last goal as well but it seems to me like your website has got its favourites and obviously that little f*ggot Toney is one of them, SORT IT OUT!

All match reports are written objectively with no bias to any players intended.  Any inaccuracies are honest mistakes.  For suggesting Trinity FC Online has 'got its favourites' is completely out of order and as a result you've been given the red card.  You're off!  Let that be a lesson to you!

 ** E-MAIL OF THE WEEK **

F*ggots!

I used to love watching Trinity nothing gave me greater pleasure on a Saturday morning than going along to be entertained by Trinity’s excellent style and flowing football as well as their hilarious on and off field banter, nothing that is except a good w*nk over Cat Deeley first, right lads! But this season however that is changing. First of all I seen you bottle it when playing league hard nuts Stanningley and then twice throw away a lead the other Saturday against a sh*te team because you weren't man enough to run up and down a big pitch. You've got players who are talking about their hair dos being at stage 3, f*ggots turning up with scarves on, some creepy fella who plays at the back or upfront always having a laugh with the biggest member of the opposition. Furthermore I believe that moisturisers have been spotted (I don't mean Macca there when I mention spots) in the changing room, what the f*ck is going on Trinity! I realise better than most that football is not as big a man’s game as it used to be, when I played you only wore shin pads if you were a complete h*mo and the warm up consisted off lager and kicks in the b*llocks whilst enjoying a couple of B&H, and that was at a standard as high as Rob Morris as played at which if you listen to him talking sh*te, which no one does is about as high as you could play even though every time I've seen him play for Trinity he looks pony with his big legs and his Asda footie boots. I doubt very much if this new level of f*ggot behaviour in the Trinity ranks is anything to do with Mullers as he used to work on the site and Trinty’s 2 openly g*y footballers haven't featured to much, although Gus still turns up anyway 'cos he likes watching young men run around in shorts, BUT SORT IT OUT MULLERS  or me and other committed Trinity fans will stop coming to watch and you'll turn into YOBL's 2nd official g*y team (after Roundhegians) and in true Leeds fan style I'll be at the games chanting BENTLEY! BENTLEY! BENTLEY! rather than BENDER! BENDER! BENDER!  Cheers.

A. Hole, Wortley

Some strong comments made which not all our readers will agree with.  However you've attempted to add substance to your criticisms with some good, hard evidence.  For your well constructed criticism you've been awarded e-mail of the week!

I'm right!

I thought I'd e-mail and respond to the recent criticism of myself.  Firstly I'm right when I say Trinity won't get close to winning anything as their players aren't good enough.  None of them would get into my team as we play at a much higher standard (And I could play even higher but the Liversidge manager was biased to his mates).  Secondly they don't get stuck in, like I do at a higher standard.  And thirdly they've got to make themselves big, like I do at a higher standard (and in the showers).

Rob Morris, Golcar, Huddersfield

Thanks for your opinions Rob.  The Trinity players are sure to be interested in them!

Mick Churley's barnet

Regarding the recent feature concerning the whereabouts of ex-Trinity players, I was wondering what ex-Trinity defender Mick Churley is up to.  He was always a pleasant sort of chap but his barnet was f*cking ridiculous.  I wonder if he's sorted it out.

Rich, Bramhope

Mick Churley was always a pleasant chap as you quite rightly say.  Readers if you have any news about the present condition of Churley's hair please e-mail Trinity FC Online now.

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Thanks for the advice!

A dog is just not for Christmas1

I believe Matt Jordan bought a dog, just in time for Christmas.  Let's hope he remembers the saying from the RSPCA 'a dog isn't just for Christmas'.  You can also eat the leftovers on Boxing Day!!  But seriously dogs need a lot of looking after and as well as giving a lot of love, they deserve a lot of love (which doesn't mean you can give them one up the a*se -though you'd get away with it as they can't tell anyone about it)

M T Bottel

Dogs are indeed lovely creatures, 'a man's best friend as they say'.  Though as you've pointed out you shouldn't be too friendly with them.

The usual e-mail from the next  opposition saying they're going to beat Trinity!

I play for Calverley, who are playing Trinity in the Old Boys' Shield on Saturday.  I bet Trinity think they're going to beat us because they are in Senior A and we're two divisions below them in Division One.  But we're a good team and we're unbeaten in the league this season.  Trinity have lost twice!  I've also heard Trinity are as soft as sh*t so we'll be looking to get stuck into them, as they don't like being tackled.  We'll also be testing the keeper with shots because 'if you don't shoot you don't score' (as said by ex-Trinity forward Mick Coleman every week for years when he was shooting from ridiculous angles and distances).  Anyway we'll win.

Calvin Calvey, Calverley

We'll see who wins on Saturday.  Good Luck!

** Red Card **

Stop copying!

I've heard Trinity skipper Matt Jordan has just bought a dog in just because his team-mate Paul 'Macca' McIntyre has got one.  I seem to remember Jordan getting ISS football on the playstation just because McIntyre had it.  No doubt he'll soon develop a stupid hairstyle and a spotty complexion, if he wants to be like McIntyre so much.  Get your own personality Jordan and stop copying other people!

A known associate both players mentioned, Leeds

Matt Jordan is a very much respected member of Trinity football club, who has a strong personality in his own right.  For your accusations you've been given the red card! You’re off!

 ** E-MAIL OF THE WEEK **

Website

I'd like to praise the brilliance of the website this season. Killers Verdict gives me music to listen to, Travers on TV gives me something to watch and The Lowe Down prepares us for the weekend.

All we need now is for Mullers to pull his fingers out and give us a few more training tips. It appears it has been a while since this has been updated. So, whilst I am watching amazing TV and listening to fantastic music (and it is always fantastic.  Take a gamble and buy the cds Killer mentions) I find myself becoming lazy and fat.

Bring back the fitness Mullers to make a website complete.

I think you are all amazing and I love you all so much

Martin Plamer

There’s two pieces of good news for you.  Firstly Football Fitness was updated this week, with advice on the use of weights as part of a football fitness programme.  And secondly you’ve been awarded e-mail of the week for your complimentary e-mail.

Rob Morris is a t*sser!

Regarding last week’s e-mail concerning occasional Trinity player Rob Morris slagging off Trinity.  I hear he is trying to get his Huddersfield team Golcar to set up their own website, a couple of years after criticising Trinity for setting up their own.  What a curly haired t*sser he is!

A member of the public, Yorkshire

Strictly speaking Rob Morris didn't slag the team off.  He just suggested they may struggle in the top division with the players that they've got.  Regarding the accusation that he's a 'curly haired t*sser' Rob would say that his hair isn't that curly these days.

Where’s Mick Coleman?

Concerning the whereabouts of ex-Trinity players, as focussed on the website in the last few weeks, I was wondering what ex-forward Mick Coleman was up to.  In his day he was an excellent forward, though he turned into a bit of a dull loner in his latter years.  Anyway I hope he’s doing sound.

Justin Thyme, Belle Isle

Mick Coleman is alive and well in Leeds.  Trinity FC Online wish him all the best.

Morris is a tw*t!

So Rob Morris thinks Trinity will be lucky not to get relegated does he, the arrogant tw*t!  Well I hope his team do get relegated, with him scoring sh*t loads of own goals as well.  That would make my f*cking day!

Mick O’Brien

The team Rob Morris plays for, Golka, are currently top of the table in their league.  So the prospect of relegation seems incredibly unlikely.  And to date Morris hasn't been credited with any own goals either.

P*ss off!

I play for Yorkshire Amateurs the team Trinity are playing on Saturday.  We’re a big team in Leeds and I’ve never heard of you lot.  We’re good and I know you’re sh*t, even though I’ve never heard of you like I said.  We’ll probably beat you 10-0 so p*ss off!

Dave, Yorkshire Amateurs

'May the best team win' as they say.  Good Luck on Saturday Dave.

** Red Card **

GET BACK TO ME!!

I want to transfer to overseas ($18,000.000.00 USD) Eighteen Million United States Dollars) from a Prime Bank here in South Africa, I want to ask you to quietly look for a reliable and honest person who will be capable and fit to provide either an existing bank account or to set up a new Bank a/c immediately to receive this money, even an empty a/c can serve to receive this money, as long as you will remain honest to me. I am Mr Richard Wilfred, during the course of our auditing I discovered a floating fund in an account opened in the bank in 1990 and since 1993 nobody has operated on this account, after going through some old files and records I discovered that the owner of the account died without an [heir] hence the money is floating and if I do not remit this money out urgently it will be forfeited for nothing.   The owner of this account is Mr. William U. Smith, a foreigner, and an industrialist. He died since 1993 and no person knows about this account or any thing concerning it, the account has no other beneficiary and my investigation proved to me as well that Mr. William U. Smith until his death was the manager of EagleEye [pty]. SA.

We will start the first transfer with Nine (9) million [$9,000.000] upon successful transaction without any disappointment from your side, we shall re-apply for the payment of the remaining amount to your account. I don't know any foreigner, I am only contacting you as a foreigner because this money can not be approved to a local person here. We will sign a binding agreement, to bind us together in this transaction as soon as you indicate your interest. So please reply urgently so that I will inform you the next step to take.

The management is ready to approve this payment to any foreigner who has correct information of this account, which I will give to you, upon your positive response and once I am convinced that you are capable. With my influence and the position in the bank, we can transfer this money to any foreigner's reliable account which you can provide with assurance that this money will be intact pending my physical arrival in your country for sharing. I will destroy all documents of transaction immediately we receive this money leaving no trace to any place. I will use my influence to obtain all legal approvals for onward transfer of this money to your account with appropriate clearance from the relevant ministries and foreign exchange departments.

Please, reply urgently giving me the following information:
 (a) Your expected Compensation in percentage of capital/Income derived from Total Invested capital.
 (b) Annual percentage tax on capital income in your country.
 (c) Inflation rate in your country.

I look forward to your earliest reply as soon as possible.

Richard Wilfred

For not knowing the inflation rate in this country you’ve been given the red card.  You’re off!

 ** E-MAIL OF THE WEEK **

Pin (badge)

Dear Mr/Mrs, I am a Dutch boy from thirteen year.  I collect pins (badges) from football clubs.  Please send me one from your club.  We thank you in advance for your co-operation.

Johnny Schenk, Rotterdam (Holland)

Unfortunately the Trinity merchandising department don’t actually produce a Trinity badge.  However for being our first ever Dutch e-mailer, and for sending such a polite e-mail, you’ve been awarded e-mail of the week.  We hope that makes up for your ‘lack of badge’ disappointment.

Advice required

In a desperate attempt to refute any "slur" on my character from the previous weeks emails. I am indeed living in the Bristol area, and I think you'll find that those young lads are now grown men and have there own minds , and they thoroughly enjoy all my travelling stories.  Anyway I need some advice on what could be a life changing decision.

I've suspected for some time now that my girlfriend has been cheating.  The usual signs. Phone rings, I answer, someone hangs up.  She started going out 'with the girls' a lot recently although when I ask which girls it is always "Just some friends from work, you don't know them".  I always look out for her taxi coming home but she always walks down the drive although I can hear a car setting off.  As if she has got out of the car round the corner. Why? Is it not a taxi?  I once picked her mobile up just to see what time it was and she went berserk and screamed that I should never touch her phone again and why was I checking up on her.

Anyway, I have never approached the subject with my g/f.  I think deep down I just didn't want to know the truth but last night she went out again and I decided to check on her.  I decided I was going to hide behind my car, which would give me a view of the whole street so I could see which car she gets out of. It was whilst crouched behind my car that I noticed rust around my rear wheel arch.

Should I take it into a body repair shop or should I buy some stuff from Halfords and try to repair it myself?

Eamonn G Kissane, "Trinity Legend"

You have to ask yourself two questions.  How much is the car worth?  And have you the ability to do a professional job?  If the car is of any decent value our advice is to get it done professionally.  It is well worth the investment in the long run.

Tanning from a tube.....

With reference to Goldie's (a.k.a. Angus Martin's) attack on Neil Higgins on sun-bed use, I think the wannabe Scottish p*$ck should turn his attentions to the one they call Jamie 'Ghanaian-loving' Connolly. For in fact the week previously, when Trinity were playing Medics, 'Meatloaf' proceeded to turn up for the game wearing fake tan all over his face, courtesy of his girlfriend.

Jamie had not exactly been 'tango'ed' but let's say that if he & Goldie teamed up, they wouldn't look out of place in Miami Vice.

A ball playing midfielder

Trinity FC Online respect players wishing to look their best at all times.  Whether this involves sun beds or fake tan creams is not our concern.  Performing on the pitch is what we care about.

Chris Moran

Following on from e-mails from previous weeks regarding what ex-Trinity players are up to these days I reckon that ex-Trinity keeper Chris Moran is still referring to his girlfriend as ‘the wife’ even though he probably still isn’t married to her, the little c*nt.  Although you never know he might have married her by now.  And if he has, good luck to him!

Andy Mac, York

Conversation overheard!

I overheard a conversation in a Huddersfield pub the other week between Trinity’s crowd favourite Jim ‘Mullers’ Mullowney and occasional Trinity player Rob ‘big legs’ Morris.  After Mullowney had suggested that Trinity’s aim was to try to win every competition they entered this year Morris suggested he should be ‘realistic’ and just concentrate on Senior A survival, as his belief was the Trinity players weren't good enough.  It then transpired that Morris’ aims for his team, Golcar, were to win everything as well!  What a flat footed, curly haired, a*sehole he is!

An eavesdropper, Huddersfield

Interesting comments overheard.  Readers e-mail Trinity FC Online now, with your views on the comments made by both Mullowney and Morris.

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Thanks for more of your useful information Hotmail Member Services.  Rest assured the Trinity FC Online team will be ‘expressing themselves’ with rich text editing.

** Red Card **

Trinity losers!

I heard the Trinity lads had a match between themselves on Saturday, after their match had been cancelled.  Knowing them both teams f*cking lost, as they are that f*cking sh*t!

A regular YOBL observer, Leeds

For your information twenty players took part in a competitive game, played in the correct spirit.  As a result ‘everyone was a winner’ as they say.  For your negative comments you’ve been given the red card.  You’re off!

 ** E-MAIL OF THE WEEK **

New Players

Having seen your request for potential new players to bolster your challenge for honours this year, I am happy to offer my out of contract services.  I have already purchased my supporters season ticket for 04-05, followed the team across the district on their away trips and also been a spectator at the gruelling mid week training sessions.  My key skills include shouting, warming up and filling in for absent match officials.  My favourite players are Jimmy Mullowney and Matt Jordan.  Do I get a game/win a prize?

Martin Palmer (aged 24)

Yes you do win a prize Martin.  Your prize is to be awarded e-mail of the week for your excellent e-mail!

Sun bed required!

I'm the big number 14 who was putting it about for Kinloss on Sat. We've a got few more game's in Leeds next year I wondered if any of you b*m boys could recommend a good sun bed shop to top up my tan? That Jimmy Sommerville looking tw*t you brought on in the second half probably knows a few, I think his name was Biggins?

Goldie

Well done for your good performance on Saturday.  It was a shame any team had to lose.  The player you are referring to is actually Neil Higgins, Trinity’s ball playing midfielder.  Regarding sun shops there are many situated in the city centre and suburbs of Leeds.  They can also be available in some private gymnasiums.  Trinity FC Online recommend you check out the Leeds Yellow Pages and book beforehand.

Kissane is in Bristol!

In response to the e-mail last week enquiring about the whereabouts of ex-Trinity players I am e-mailing about Eamonn Kissane.  I believe he is residing in Bristol and is playing for a team full of ‘young lads’.  Chances are he’s whacking sh*t low free kicks into the wall in the games.  And no doubt after the games he’s boring his young team mates senseless with tedious travel or cycling stories.  Anyway I hope he’s ok.

C Moran, Leeds

Eamonn was a fantastic player for Trinity in his day.  Trinity FC Online wish him all the best.

Mullowney always talks sh*t!

Well done Jimmy Yates!  He was right to tell Mullowney he was talking sh*t the other day, when Mullowney was doing his team talk.  Those team talks are sh*t and the sooner he stops doing them the better.  No f*cker listens to him anyway!

A team mate

Strong comments.  Who knows what sinks into players heads from a team talk? 

What’s Piggott up to?

I wonder what ex-Trinity keeper Mickey Piggott is up to these days.  Let’s hope he’s spent the £70 subs, that he still owes Trinity, wisely.

Matty J, North Leeds

Mickey was an excellent goalkeeper for Trinity.  Trinity FC Online hope he’s doing fine.

Dicko’s Kitchen!

Regarding last week’s e-mail about what players who used to play for Trinity are doing, I was wondering if Andy ‘Dicko’ Dickerson is still working on his kitchen.

Theresa Green, Bramhope

One would have thought he’d have finished it by now, as he started it nearly two years ago.  However some DIY jobs take longer than you think.

** Red Card **

Word of warning!

Hi there I'm a huge fan of Trinity, both the football team and the excellent website. On the pitch Trinity play a style that seems carefree, but is obviously well organised, they play in the right spirit and I'm sure even though I've got no evidence for this whatsoever that they no doubt do a lot of work for charity. However one of my favourite Trinity players hasn't even kicked a ball on the pitch legitimately yet this season, although he symbolically kicks every ball with the team off the pitch and regularly goes and fetches the ball when it goes out of play so that Trinity can embark on another of their free flowing attacking moves. I am of course referring to Martin Palmer, his enthusiasm and positive talk on the side line is a breath of fresh air, when placed along side the usual 'arm chair' critics with their big bellies and their bald heads who turn up and shout a load of sh*t from the sidelines invariably littered with references to how they were much better in their day and blah blah blah. Not for Martin, and his positivity is greatly appreciated by all the players I'm sure. However if he was turn up one week and started to shout obscenities at the players on the pitch, and started to say things like "you lot are fuc*ing sh*t and I'm f*cking much better than the lot of you, you sh*t c*nts" I'd hope that some hard case like Jordan, wouldn't do what he usually does to someone who acts like that without an NUS card, or Clubby who saves his shouting out a load of sh*te for the pitch, would wander off the pitch and kick the loud mouthed Scouser’s stupid f*cking head in, and tell him to stick to fetching the f*cking ball for the lads on the pitch or get more of the same you a*sehole. So bear that in mind Palmer you C*NT!

G. Spot, ARMLEY

Though your praise of Trinity’s style of play is appreciated, your suggestion that a respected team member would even contemplate verbally abusing his team mates is very much unappreciated.  Then to suggest acts of physical harm on another human being is disgraceful.  For that you’ve been given the red card.  You’re off!

 ** E-MAIL OF THE WEEK **

Where are they now?

How about a feature on what some of Trinity’s ex-players are up to these days.  For instance I’m sure your readers would like to know what the likes of Eamonn Kissane, Mickey Fallon, Craig Coupe and Graham Darley are up to.  I know I would.  They’re far more interesting than the faceless f*ckers who play for Trinity at the moment!

Ted Fortune, Wakefield (Wakey)

Your suggestion that Trinity's current players lack personality is out of order.  However your idea of featuring ex-players is actually quite good and for that you’ve been awarded e-mail of the week! If any readers know what any ex-Trinity players are doing please e-mail Trinity FC Online now.

Is Hotmail your only mail?

Judging by the level of Hotmail Staff e-mails being published this season is that an indicator you’re getting f*ck all e-mails from your proper readers, if indeed you are getting any readers?

Julie, Bramhope

Admittedly Trinity FC Online would like to receive more e-mails from our regular readers.  However Hotmail Staff do send us some interesting e-mails which we feel are worth sharing with our readers.

Update your home page!

I’ve noticed on your home page that Golf Clubbs and Football Fitness haven’t been updated for ages.  Come on make a better effort!

Winston, Leeds

You're quite right Winston. Trinity FC Online will take steps to update these popular columns soon.

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Hotmail Staff

Thanks again Hotmail Staff for more of your useful information.

Kilsby

How come Kilsby not doing the e-mails?  He was miles better than the c*nt who’s doing them at the moment!

A regular reader

Unfortunately Dave Kilsby couldn't commit to doing the e-mails page long-term so it was mutually decided by the Trinity FC Online team to remove him from the role.  However it is down to the readers to send in quality e-mails to make this page a success.

Made-up e-mails?

Are all your e-mails made up?

D Brief, Rothwell

No! What a ridiculous suggestion!

Trinity are the divvies!

I play for Kinloss, Trinity's opposition on Saturday.  I bet Trinity think we're divvies because we're from Hull.  But they're wrong, Trinity are the divvies!  They think they're clever with their qualifications and certificates but we'll show them how to play on Saturday.  We'll kick the sh*t out of the f*ckers first then we'll score ten goals past them.  That will prove who the divvies really are, so f*ck off!

Daz, Hull

Thanks for your e-mail Daz.  Good luck on Daturday and may the best team win!

** Red Card **

Trinity to get relegated

If you want my opinion, and your going to get it anyway, I think Trinity are on the downward spiral.  After winning their first few games when the weather was nice they are losing now it’s getting colder.  One suspects certain players won’t ‘fancy it’ in the coming months and they’ll start to struggle against the established Senior A sides.  It wouldn’t surprise me if they got relegated!

An experienced football watcher, Whitkirk

To sustain such a fantastic start was always going to be difficult for Trinity.  However to criticise the character of the players and suggest they will get relegated is out of order and worthy of a red card.  You're off!

 ** E-MAIL OF THE WEEK **

Fantastic start!

Despite Saturday’s defeat I must complement Trinity on their fantastic start to the season.  Four wins out of the first four games was truly superb!  Trinity’s super start has also been matched by the super start to the season by Trinity FC Online.  Despite the failed Kilsby experiment (in relation to the e-mails page) the website is going from strength to strength.  Travers on TV is an excellent column.  I look forward to reading Travers’ well-written television reviews every week.  The return of Killer’s Verdict is also appreciated.  It’s as good as ever.  Keep up the good work!

Jill Mowbray, Skipton

For your ‘fantastic’, complementary e-mail you’ve been awarded e-mail of the week!

Burst bubble

After winning their first four league games it look as if the bubble has burst for Trinity, after Saturday’s defeat at Stanningley.  I expect them to slowly slip down the league table in the next few weeks.  A lot of their players will probably pick up ‘injuries’ as the cold weather kicks in if what I’ve heard about them is true.

A well-trained observer, Bramhope

Only time will tell.  However these days the Trinity players have an abundance of character and one would expect them to swiftly bounce back after their defeat on Saturday.

Boring c*nt Gardiner!

I’ve heard Chris Gardiner is training to be a teacher.  What’s he a planning on teaching?  How to be a large headed, boring c*nt or something!  Only kidding, I hope he does well, he’s a good bloke is Chris.

Dean, Leeds

Yes Chris is a good bloke.  Let’s hope he does well in what is a tough, but rewarding profession.

You haven’t progressed!

Before last week I last read the Trinity FC Online e-mails page a couple of years ago.  I thought you would have progressed since then but apparently not.  It appears you still try to get cheap laughs through the frequent use of swear words.  Well I think that’s f*cking cr*p!

Jeremy Howser, Bingley

Your views have been noted.

A good thrashing!

I play up front for Leeds Medics, Trinity’s opponents on Saturday.  We’re top of the league and we intend to jolly well stay there.  We’re determined to give you a good thrashing on Saturday and I’ll be skinning your lousy defence.

Dr R. Robinson, Leeds Medics

Thanks for your e-mail Dr Robinson.  Let’s hope the best team wins!

** Red Card **

Diving c*nt Travers!

I noticed your star striker Stevie ‘diving c*nt’ Travers sh*t his f*cking pants when I started on him on Saturday.  It’s a good job my team mates got in my way otherwise I’d have kicked his boring cockney head in!  Then again I probably would have done f*ck all!

Spenner, Stanningley

The incident you mentioned marred an excellent game.  Though it is accepted that players occasionally have the odd temper tantrum you shouldn’t carry it over off the pitch.  For your comments you’ve been awarded the red card.  You’re off!  Regarding Stevie Travers, he isn’t a diver and chances are he didn’t soil his briefs with your threats either.

 ** E-MAIL OF THE WEEK **

Your Hotmail account is changing!

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Hotmail Member Services

Thanks for the information Hotmail Member Services.  It’s great to know Trinity FC Online will get twice as much spam protection combined with that ability to block 500 specific e-mail addresses.  For that piece of good news you’ve been awarded e-mail of the week!

Robbie-gate: Disabled or Perverted??

Although I agree that the 'red card' email last week from Mr S Dixon may have been intended to belittle our veteran forward I think it did raise some issues.  Indeed, I think there maybe more to this medical revelation from Robbie than we first believed. Robbie's sudden need for a calliper or some other form assistance may not be on medical grounds but may be related to another condition associated with the Bulb eyed one - Sexual Perversion. Click here for this article I’ve discovered from some obscure website.

Michael Jackson

Interesting article.  As ever the world of science offers more questions than answers.  Let’s hope Pearson gets back to fitness soon where he can ‘disable’ the opposition defences!

Shower Time!

Trinity have been a real team force this year and I think that’s due to one thing.....SHOWER TIME.  Introduced by Mick Toney it has taken hold of the whole team, especially G-Wing front man Jamie.

This is also the main reason why a couple of the younger lads are still coming week in week out.

Keep up the fun after game activities!

G-Wing wannabe!

To be fair Trinity have always taken showers after games, as hygiene has always been taken seriously at the club.  However it is good that there has been an injection of youth into the side recently.

Insurance anyone!

I’m the big black insurance salesman who tried to sell the Trinity team insurance against injury, half an hour before their game against Roundhegians the other week.  Any chance I can do the same this Saturday just before they play their match against Stanningley, as I didn’t managed to sell anything the other week.

Insurance salesman

The product you’re trying to sell sounds reasonable.  However just before a game is bad timing for a sales presentation of that sort, as players are trying to focus on the game ahead.  I recommend you send Trinity FC Online some leaflets outlining the benefits of your product and we’ll pass them onto the players.

Two c*nts!

I heard Mullowney had a right go at Chris Gardiner and Neil Higgins for not putting up the nets the other day.  Fair play to him!  It’s about time those two c*nts were put in their place.  They do f*ck all for the club!

A club insider, Leeds

Harsh words!  It’s true they could have contributed more in terms of putting up the nets the other day.  However they are valuable members of the club and contribute so much more in other ways!

** Red Card **

Sideline Antics!

For the last couple of games Trinity have had the joy of a Scouse mascot on the sideline. His encouragement and voice is always a welcome boost.

However, Trinity will not feel the benefits of this Scouse loudmouth if the bald one they call O'Keeffe keeps bellowing at referees.

Does anybody have a leash for this animal?

A Trinity Regular

It’s good that you appreciate the ‘encouragement’ from the sideline as you put it.  However you’re criticism of the Trinity legend  O’Keeffe is very much unappreciated! He’s entitled as much as anybody to voice his comments at games without fear of recrimination.  For your comments you’ve been given the red card.  You’re off!

 ** E-MAIL OF THE WEEK **

Brown Nosing!

Why oh why has somebody at Trinity felt it necessary to massage the bruised egos of the squad of ‘the Man United’ of Senior A by filing the match report on the Yorkshire Old Boys' League website complete with an ‘admission’ that the score line flattered us! B*llocks!

Not only was I disappointed to see that a 6-1 demolition of last year’s runaway champions by a newly promoted and thus far unbeaten Trinity side did not merit many column inches or special praise on the Old Boys website, but furthermore that the victory was tempered by such an outrageous and false statement.

Roundhegians were battered fair and square as the match report on our own Trinity website justly indicates, so why therefore can we not pronounce this to all and sundry? I can understand why we don’t want members of the team provoking or antagonising other teams and their players but surely this is a case of credit where credit is due? Well done lads on a superb performance-shame that someone at the club doesn’t see fit to announce to the rest of the league our statement of intention.

James Yates, Trinity goalkeeper

Trinity’s result against Roundhegians was indeed ‘superb’ as you put it James.  The score speaks for itself.  For your strong words you’ve been awarded e-mail of the week!

Well done again boys, fantastic to see the league table with Trinity proudly sitting at the top - long may it continue! Remember winning is a habit that is learned like any other!  With players like Clubby and Travers obviously still missing it looks like Jords & Jim will have some tough decisions to make. 

Anyway I look forward to my answer on the substitution(s) (now twice in two games) - Tactical? Or maybe an outrageous Michael Jackson style back heel leading to hamstring injury?

Bentley

PS I noticed the little f***er didn't score this week! 

It looked as though the substitution in the game against Centralians was tactical but against Old Rovers he was injured.  Unfortunately the ankle injury Pearson sustained could keep him out for a few weeks.

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Thank you, and enjoy the good news!

MSN Hotmail Member Services

Thanks for the good news Hotmail Member Services.  All the Trinity FC Online team did indeed enjoy it!

I am Mr. Wang Qin credit officer of the Hang Seng Bank Ltd.  I have a serious business proposal for you now and I demand your attention, Before the U.S and

Iraqi's war our client General. Ibrahim Moussa who was with the Iraqi forces and also a business man made a numbered fixed deposit for 18 calendar months, with a total value of Twelve millions Five Hundred Thousand United State Dollars only

($12,500,000) in my branch Bank. Upon maturity several notice was sent to him, even during the war early this year. Again after the war another notification was sent to him and still no response came from him. We later find out that the General and his family had been killed during the war in bomb blast that hit their home.

After further investigation it was also discovered that Gen. Ibrahim Moussa did not declare any next of kin in his official papers including the paper work of his bank deposit. And he also confided in me the last time he was at my office that no one except me knew of his deposit in my bank. So, Twenty millions Five Hundred Thousand United State Dollars is still lying in my bank and no one will ever come forward to claim it. What bothers me most is that according to the laws of my country and Banking rule at the expiration of 3 years the funds will revert to the ownership of the Hong Kong Government as unclaimed funds if no legitimate person applies to claim the funds. Against this backdrop, my suggestion to you is that I will like to present you as a foreigner to stand as the next of kin to Gen. Ibrahim Moussa so that this funds can be paid to you in your nominated account

WHAT IS TO BE DONE:

I want you to know that I have had everything planned out so that we shall come out successful. I have contacted an attorney that will prepare the necessary legal document that will back you up as the next of kin to Gen. Ibrahim Moussa,  If this offer is ok with you, please do send me your details (name, tele, fax, address)

After you have been made the next of kin, the attorney shall make an application for the funds release in your favour which am very sure the Bank will grant. The attorney shall employ legal mean and make sure we observe both local and International laws. I demand your total honesty, trust and keep it very secret.  Once the funds have been transferred to your nominated bank account we shall share in the ratio of 70% for me, 25% for you and 5% for any expenses incurred during the course of this transaction, like telephone bills and Bank charges.

Should you be interested please expedite action as this demands urgency. I wait your reply soon

Mr Wang Qin

Sounds like an ingenious plan Wang.  If any readers are interested in taking advantage of this opportunity ‘please expedite action’ as Wang put it.

I sincerely hope I'm not going to be ignored after your comments on last week’s emails!

The intellectuals of the Footballing world would agree with me in saying that 'communication' on the field is 90% of the success of a good footballing team. It is thus consequential that Trinity often start off slowly in games as collectively we are too quiet from the start!

This is something I feel we need to rectify if we are going to be a success in this league.  For confirmation, what I actually call is ''shout AT him''. If a player is on a run, isn't it better to have various options (with players calling for the ball) rather than being isolated or with difficult options. For example, if a forward has his head down with all his team mates behind him, SHOUTING at him will give him the option to hold the ball up, look for an oncoming midfielder, maybe even to bullet a header into the top corner of the net!

Anyway, jumping off my soapbox, ignore me at your peril..........

Neil Higgins

Thanks for your e-mail Neil.  Keep up the hard work in midfield!

Your website www.trinityfc.org.uk was added to my directory

My name is David, and I'm the owner of www.realsportsnetwork.com

I want to let you know that I've just placed a link to your site:

www.trinityfc.org.uk  on my directory.

The link to your site is placed here:

http://www.realsportsnetwork.com/Soccer_UEFA_England_NonLeague_Local_Leagues_Y_Yorkshire_Old_Boys.html.

I'm using this title to link to your site: 'Trinity FC Online'

This is the description that is being used: 'Trinity and All Saints College Old Boys (TASCOB) Football Club. News, match reports, fixtures, statistics, profiles, and e-mails page.'

I would also appreciate your opinion about my directory, and if you could let me know when the link to my site will be added to your site.

David

The description of Trinity FC Online is accurate David.  When we get round to viewing your directory we will pass on our opinion.

I would like to draw your attention to a brawl I witnessed last week outside the famed ‘Fab Café’ involving obvious ‘soccer yobbos’. From my ‘crows nest’ position in K2 (may be impressive for your legions of female followers, but hopefully not the one with the dodgy arm in the Pack Horse), I was drawn to the shrill shrieks in the midnight air. The ‘Troy-like’ escapade unfolded with two young(ish) revellers charging at 5 innocent bystanders, only to receive what looked like a bit of a tw*tting. Another ‘Phil Mitchell’ type character tried to intervene but I think he ‘took one for the team’ and then f*cked off for a burger. I would hope that with the festivities to come in Portugal this type of incident will not be typical of the good honest football fan who just wants the boys to do well and the hooligans to stay at home. There is no place for this in our beautiful game.

On the other hand I did hear that an expensive ‘Casio style’ digital watch was broken in the fracas so maybe a full on scrap was the right thing to do after all?

Mick Sterbs

PS – Come on England

The incident you describe sounds regrettable. Trinity FC Online are whole heartedly against gang fights in public, no matter what brand of watch may be damaged!

Why not add your own personal signature to the bottom of every Hotmail message you send? You can customise the font style, colour and size and add emoticons, too. Simply activate the rich-text toolbar and get creative!

Hotmail Staff

Thanks for the tip Hotmail staff!

Well done to all the boys for the fantastic start to the season.  After less than impressive openings for the past two seasons this should really make people sit up and take notice.  Good to see that the Travers/Jordan partnership is still banging the goals in.  I presume the inclusion of Clubbs means that you've had plenty of rain to allow his toe, knee and what ever else to venture out so early in the season.  From the line up I guess that Jordan is playing at the back (has he had a look and decided to much competition for places upfront).  Talking of veteran forwards I have seen a set of callipers for sale.  Although normally for the handicapped they should be able to assist Robbie and his 'short leg' problem.

Very much looking forward to watching the action on Saturday - Should I bring my boots??

Bentley

Trinity have indeed made a fantastic start to the season though it must be remembered only three games have been played and there’s a long way to go!  No trophies are ever handed out in October! With regard to your closing question you should always bring your boots to games, you never know when you might be needed!

I am writing to ask if your Club would be interested in having its own Fantasy Football League next season.

For nine years I was a team manager in a club in a local Youth Football League and fund-raising was always a problem. Fortunately for us, we ran an end-of-season 5-a-side tournament which was a vital source of income for us – without it, we would have struggled. If your Club needs assistance with fund-raising, I hope that you will consider this opportunity. This is a genuine offer – this letter isn’t junk-mail and there are no “strings” attached.

Many people – myself included – take part in Fantasy Football Leagues run by national newspapers or on the internet. They are enjoyable but, generally speaking, there are only one or two prize-winners; you don’t know the people you’re competing against and most of us are just “making–up the numbers” with not a lot to play for after Christmas. If your Club had its own Fantasy Football League, you could decide how many prize-winners there would be; you could decide what the cash prizes would be; generally speaking, everybody would know their fellow competitors and even though many of them would still be “making–up the numbers”, they’d be aiming to finish above a friend who was in a similar position. At the end of the season, hopefully everyone will have enjoyed it; some people will have won prizes and your Club will have raised some funds.

I have created a website – http://www.yourffl.co.uk/– which explains how everything would work. There are two other websites  – www.demo1.yourffl.co.uk and www.demo2.yourffl.co.uk– which demonstrate what your own Fantasy League website could look like. They both do the same things but the latter one doesn’t have as many “bells and whistles”.

Richard Murphy, Middlesex

Sounds like an interesting concept.  The Trinity FC Online team will investigate!

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Hotmail Staff

Another good tip.  You’re full of them!

** Red Card **

Pearson – a tribute!

I would like to take this opportunity to pay tribute to one of your long serving players. The veteran centre forward Iain Pearson has graced the YOB league for a number of years now and during his career he has acquired many major honours. In addition to being a key player for Trinity FC he has also been a valuable member of the league representative side. This e-mail may at first seem a little g*y but I can assure you I do not fancy Iain. The reason I am writing this is because his achievements in the game are even more outstanding than first thought, as Iain is actually disabled! Iain has officially been diagnosed by experts as being full on disabled as he has one leg longer than the other. This explains not only his recent bad luck with injuries, but also why he runs across the width of the pitch with the ball as he cannot turn comfortably to face towards goal.

It is testament to Iain's character that he has managed to play for so long with two boots that are actually the same. I do hope Trinity will look after their ageing player and chip in to buy him some build-up insoles and a much needed calliper. Well done Iain, the game needs more players like you and hopefully you can be a role model for other disabled kids throughout the region. Good luck with the charity wheelathon and this week's Paralympics!

Mr S Dixon

How dare you use this website as a stage to attack one of Trinity’s favourite sons!  Your ‘tribute’ is nothing but a puerile attempt to belittle a fine player and person!  Rest assured he’ll be back in a few weeks knocking in the goals for Trinity.  For your comments you’ve been given the red card.  You’re off!

 ** E-MAIL OF THE WEEK **

Guten Tag Trinity

So glad to see the boys off to a winning start in Senior A!!  Also good to see new names along side some the familiar ones, is the face of Trinity changing from the slightly over weight and balding one that has become common place in recent seasons.  It is also great to see that goals can come from a source other than 'The Partnership' known as Stevie Travers.  Especially good to read that Trinity 'Veteran' Robbie 'Jardel' Pearson is still capable of finding the back of the net, is he back to his best? I did notice his substitution?  Was this tactical? Or to allow a standing ovation from the crowd after a match winning performance? Or was is because the little fat b*****d can't last 90 minutes anymore and will need to be used as a cameo this year?

Well done Matt & Jim and good luck to the boys next week!! 

Herr Bentley

P.S.  I'm I right in thinking Macca's cultured right foot is back at full back??

Thanks for the supportive words. You are correct in saying the pitbull that is macca has been moved to right back and is performing as well as ever.  However, you are incorrect in saying Trinity would be silly enough to rid themselves of their over weight and balding roots. The fact we have a couple of ugly balding t**ts leads the opposition into a false sense of security, giving our young bucks a chance to show off their skills. Robbie was once again injured. It seems his child like hamstrings weren’t up to 90 minutes. We hope a week off this week will help his cause.

What does Higgo mean?

It has come to my attention that every week the midfield maestro that is Higgo insists on shouting “show him”. Can you help in this please? Is there something being lost in translation?

A Trinity Regular

I have spoken to another of Trinity’s “Manchester posse” and have been informed he is actually saying “shout him”. A term used by people who feel another player needs to make himself heard. Like most people I would stop worrying yourself by simply ignoring him.

Where is Killer’s Verdict?

I have gone the whole summer without buying a CD due to Killer’s Verdict not being available. Now the site is up and running I have noticed it still isn’t working. Can you make sure he is back soon as I love him and his reviews?

A stunning youth

Fear not, Killer will return.   Next week he will review his first album of the year and it promises to have the same in depth and heart felt review as always.

Want to Fight?

I play for Old Rovers and would like to challenge the Irish sh*t that started on me on Saturday. I am also Irish and although nobody could understand what we were saying, I think they realised he was being a cock. So, 3pm next Saturday at the pack horse. Are we on?

I.Rish

Thanks Mr Rish I shall pass your request on to the relevant person. Did anyone understand them? If so please mail Trinity.

** Red Card **

Dear Friend

In due respect I would Like to disclose a mutual transaction to you. I am Mr. Joseph Sabbatta Head Foreign Operation Unit of Dhabian Safe and Vaultes Consultancy Services, South Africa.

We have a consignment in our custody valued at $15,000,000.00 USD (Fifteen Million United States Dollars) which was deposited by one or our customer from France. For the past six years it is been recorded in our computer system that the beneficiary of the deposited consignment is dead and up till date we have not received any signal from his relatives for claiming of the deposited consignment.

Further to the above, two of my colleagues and I, resolved to solicit for your cooperation to move our this consignment to your destination or to any of our sister's company in Europe for your collection, as the beneficiary, we will be responsible for all the documentations that will give your claim all legal backing needed.

However, as soon as I receive your favourable response then I will update you on the mapped out procedures towards the successful shipment of this consignment to your destination.

I am looking forward for your kindly response.

Regards

Mr. Joseph Sabbatta

As always Trinity have come across as people who give a f**k about foreigners. I apologise about this one slipping the net. I have spoken to Mullers and anyone who wants to help the foreign scum will be dropped and fined at least £10.  You’ve been awarded the red card.  You’re off!!