Your e-mails archives 2005/06

 ** E-MAIL OF THE WEEK **

Second team

As I've been to watch the second team for most of the season, I've decided to do a Soccer AM version of team-mates for the mighty green army.

Best trainer:   Fieldy   (fit as a fiddle)

Worst trainer:   Colin   (as he injured Fieldy for the wortley game)

Most skilful:   Fieldy   (makes Leroy look average)

Biggest moaner:   Higgo   (if he didn't get the ball, my word, he wasn't happy)

Most intelligent:   Fieldy   (the guy is so brainy, doesn't need to swear with his intelligence)

Quickest player:   Fieldy   (LIGHTNING)

Worst dressed:   Lummo   (the Sunderland red and white stripes don't do it for me, not every week anyway)

Best dressed:   Fieldy   (he looks so fine, whatever he wears)

Joker:     Fieldy      (so funny)

Memorable moment:   Fieldy turning up on a saturday (the man is just a legend)

Best looking:  Fieldy   (WOW)

Worst looking:  Beattie   (URRRGGGHHHH)

Player of season:   Fieldy   (who else)

Fans player:   Fieldy

So then, that concludes the second team awards for 2005/6 season.

Bet you can't guess who done this?

Anonymous, Trinity

We have our suspicions but you've still been awarded e-mail of the week!  

Unlucky

Just like to say bad luck in the cup final Trinity. I was there to watch and there wasn't much between the 2 teams. Next year a better run in the league and a cup success is in order.

Killer

Trinity did indeed play well in the Yorkshire Old Boys' Shield final but it just wasn't their night.  As ever it was a pleasure to see you.  Let's hope you're back in Trinity colours next season!

Well done all Trinity players for another excellent season.  Although no silverware was actually won by either side it was still an achievement for the first team to reach two cup finals and the second team to get promoted.  Here's to next season chaps.  Don't forget to stay fit over the summer!

Jim 'Mullers' Mullowney, Trinity coach

Thanks for your e-mail Jim.  As a club Trinity did perform well on the pitch this season.  Let's hope they can progress further next season.

Breakfast Issues

I had just finished eating my usual breakfast bar this morning when I did something quite strange. It was a "Jordan’s Feusli Bar" and as I put the wrapper down I suddenly had a thought....

Could the production of these be connected to Matt Jordan himself?

I am led to believe that he does not wash his hands after going to the toilet so I chucked the lot away-38 boxes-....better to be safe than sorry.

Can you quickly confirm or deny this as the 2 for 1 offer at Morrisons runs out next week.

Anne Emerald

As far as we know the Trinity captain's hygiene habits are exemplary.  Therefore if he does have any connection to the bars you've mentioned you should be safe.

Have you ever done something that you really shouldn’t have? Something so painfully awkward that you cringe just thinking about it?  If so, you could be in line to win great prizes with MSN Hotmail!

We want you to e-mail us your embarrassing stories via MSN Hotmail and make us cringe. We also want you to send them to your friends - not only so they laugh at your expense, but also so they vote for you if your story makes the weekly Top Five newsletter. Every week, the best stories will win fantastic prizes!

Hotmail Member Services

Readers, you can also e-mail your embarrassing stories to Trinity FC Online.  However we can't promise you any 'fantastic prizes'!

I'll sign for anyone!

I'm a disillusioned fringe player at Trinity who could do with a new challenge, footballing wise.  I've heard so called Trinity players Angus Martin and Mark Lumsden are currently trying to poach various Trinity players for other teams who they have interests in.  I was just wondering when I was going to get my call.  Failing that are there any other sly c*nts who are trying to poach players behind the management's backs.  If so give me a call.  You sound like my type of guys.

A fringe player, Trinity

It's unlikely this sort of thing is going on at the club especially with the two players you mention, as they are both honourable gentlemen.  Your information sources may have mislead you. 

Skeggy!

I've heard the Trinity players are off to Prague on their end of season trip.  Who do they think they are, the flash tw*ts.  What's wrong with Skeggy?  That's where we're going.  It's miles cheaper and just as good.

A divvy who plays for Stanningley, Stanningley

There is nothing wrong with Skegness.  It's a fine seaside town.  However Prague is also a fine place to visit.  It's a case of 'each to his own' as they say!

I hope there’s no e-mails slagging off that c*nt Jonesy this week.  I think he's sound.

A Jonesy fan, Bramhope

Jonesy is a genuine Trinity character.  He'll be pleased to know he's got a fan out there.

** Red Card **

To the Preston fans

Just thought I'd email in and laugh at the Preston boys at trinity (RICHARD LAMBERT BEING ONE). As a big big Leeds fan, I would like to let you know that I'll be thinking of you when we're in Cardiff. you couldn't even beat us when the referee was giving you everything except yellow cards. how your greasy keeper didn't get booked for reacting to Cresswell, well I'll never know. Maybe the 2nd goal, he'd been watching me or he'd just wiped his gloves on his hair. who does he think he is, Ian Walker.

Anyway, look out for me and deano on telly.

Fieldy

Leeds United have to be congratulated for progressing to the play-off final but Preston also have to be admired for their contribution to an excellent semi-final.  For your lack of grace in victory you've been given the red card.  You’re off!

 ** E-MAIL OF THE WEEK **

An Ode to Jonesy

Hi, you may have heard of me and my number one band, I'm John Bon Jovi from Bon Jovi. Me and the guys were, sick as parrots, I believe you say, when we heard that one of greatest fans and all round good guy, Jonesy left your team. I'm betting the club ain't the same without you big guy, what's say you just forget this season and get yourself ready for next. Anyway, in an effort to cheer you up we re-wrote one of our most popular hits to personalise it for you, so get out your tennis rackets and air guitar like never before to this one, it's our modified version of 'Livin' on a Prayer'. LETS ROCK!!

Once upon a time
Not so long ago
Jonesy used to work on his abs,
Now his heads in the fridge
He's eating a pie it's tough, so tough
His bird drives a Porsche all day
She'll let him change the gears someday
For love-for love
He says check out what huge arms I've got
'Cos I do a 1000 curls and that’s a lot
It doesn't make a difference
If I can close me jeans or not
4 sit ups? I'll give it a shot

Chorus:
HNNNNNNN, I'm half way there
f*ck this I'm off on an all dayer
Give us a hand up love - I swear
6 pack? I haven't got a prayer

Jonesy had the fastest hands in Burnage
Fast so fast
His bird wonders if he's g*y
'Cos he's tanning himself all day, all day
Then he says, check out what huge arms I've got
'Cos I do a 1000 curls and that’s a lot
It doesn't make a difference
If I can close me jeans or not,
4 sit ups? I'll give it a shot

Chorus:
HNNNNNNN, I'm half way there
f*ck this I'm off on an all dayer
Give us a hand up love - I swear
6 pack? I haven't got a prayer

Sat on the loo ready or not
You live for a big sh*te when you've got a big gut

Chorus:
HNNNNNNN, I'm half way there
f*ck this I'm off on an all dayer
Give us a hand up love - I swear
6 pack? I haven't got a prayer

There you Jonesy old pal, we hope they'll be singing this one on the terraces next season, so roll your sleeves up (even higher) and get yourself back out there, we love you Jonesy, you ROCK!!

J. Bon Jovi. California, U.S.A.

For doing such a fantastic job of modifying a brilliant song you've been awarded e-mail of the week!  

Team Mates

I'm a Trinity player and also a avid fan of Soccer AM. I thought I'd combine the two through the medium of 'Teammates' the Soccer AM feature where players spill the beans on their team mates. Here goes...

Best Trainer: Macca (needs to be)

Worst trainer: Fieldy. Has he ever got through a session?

Most skilful: Leroy. He's the Christiano Ronaldo of Trinity.

Biggest moaner: Jonesy. Ok so not a first team player but represents the club at moaning conventions.

Most intelligent:  Mullers. So intelligent all his hair fell out!

Least intelligent: Mark Ryan. Full head of hair.

Quickest player: Rayon - quicker than a ray-on light!

Worst Dress sense: Chris Gardiner. As one Stanningley player put it.. "you dress like a tw*t!" Yes Stanningley!

Worst taste in music: Clubby. AC/DC Guns N Roses etc. Don't get in his car!

Hard man: Jimmy Yates. Would you f*ck with that chest?

The Joker: Gardiner again. Doesn't mean they're funny though! Or Mad Irish Gareth.

And... Who is the longest in the shower...Higgo & Gus. No idea what they get up to.

Perhaps some other players could give their nominations or expand on this with new categories like 'Biggest Arms' or ' Highest pitched team talk by a captain'

A Trinity Player

Excellent analysis of the Trinity team.  Readers please feel free to e-mail your nominations for similar, or even completely different categories.

New Feature

I’d like to do a weekly feature on the website called ‘Jonesy’s Fit Tips’ Here’s a pilot run, see what you think.

Killer Arms:

I’ve seen my arms change dramatically by doing uneven bicep curls – this causes your muscle fibres to fire differently, leaving you with killer arms.  Stand holding a can of beans in one hand and a half-litre bottle of water in the other. Be careful not to crush either of them, as that could be quite messy. Curl both weights towards your shoulders at the same time, 12 times, then switch weights and repeat till completely f*cked.

Is it a goer?

JB Jonesy

As the Football Fitness column on the home page hasn't been updated for a long time this could be the perfect replacement.

Me and me bird are sick to death of our copycat neighbours, we are. I'd just driven home from one of me over subscribed Economics classes, cos everyone wants to be in my classes. Parked next to me birds Porsche, cos me bird's got a Porsche, and I looked onto next door's drive and I couldn't believe me arms, they had a car as well. This is just one of a sh*t load of things I could point out to you that they've been copying off us. We've got a back garden, they've got a back garden, I go on sunbed, they go on sunbed, we've got double glazing, so've they and so on. So I'd had enough me, so I shouted up to me bird, "throw us down one of me tight t-shirts with the short arms", she said "which one?", I said "The one under the picture of Bon Jovi", she said "which one?", I said "the one of him on stage shaking a load of sweat off his hair, whilst shouting into the mic". She said "why?", I said "I'm taking the Porsche out, I'm gonna show those neighbours of ours, and when I get back in the Porsche, they'll be sorry they're such copycats". I flexed in the mirror, which seems to be broken from the chest area down, I thought I was at a f*cking funfair or something when I first looked in it. Anyway, I went and I bought some industrial strength black paint and when I drove the Porsche back to me house, I lifted the tins of paint out of the boot, catching sight of me massive arms in the wing mirrors, and set about painting the outside of me windows. I tell you what lads wait until me copycat neighbours copy that I find that it's impossible to remove then they'll be f*cking sorry. Eh, Eh.

Jonesy, Porsche, Alwoodley

Neighbours who copy can be irritating.  However it pays to be friendly with them as they can keep an eye on your house when you're on holiday and that sort of thing.  Remember the Australian song 'Neighbours, everbody needs good neighbours...etc'

Trinity are going to get a good kicking!

I play for Malet Lambert, Trinity's opponents in next week's cup final.  I've heard Trinity can play decent football but they are a bit soft and they don't like being tackled, especially in midfield.  We're going to give them a good f*cking kicking all game.  Our strikers will do the rest.  They'll skin your slow, sh*te defenders.  4-0 win to us I reckon.

John (stocky midfielder or full back), Malet Lambert, Hull

We'll see what happens this coming Wednesday.  May the best team win as they say.

Hi

PLEASE SIR,

I WANT TO JOIN YOUR TEAM MEMBERS PLEASE TELL ME MORE ABOUT YOUR CLUB AM FROM NIGERIA AND I SAW YOUR TEAMS WEBSITE AND I WANTED TO APPLY BUT DONT KNOW HOW TO DO THAT PLS SIR YOU WILL ENJOY MY FOOTBALL IF PLAY IN YOUR TEAM.

AUSTINE, NIGERIA

Pre-season training will start on the first Wednesday of July, 7.00 pm at Soldiers' Field, Roundhay Park.  All new players are welcome.  Hopefully we'll enjoy your football as you put it.

** Red Card **

The Land of the Blind

I heard a phrase the other day and it got me thinking. "In the land of the blind, the one-eyed man is king". Is this really the case? It obviously implies that the one eyed man can see clearly, unlike everyone else in the land. But just because you've got one eye doesn't mean you can see does it?

However if we assume that he does have clear vision in that eye, then that exposes a second flaw - it's not the land of the blind, it's the land of the mostly blind.

Therefore, I suggest that this saying be re-phrased to take this into account as follows.... "In the land where almost everyone is blind, apart from the king who has one visually sound eye, the one-eyed man is king."

Any takers?

G Banks, Leicester

For ridiculing blind people when you know full well they can't answer back, as they obviously can't read your e-mail, is completely out of order.  Also for conceding a corner when Pele headed the ball goalwards in the 1970 World Cup, when you should have easily caught it, has resulted in you being given the red card.  You’re off!

 ** E-MAIL OF THE WEEK **

I'm in a bursting fit!

Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, I'm maybe ready to burst I think. Hello my friends, you may have remembered me yes? I e-mailed in some weeks ago to share my book ideas with you, it was to, how you say, correlate all the most hilarious and fun characters from the genius of comic YOBL site. But friends I am having oh so difficulties to write because the exchanges just keep getting more fun. Before, and I am so cross with myself I denied myself the pleasures of my wives for 5 weeks, I was missing someone who even out funs the Killer, the Boy Becks, Bill and the great Unbreakable, YESSS, I think you are already informed as to I speak, the incredible Don Juan, ha, ha, ha, even writings his name is making me double with fun (I ask my English friend, like your Who Wants to be a Millionaire, yes? Who is this Don Juan and he tells me he is legendary lover of women and after reading his banter I am not surprised women are falling for him, I could and b*mmers go to hell in my country). This Don Juan is so confidence in his own comic genius that he brave enough to challenge the other funsters and say something like "These threads are getting dreadful!!! Time to stir it up a bit. 3, yes 3 exclamation markers he puts down to make you shiver with expectancy of how much stirring he will do.

Because my English is not so big I didn't realise what stir meant, but when I log on, OH YES I know now, it meant he was going to cause NEW, EVEN BETTER fun. I was thinking my sides were pushed to the limit already but with Don Juan as the comic spoon stirring the fun soup I am now full to the brim with laugh. I will make my very best attempt to re-tell some of the stuff Don Juan can do and I think, my friends, you will soon see how he has been risen the others to an EVEN higher level, I am aching with glee, I know now if I could be one other man on this Earth it would be your Neville who is first to read these great to and fro's. Here goes example of fun.

Don Juan: "I can't believe Ballsy is still getting a game his son is older than me!!!!

Unbreakable: "Don't be daft Ballsy could not have a son he bats for the other side!!!

Bill: "Ha ha. Nice one Don, when are you going to a grace us with your presence again, we could do with a sub!!!!

Don Juan: "You can't have 11 if your getting in!!! Only joking, the great one will return soon to STIR things up"

Boy Becks: "It'll be a privilege to play alongside someone in their 50's"

Killer: "HA HA nice one Becks. Good to have you back STIRRING it up Don, how about getting Quatro in that rep side, because I like Blacks me"

Don Juan: " well if Ballsy can get in anyone can!!!!!"

Bill: "Ha HA HA. Seriously though Don get yourself down on Saturday, the lads would appreciate it"

Unbreakable: "Yeah definately"

Don Juan: "Course I will lads I'll even push Ballsy's wheelchair!!!"

Killer: "ha ha"

Bill: "ha ha"

Becks: "ha ha"

Unbreakable: ha ha"

Neville: "Ballsy died last night, he was pis*ed up and drove straight into lamp-post

Don Juan: "ha ha, no?"

Oh my trousers need changing for they are soaked where my p*nis is, what brilliant funning. Oh Bill, Oh unbreakable, oh Boy Becks, oh Killer and OHHH Don Juan you have filled my life with so much joy, may Allah bestow everlasting happiness on you and your loved ones. Good by for now my friends I hope you are smiling as much as me and don't get on flight 634262889 From Birmingham to Madrid on the 15th of April

Allah be praised.

C. Gardallah

For more superb observations you've been awarded e-mail of the week!  Readers, to view more humorous exhanges on the YOBL website click here

Sack the editor!

I know Pete Doherty's off his head most of the time but does he really think he's still in 'The Libertines' (see home page)? Tell the scruffy c*nt he got f*cked out of them two years ago. It's 'Babyshambles' now Peter. What a sh*t name by the way. Sh*t name, Sh*t band, Sh*thead for a lead singer..

You don't happen to have a number for him do you? (need a new supplier).

O'Keeffe's Dad, Chapel Allerton

Pete has had a few problems lately, which have been well documented by the national press.  However he remains a talented musician and guest editor.  He does remember his time with the Libertines fondly but he is now looking forward with the Babyshambles.  The editorial has been amended in light of your comments.

Beckham joke

David Beckham decides to go horse riding. Although he has had no previous experience he skilfully mounts the horse and appears in complete command of the situation as the horse gallops along at a steady pace. Victoria admiringly watches her husband. After a short time David becomes a little casual and he begins to lose his grip in the saddle, he panics and grabs the horse around the neck shouting for it to stop.  Victoria starts to scream and shout for someone to help her husband as David has by this time slipped completely out of the saddle and is only saved from hitting the ground by the fact that he still has a grip on the horse's neck. David decides that his best chance is to leap away from the horse, but his foot has become entangled in one of the stirrups. As the horse gallops along David's head is banging on the ground and he is slipping into unconsciousness. Victoria is now frantic and screams and screams for help!!!! Hearing her screams, the Tesco Security Guard comes out of the store and unplugs the horse.

Fieldy

Thanks for the joke Fieldy.  Readers keep those football related jokes flooding in.  The Trinity FC Online team love a good laugh.

With the end of season social coming up I was wondering, instead of having a drinking competition this year, could we have something else? I was thinking something more physical like, I don't know, erm... an arm wrestling competition. Yeah that sounds good, an arm wrestling competition. The winner could be officially crowned 'Trinity Big Arms 2006' or something along those lines.

What would the lads think to that do you reckon?

'Jon Bon' JONESY

Interesting idea.  Whether it takes place is down to Trinity's social secretary Gareth Curran, who is in charge of what happens on the night.

Apply the laws referees!

While watching Trinity’s game against Yorkshire Bank the other night I had to sympathise with popular Trinity midfielder Jim ‘Mullers’ Mullowney.  For reminding the referee that the laws of the game suggest a player who deliberately fouls from behind should be booked he was booked himself for ‘ungentlemenly conduct’.  It appears that you can practically murder someone on the pitch and get away with it but if you say something that offends the referee then you’ll get punished.  Come on YOBL referees start to apply the laws of the game properly!

Disgruntled fan, Leeds

Fair point, well made.

Permit me to inform you of my desire of going into business relationship with you. I got your name and contact from your country directry . please i need a reputable and trust-worthy person that can help me to transfer this money.  I am Mr.Water Dorman, the only son of late Mr.and Mrs. Dorman.  My father was a very wealthy Gold Merchant in Murovia the Gold Capital of Liberia, my father was poisoned to death by his business associates on one of their outings on a business trip. My mother died when I am little and since then my father took me so special.  Before the death of my father on November 2003 in a private hospital in ABIDJAN REPUBLIC OF COTE D'OIRE he secretly called me to his bedside and told me that he has the sum of US$15 Million Dollars (FIFTEEN MILLION DOLLARS) which he deposited with a bank in cote divoire.  He also explained to me that it was because of this wealth that he was poisoned by his business associates.  Please I want you to assure me that when the funds reaches your account I will not be denied of my share of the total money.

1. To stand as the beneficiary of this funds since I am only 19 years

2. To make arrangement for me to come over to your country to further my education and to secure Residence permit in your county for me.

3. To assist me transfer the money from the bank of cote d'ivoire to your account in your country as my late father foreign partner and the beneficiary of this money do not be afraid of anything because I have all the vital documents that proved the deposit of the money in the bank and the origin of the money. Moreover, I am willing to offer you 15% of the total sum as compensation for your effort input after the successful transfer of this fund into your nominated account.  I believe that this transfer will be concluded within three days (3 working days) as soon as you contact the bank were the  money is deposited I assure you there is no risk involve your roll is to act as the beneficiary of the money and it will easy the transfer of the total money to your account.

Thanks and God bless you.

Water Dorman

Sounds like a great offer Water.  It seems such an easy way to make such a lot of money.  Readers, all might not be what it seems!

** Red Card **

Old Player turns G*y Shock!

I was in my local cafe/bistro/cum bar type pub the other day, quietly having 18 pints and a chip butty.  When who should I be stood next to but...All Time Trinity Legend none other than Joseph "Nails" Colluccio.  Known for his crunching tackling and his uncompromising manner, ex-trinity hard man, has unfortunately changed tact in his later life.  Having stood next to "Nails" for close to 10 minutes before realising that I
was in the presence of the man himself, he made himself known to me, which
caused me a great surprise.  After an amicable greeting of "a'right you greasey dago wop" etc....we were soon down swapping stories from many moons ago.. including the time when Joe cleared the ball and it went for a throw in to the other side. And this time when Joe cleared it with his head and it went out fro a throw in to the other side. And this time when the ball struck him on the thigh and it went out for a throw in to the other side...Ah we laughed!!

Being of a generous nature I immediately offered "Nails" a drink, with which the reply caused me great distress. Joseph as he is know known, asked for a "Latte"!!!!
I'm not that H*mophobic to be fair, I just hate b*mmers. But to be openly flouting the rules in public did not go unnoticed by the Young Barmaid, (who was chatting me up at the time) and was non too pleased to be serving the "a*se bandit" drink
Not only was "Nails" as his ex- friends call him, sat cavorting openly in the bar with a "male" friend, buying each other drinks and laughing at one another’s no doubt "h*mosexual" anecdotes, but was dressed in Italian designer clothes, which I took to be a the final nail in the coffin.  A sad day!

Eamonn Kissane, Leeds

Suggesting that someone bats for the opposition, so to speak, on the basis of their choice of beverage and clothing is well out of order.  Joe Collucio was a well-respected player for Trinity and he doesn't deserve these comments.  For your antiquated attitude you've been given the red card.  You’re off!

 ** E-MAIL OF THE WEEK **

You lot are moaners!

I play for Stan ing lee me, and even tho we ant got any computaz were we live, I saved up for a weak and got bus fair to go inta big city and yuse one. Cos me tiepin is sh*te and slow this as cost me £2 cos it were a £1 an our and I were in ther for 3. That copled wiv the bus fair to town means I can't pay me child suport this weak, so I'll probly end up back inside but I'm not bovered me cos I've bin inside before cos I'm hard not like you panzis. Anyway reasan I'm sendin thee this letter is cos I wanted to tel you lot that use are a reet set of moaning t*ssers. I've never heard anyone moan as much as use lot not even me thre Movver in Laws what I got afta getting marrid to Kelsey, Brittney and Shazza. They woz arranged marragiz so I could inhewrit there Dads sideburns and ruddy red cheeks. Youse lot moaned so much the Ref cudant hear me havin a go at him for me first tuch been sh*te. You woz even moaning when I played a one, erm and whateva comes afta one, wiv me mates face, it's not my falt I ran strate into one of your defendaz, I was p*ssed wan I, on home bru what are Daz had made in shed near our high rise. Yeh as I were sayeen, youse lot moaned so much, that I cudant wait for the end of the game so's as I cud hava go at youse, so I dint wait I had a goes at you durin it you tw*ts. You even moaned wen I blastid ball miles ova bar from 5 yards oot, THAT WER A F*CKING PASS THAT, YOU C*NTS. If thez one thing I hate in football it's moaners, me, I hate em I do me, alwayz go ing on and moaning. If I here some one moaning on a pitch I have a reet moan at em me, thats what I do me. I goes reet up to ther fases and they take a step bak cos of my sh*t breth, and then I says to em, "you f*cking moaning ar ya, yu betta not be cos I ate moaners me, and I havs a go at em me" Then our twelf man turns up and I get subed. Reet, it's neerlee harf three in t' afta noon so I's betta get off to get last bus back to Pudsay and I get a lift from ther on this blokes trackter back home. But I just wanted to have a reet go at youse lot for moaning cos thats what I do me. I ope you can reed me writin, cos I dunt wanna give you a nuther reson to moan, you moanin c*nts, but if you think me ritings sh*te it's cos I left skool at 4... and I'm not back in til 9 tomorow morning. See ya later yu b*stards. Big night out at Church hall toneet, tombola's cumming oot, so I dunt wan a miss that, it's role ova so pots upta £3.61, cos if I do miss it I'll hav a reet go at everywun me.

F*ck off

B.Umpkin. Stan in lee

The readers won't necessarily agree with your criticisms but at least you've tried to back them up with evidence.  For that and for the fact you've made the attempt to use a computer, even though it is plainly not your greatest skill, you've been awarded e-mail of the week!

Garry Doherty

Please may I enquire as to why the above player who was one of the first to don a Trinity shirt from St. Mick's, way back in 1987, who had a distinguished playing career with the club, over many, many years is not featured in player profiles?

Please amend your records accordingly!

N. Mates – Bristol

Admittedly the player profiles section does need some serious updating.  Various squad members have still to have their details published.  Regarding the above player if you can send all the necessary details (click on  Jim Mullowney to view a player profile of one of Trinity's popular players as an example) then we'll publish the profile, one day.

Big games!

Congratulations to the 1st team on reaching their second final this season, massive achievement is that. But I'm gonna talk about the game this coming weekend for the 2nds. Wortley are a good team who have been up at the top with us all season. I think we'll go out there on Saturday and prove that we are the best team in the division. we will be focused after all, this is what it's all about. We’ll miss Beattie at the back but we have good replacements. Deano is banging them in for fun, leading scorer from midfield, Hobbsy and Greg are very quick up front, Eamonn and Jamie at the back are no pushovers and everyone else as well, performed all season, and if fit or not, I'll be there no matter what to help win this league. WE DESERVE IT BOYS. COME ON YOU GREENS!

Fieldy

Thanks for the encouraging e-mail (which was sent before last week's big game.  Unfortunately the second team narrowly lost 1-0.  However there are still plenty of games to be played in Division Three so the race for the title isn't over yet!

Congratulations on making the final fellas and good luck for tomorrow night.   I shall be attending to cheer on the mighty Trinity. I reckon a victory for Trinity with Mullers bagging a brace and "QUATRO" scoring the 3rd and a clean sheet for Jimmy Yates.

David 'Killer' Kilsby

Thanks for your e-mail (which was sent the night before the Leeds & District Senior Cup final).  Leeds Met Carnegie proved just too good for Trinity on the night but that's football.  

Don’t know what is going on with these stats but I have 17 goals now this season, being the 2nd teams top scorer!

I would just like that fact emphasised on the website

I thank you!

Deano

As soon as the match reports are sent in the statistics are updated.  If the match reports take a while to be sent in the statistics updating process is slower.

MSN Hotmail is evolving. Windows Live Mail beta is an all-new Web mail, built from the ground up. Preview your e-mail without loading a new page each time (just like with Outlook®) drag and drop messages into folders, and generally power through your e-mail in a flash. Put simply, it’s fast and simple e-mail that makes it easy to read, send and organise your messages. It's currently in “beta” which means it’s a work in progress, so we need your input to make sure it’s built right. Click here to sign up for the Windows Live Mail beta program.

Hotmail Staff

It appears you're evolving just like the Trinity football club that is constantly evolving and moving forwards.  As they say if you're not moving forwards you're going backwards!

** Red Card **

Online Banking Account

I represent Whitkirk Wanderers, a team from the West Yorkshire League with a fence round our pitch.  We have a reputation for poaching players from other teams and getting fined by the West Riding County FA (as we have done earlier this season), as it's against FA regulations.  However we need to continually recruit players as so many of our players leave the club due to poor morale.  This is because we charge our players £5 each in subs every week so that we can pay our 2 best players £50 per week.  That causes resentment as you can probably imagine.  We're also a set of divvies.  Anyway our sales pitch to prospective players is to tell them we've got a nice fence and that there could be 'a bit of money in it for them'.  Some silly f*ckers fall for it!

Let's get down to business.  If any Trinity players would like to join us please contact me through this website.  I do hope the nice Trinity management don't report our club to the FA.

A representative from Whitkirk Wanderers

Too late.  The Trinity management have already reported you to the West Riding FA.  In addition you've also been given the red card.  You’re off!

 ** E-MAIL OF THE WEEK **

Please update your Bank account

We are unable to active your account because we have upgraded our online service, we are sorry for that but you have to reactive your Bank Of America online bank account to be able to send and receive money online.

Please be aware that until we can verify your identity no further access to your account will be allowed and we will have no other liability for your account or any transactions that may have occurred as a result of your failure to reactivate your account as instructed above. Thank you for your time and consideration in this matter.

Bank Of america® online bank

Unfortunately we don't actually have an account with your bank.  However as your e-mail was so courteous you've been awarded e-mail of the week.  

FootballMercato New Ads

Players proposed by agents:

Nicolas Bertin Nkada (Left offensive midfielder, 15 years, D3, Cameroon), Marlin Piana (Right forward, 23 years, Belgium)

Coaches seeking jobs:

Christopher Dowling (Manager, UEFA 'B', Ireland)

Tournaments proposed by clubs:

Coquitlam City Soccer Friendship Tournament (U8, 11/03/2006, Coquitlam - BC, Canada)

footballmercato.com

Nkada is a bit young for Trinity and they prefer players who do not offend others.  The friendship tournament appears to be for junior sides and both Trinity sides have a game this weekend so there is nobody available to travel.  However Christopher Dowling might have a chance of being manager if Trinity can't get out of the Senior A relegation zone soon.

Leeds Met Scouting mission

I play for Leeds Met Carnegie, Trinity’s opponents in the Leeds & District  Senior Cup final.  While taking time out from doing my dissertation I went to watch Trinity the other day.  My assessment is they’ve got some good players on the ball but are a bit old and slow.  They look a bit soft so we should be able to play our brand of football.  Also they have a few headless chickens, shall we say for want of a better phrase, who run around and do what they like.  This lack of positional discipline will ultimately cost them in the final.

A Student, Leeds Met Carnegie

Interesting observations.  Let's see what happens in the final.  Good luck!

It’s all-new Web mail, built from the ground up. Preview your e-mail without loading a new page each time (just like in Outlook®), drag and drop messages into folders, and generally power through your e-mail in a flash.
What it gives you:

• Previews of your messages you can read without leaving your inbox

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• One-click control over junk and scam e-mails

• Right-click power - reply, delete, and forward

• 2 GB of storage (2 GB = 2,000,000,000 bytes)

Put simply, it’s fast and simple e-mail that makes it easy to read, send and organise your messages. The “beta” part means it’s a work in progress, so we need your input to make sure it’s built right. If you're interested in trialling the best version of the new Windows Live™ Mail sign up below and once you start using it we'd love to hear what you think!

Hotmail Member Services

It sounds great.  We'll definitely give it a try, when we've got a lot of time to spare.

** Red Card **

Online Banking Account

Please note that your Barclays Online Account is about to expire. In order for it to remain active and avoid a temporal hold on your funds, we need you to update your personal information, this is also a new security statement to give our customers a better, fast and secure online banking service.

Barclays Bank PLC

If you looked at your files you would see quite clearly that we have never actually had an account with you.  For failing to check your records carefully before issuing e-mails to 'account holders' you’ve been given the red card.  You’re off!

 ** E-MAIL OF THE WEEK **

DISGUSTED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

My name's Deirdre and I'm a big fan of Trinity, especially the green ones. Until last Saturday that is. I was such a big fan I bought a house next to your home pitch on St. Theresa's. so last Saturday me and Donald were sat on the settee watching ready steady cook (our favourite) and I heard some shouting and then I got all excited (nearing cl*max), so I went out to see which trinity team was on, and it was my beloved green army.  I was disappointed to see my favourite player still on the side line with an injured leg and my Donald's favourite player had a hair cut so he doesn't look like Shaun Derry anymore, which Donald was very upset about because that is Donald's favourite Leeds player. But to my disgust, I saw one of the boys on the sideline urinating, I think it was number 8 so I shouted to you all. Thinking you would be all disgusted, but all I got was abuse, someone even told me to put the kettle on, even my favourite player decided to hurl some abuse towards me.  I went back in and I tell you what, I told my Donald and if he would ever wake up he would have had you all.

Deirdre Simpson

As you rightly say Deirdre, players urinating pitch side is disgusting.  It can only be assumed there was a problem with the toilet facilities as Trinity players don't usually behave in such an uncivilised manner.  For pointing this out you've been awarded e-mail of the week.  Let's hope this unsavoury incident doesn't put you off Trinity for too long. 

Poor service!

What the bloody hell is going on with the 2nd team match reports? As an avid fan I find it most frustrating having to wait all week to read about the ar*e whipping that had inevitably been handed out by the boys in green. And if that isn't long enough to wait, last week there was no match report at all!!!!!

Every week the 1st team publish (very promptly) a detailed report outlining that weekend’s adventures. Why can't the 2nd team?

Could you imagine Sky Sports news or the Yorkshire Evening Post deciding that they couldn't be ars*d writing a report on a premiership game?

Are Trinity any less important?

Not in my eyes!

Sort it fellas...............

Paul Jones

Apologies for the service not being up to the usual standards Paul.  The missing match reports will be published as soon as they are sent to the Trinity FC Online offices.

Dear Friend

I am Al-Zarqawi Yusuf, A merchant in Dubai, United Arab Emirate ( UAE).   I have been diagnosed with Cancer, which was discovered very late, due to my laxity in caring for my health. It has defiled all forms of medicine; Right now I have only about a few months to live, according to my Medical Doctor. I have not particularly lived my life so well, as I never really cared for myself but the Oil business.  Though I am very rich, I was never generous, I only focused on my business as that was the only thing I cared for. But now I regret all this as I now know that there is more to life than just wanting to have or make all the money in the world.  I believe when Allah gives me a second chance and heal me I would live my life a different way from how I have lived it.  I have sowed a seed for my healing I have willed and given most of my properties and assets to my immediate and extended family members and as well as a few close friends.

I want Allah to be merciful to me and accept my soul and so, I have decided to give arms to charity organizations and give comfort to the less privileged of the Tsunami and Hurricane Katrina Victims, as I want this to be one of the last good deeds I  do on earth so far, by distributed some of this money to some charity organizations in India.

Now that my health has deteriorated so badly, I cannot do this my self anymore.  I once asked members of my family to close one of my accounts in Saudi Bank and distribute the money which I have there to charity organization and to the less privileged in Bulgaria and Sudan. They cashed the money but kept it only to themselves.  Hence I do not trust them anymore, as they seem not to be contended with what I have left for them already.  The last of my money, which no one knows of, is the huge cash deposit of Twenty Two Million United States Dollars ($ 22,000,000) that I have in the Vault of The Security Company in Europe as family valuable since the year 2003 for safekeeping.  I want you to collect this deposit on my behalf and disburse it to the Tsunami Earthquake victims in Asia for the less privileged. Please send me a mail to indicate your wiliness to assist in this disbursement.  I will set aside 10% for you for your time and efforts. I need your urgent reply with your full name and address, your Phone and Fax numbers and your Occupation so that I will not have to go on sourcing for a credible person to handle this project for himself and the rest of the less privileged.  So be free to send the below information to enable me submit it to the company as the sole beneficiary.
FULL NAMES
CONTACT ADDRESS
PHONE NUMBER
AGE
OCCUPATION
YOUR MARITAL STATUS

I will also plead to you to send your information to my e-mail: (yusuf_zargawi@yahoo.de)

I will also plead to you to always pray for me because only Allah heals.

Al-Zarqawi Yusuf.

Readers if you wish to get 10% of a lot of money send the required details off before someone does it before you.

I base my fitness regime on the advice given in the Football Fitness column on the home page of your website.  However as it hasn’t been updated for ages I’ve turned into a bit of a fat f*cker.   Come on Trinity FC Online update this column for the health and fitness of your readers!

Steve Beeney, Bramhope

You are quite right Steve.  The Football Fitness column does need to be updated, otherwise it could be a case of football 'fatness' for readers like yourself.

With Windows Live TM Contacts from MSN Spaces , you can make your contact information available to the public, to your MSN Messenger Contact List, or to people you hand select. Then, if your info changes, your friends and family will know right where to find you. You can also set up separate business and personal information and control who has permission to each. Contacts is coming soon on the MSN Spaces profile page under contact info.

Hotmail Staff

Thanks for yet another useful tip.

** Red Card **

Dear Friend (urgent)

I know this email will come to you in an odd manner as you have not received any prior communication from me before now.  But be that as it may, my name is Mr. Donald Peters and I was privileged to be the account officer of my deceased client who lost his life sometime ago. In the process of review of the financial report by my bank I discovered that both of you have a similar last name, hence I contacted you so that I can give you further briefing on my intention and how to disburse the estate he left behind.

I will most acknowledge your prompt response, as that would enable us to start something immediately.

Donald Peters

We are Trinity FC Online not Trinity FC 'Peters'.  As a result our last name, as you put it, is nothing at all like your last name.  For your lack of ability to recognise similarities, and note glaring differences, you’ve been given the red card.  You’re off!

 ** E-MAIL OF THE WEEK **

Do you think publishers would be interested?

Hi Trinity fans, I thought I'd run this idea by you guys first to see what you think and I hope some of you literary genius like Lee don't nick my idea. Basically despite REALLY enjoying your website and the several hilarious e-mails you get sent in, particularly from those funny Africans wanting you to deposit cash in their bank account, they're hilarious. However your e-mails are quite individual and don't follow a thread, or engage in a to and fro banter, chatroom style if you like. So I tuned into the equally entertaining YOBL website and I thought instantly "YESSSS I've found my spiritual home". It's hilarious, full of witty intelligent banter that goes back and forth and such a mind blowing speed, I'm tempted to give up my job, as Car Cleaner at that illegal immigrant place near Geldard Road, so I could keep up. Some of the gags are so subtle as you almost don't notice they are gags, or how you say here, light hearted digs and it is only much later, when I've had time to think about them that I laugh out loud with delight, my wives think I am crazy I think. I have many favourites on this site, but I am particularly drawn to the witty repartee that takes place between such characters as Cloughy, Boy Becks, Unbreakable, the Peck, Bill and my most favourite Killer. The quick fire wit between these guys is so incredible I am starting to think they are all bl**dy genius, yes? They are like Cannon and Ball times 2 plus Derek Griffiths. I particularly like 2 things, apart from the gift of laughter which they give:

1. They way they write HA Ha, when they have made a fun, or received a fun just to let the readers who are not as fast with the wit as them, that "yes it is OK to laugh, this is a joke", BRILLIANT. I always await their to and froing most eagerly and I am very thankful for the Dole offices for providing the free use of internet for these guys to wile away their days entertaining us all

2. They don't go for cheap laughs by using swear words such as c*nt, B*stard, Muthaf*cker, B*stard Son of A B*tch and Sh*thole, which means I can share this good clean fun with my son, who is to young at 15 to get the sophisticated humour as he sits there looking really, really bored, he will learn.

Back to my idea then. I think the comedy displayed on this site, especially by the 5 guys I mentioned earlier, is so good and of such high quality that I would like to bring it to a wider audience, YES my friends I would like to a compile the best of their rat-a-tat-tat exchanges in a book. Here are one of my favourite examples, please your comments would mean a very great deal to me:

Killer: Oh I see you won at the weekend, I didn't realise the blind school had a team, ha ha ha

Unbreakable: No it's your boyfriend who is blind, remember

Killer: Ha Ha, I think you mean Becks's boyfriend don't you?

Becks: Ha Ho Ho, thats is below the belt. Hey I bet you wouldn't even get a game for the blind school, ha ha

Bill: Ha ha nice one Becks, thanks for brightening up my Monday at job club 

Killer: Get lost becks, ha ha, I kept you out of the Blind team don't you remember

Becks: I don't remember seeing you there ha ha.

Unbreakable: blind drunk team knowing you Killer, ha ha, only joking mate

Killer: Nice one Bill. Seriously though Becks it's a shame I never got to play with you

Becks: Cheers mate, likewise you were always a tough opponent

Bill: Get a room you two!

Killer: Ha Ha

Becks: ha ha

Bill: No seriously I'll pay if I can watch

This one suddenly ended there, but you see now why I enjoy it so very very much, it is non-stop fun yes? It took me so very long to re-write this as I was laughing so much tears were appearing on my Uncles keyboard. There are many more exchanges each one funnier than the former ones where all the main 5 characters talk of sleeping with each others girlfriends before revealing that they are just joking each other and they are friends, o ho ho ho, as they might say, so clever, but accessible humour. Therefore my Trinity friends, I ask you is this the sort of book you would purchase, I know it would appeal to many of you humours. Good look for the rest of the season, and if you lose a game and feel down, check out the Funny Five and your frown will be upside down most speedily. May Allah be with you and don't get on flight 174359 from Leeds and Bradford to New York on the 3rd of March.

C. Gardallah

The YOBL site is an excellent website.  As well as humorous exchanges, such as the one above, there is also lots of up-to-date information on the YOBL league.  For highlighting such a amusing exchange you’ve been awarded e-mail of the week.  Good luck with your book.  Readers if you’d like to enter the YOBL website click here

Watch out for this scam!

I am writing to warn you of something that happened to me, as I am the victim of the latest scam at Tesco while shopping.  This happened at Tesco, and it could happen to you. Here's how the scam works. Two good looking women come to your car as you are placing your shopping in your car. One starts by wiping your windscreen while the other comes round to you saying "Hi", while bending over with her breasts almost coming out of her blouse. It will be impossible not to look. Then they beg you for a ride to McDonalds. You agree and ask them to sit in the back seat. On the way, they start having s*x with each other in the back seat. Then one of them climbs over into the front seat and performs oral s*x on you, while the other one steals your wallet.

I was assaulted last Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday and Friday, but I couldn't find them Saturday or Sunday.  Be careful out there!

Gym Maloney, Kirkstall

There are a lot of untrustworthy people out there readers.  Be on your guard at all times!

The inexperience of Adam Beattie!

Hi boys, my name's Steph, and I was talking to a lad in a nightclub on Saturday night, and he mentioned he plays football for Trinity. I thought that football team reminds me of a lad I tooled at Christmas.  After a while we realised we both new Adam Beattie. What a small piece, I mean world eh?  Anyway, this lad said that was Beattie's first h*le in like two years, as his Geordie accent tends to put the women off. Well I disagree, his accent did it for me, oh I'm going all wet just thinking about him now. I couldn't believe it was 2 year since his last h*le. I can sort of understand now why it was a quick p*mp and squ*rt but his athleticism was beyond belief.  Adam dear, don't listen to them Lancashire ar*eholes, you ding dang do for me. I couldn't have asked for a better Christmas present.

Steph xxx

PS it's not the size that matters, it's how you use it, trust me Adam knows how to use it!

We’re glad you enjoyed your experience with Adam.  Like all Trinity players he always likes to please his fans.

It is just before Scotland v England in the World Cup Group game. [I KNOW THAT SCOTLAND IN THE WORLD CUP IS STRETCHING IT A BIT BUT STAY WITH IT]
Rooney goes into the English changing room to find all his team mates looking a bit glum.

"What's up?" he asks.

"Well, we're having trouble getting motivated for this game. We know it's important but it's only Scotland.  They're rubbish and we can't be bothered".

Rooney looks at them and says "Well, I reckon I can beat these by myself, you lads go down the pub."

So Rooney goes out to play Scotland by himself and the rest of the English team go off for a few pints. After a few jars they wonder how the game is going, so they get the landlord to put the teletext on. A big cheer goes up as the screen reads 'England 1 - Scotland 0 (Rooney 10minutes)'. He is beating Scotland all by himself!  Anyway, a few more pints later and the game is forgotten until someone remembers that it's full time so they decide to check what the score is. They put the teletext on.

"Result from the Stadium "England 1 (Rooney 10 minutes) - Scotland 1"(Angus McAngus 89 minutes)".

They can't believe it, he has single handedly got a draw against Scotland!!  They rush back to the Stadium to congratulate him. They find him in the dressing room, still in his gear, sat with his head in his hands. He refuses to look at them.

"I've let you down, I've let you down."

"Don't be daft, you got a draw against Scotland, all by yourself. And they only scored at the very very end"

"No, No, I have, I've let you down..........I got sent off after 12 minutes''

Paul Jones

Thanks for that Paul.  You’ve really sheered up the Trinity FC Online team with that one.  Readers if you have an amusing football related joke, e-mail it to Trinity FC Online now!

Just an observation regarding Trinity’s social secretary Gareth Curran’s suggestions for Trinity socials.  You know a night at the Greyhounds and a couples night which means bring wives and girlfriends out.  One is a night at the dogs.  And having seen a few of the Trinity wives and girlfriend, the other one is a case of a night WITH the dogs!  Only kidding.  Seriously I hope everyone has a good time on both nights.

Billy McGoo, Bramley

Both nights promise to be fantastic occasions, as Trinity social events often are.

Hello my friends I was hoping very much that you can find it in your hearts to be of help with me. First of all let me be telling to you of my person. My name is Osalliah Medeke and I am from a most historic country in Africa name of which is Eritrea. Even though my country is poor and most terribly troubled, we are busy with making war right now, I am however not one of the unlucky ones who wallows with the poverty of which I speak. Thank you to my farther for discovering the copper in my country I have been able to make a considerable rich for myself. What, my friends, you are wonderment is Osalliah telling us these things for, we are just ordinary Leeds people? Osalliah is telling you these informations because he needs your most generous help. The war that is breaking my country into several pieces of 2 is forcing many of us to take exit. Problems are here though for the transfer of monies out of our great country, but for Osalliah there is a more urgent problem and this is why I am making a reach out of my arm to you for help. I am in possession of a very dark secret that could be the ending of my life if it was to be a revelation to my people, I am a great big p*ff and b*mming is disallowed in my country where it carries firing squad death with it, so I, Osalliah was hoping very much that I could use my 'Rifle' and your a*se could be my target.  I believe you are blessed with many g*ys in your ranks, ones such as Neil, Angoos, Greg Turner and possibly I think the guy with the big arms Joey or something.  So once again my most humble beggings to you please please please let me give a most honourable b*mming to one of these Lords of the g*y, a 1000 thank yous!

O. Mekede, Eritrea

The situation in your country sounds very unfortunate.  However it’s extremely doubtful any of the Trinity players can comfort you in the manner you’re suggesting.

What the bl**dy hell is Curran’s couples night idea all about.  When I go out on a Trinity night out it’s an excuse to get away from the wife, not to f*cking bring her out.  Besides which how can I kick off against some soft looking students with my wife beside me?

Matty J, Alwoodley

Some players are happier when they bring their wives/girlfriends out to social occasions.  Others prefer to spend time 'with the lads' as they say, leaving their loved ones at home.  Trinity nights out cater for all these players.

Just remember we are Trinity!

Who does Gareth Curran think he is, suggesting a p*ssing couples night.  This is Trinity not f*cking Hugh O’Neills!  Next he’ll be suggesting an annual f*cking dinner dance at the Irish Centre!

A Trinity centre-half, Chapel Allerton

An annual dinner dance; now that sounds like an excellent idea!

Page links

I notice you have removed the page link for Gardiner's World from the top of the Home Page and I applaud you for it. However, you seem to have inadvertently removed all the others as well.   Just thought I'd point it out.

T. Cake, Eccles

Thanks for your e-mail.  The Trinity FC Online technical staff have resolved that problem.

** Red Card **

Win Bonus!

Could you tell me if there will be a win bonus, for those of us who get paid, if we beat Beeston SA in the District Cup semi-final? I know we don't normally get win bonuses as a rule, but seeing that these are 'un-chartered waters' that we are approaching I thought I'd enquire. Perhaps the club may consider this (if it hasn't already), given the exceptional circumstances, as an extra incentive. 

I know I shouldn't really be discussing this topic through the website, but I'm not keen to "stick my head above the parapet" so-to-speak at training.  In any case, mostly all of the first team get something these days. There was only really 'Killer' Kilsby that didn't and he's gone anyway, and the reserves hardly expect to get anything, do they?

Senior Player, First Team

Playing for the great Trinity club in one of the biggest games in their history should be regarding as an enormous privilege, not as an opportunity to make a few extra quid!  For your greed you’ve been given the red card.  You’re off!

 ** E-MAIL OF THE WEEK **

Marathon Sponsorship!

Dear team mates and supporters, sorry to pester people for sponsorship but I am doing the London Marathon in April and I am hoping to raise £2,000 for the Orchid Cancer Appeal.

http://www.orchid-cancer.org.uk/

Orchid is a relatively small charity which is dedicated to funding research into diagnosis, prevention and treatment of prostate and testicular cancer as well as promoting awareness of these previously neglected diseases.

I am not going to lay any guilt trip down for those who don't wish to donate but I am sure we all know someone, be it friend or relative, who has experience of these specific diseases and, due to improved screening and diagnosis techniques, you are only going to hear more and more.

I am asking for a tenner from 200 people to hit the target, the easiest and most secure way is to log on to my charity website which is:

https://www.bmycharity.com/richardlambert

If £10 is too much then any donation is welcome.

If the extremely good cause this money will go to does not encourage you to give then just think of the pain I will go through to be able to run 26.2 miles on the 23rd April.

Prostate Cancer affects 1 man in 12 with 10,000 deaths per year.  Testicular Cancer is the most common cancer in young men.

Rich Lambert

Come on readers let’s help Trinity midfielder Rich Lambert in his bid to raise £2,000.  Get clicking on his website link now!  Rich, for your contribution to such a good cause you’ve been awarded e-mail of the week!

Lee Field

Hi boys, my name is Shazza and I'm Lee Field's bird. Well his ex bird actually. I bet you have all noticed how my darling Fieldy has lost weight.  Said he was ill did he? Well that's Bo****ks. Fieldy has been getting fit all over Christmas, not by making sweet love to me but by running and stuff like that. And would you believe that he has DUMPED ME! Before he joined this Trinity club, he treated me right proper, said he’d look after me and have ten kids together. Now he only loves Trinity. He used to come round to mine on a Wednesday, he would be p*ssed and it would never last long but he always let me share his fags. Now he's dumped me cos he said "I luv u Shaz but I can't do this no more love, I'm off training with Trinity on a Wednesday, cos I love them now!" Has he turned into a p**f? Well thanks Trinity, cos now my Fieldy has gone forever!!!!

Shazza, Leeds and Lee till I die!

P.S. - I was watching ur game at the weekend. Plenty of chunky lads I noticed. Anyone fancy a bit of Lee's cast-off?

When a relationship ends there’s always a degree of pain.  However your loss has been Trinity’s gain, as Lee has put in some fantastic performances for Trinity this season.  You’re sure to meet someone new as you sound like a lovely woman Shazza. 

Is Prague a g*y haven?

I am a Trinity player who would like to raise a point regarding some of the recent emails that have been posted on the website. As what I am about to say may seem controversial I would for now prefer to remain anonymous.

I very much enjoy playing for Trinity and would recommend the club to anybody thinking of joining but I am finding it increasingly difficult to look my team mates in the eye. Every week I read about the exploits of the numerous h*mosexual members of the team and I can't help but think that we are rapidly approaching the line that should not be crossed! Think about it, are we going to enter the Yorkshire g*y league soon? I have nothing against f*iry boys and so long as I don't have to watch their nocturnal sh*nanigans I am happy to live and let live......But come on lads, how many qu**rs do we let into our club before we become a laughing stock????

I have already paid my flight money for Prague but I am lying awake at night worrying about the rooming arrangements. What if one of the numerous f*gs on the team such as, Higgo, Gus, Ryan, Beattie, Turner, Gardiner or Pearson (to name just a few) were to be placed in a room with me or another very heterosexual member of the team! After a few beers they might get frisky and think all's fair game when on tour!!!!!!!!! 

I don't wish to cause any offence or start internal bickering but I believe that I am not alone in my ever increasing worries about the future direction of our club............

Keep it real!

A concerned man

There’s no reason to be concerned.  Though some of the Trinity players are in touch with their feminine side there is no evidence to suggest they bat for the opposition, so to speak.  Not that there’s anything wrong with that sort of thing in today’s modern world. 

I've just read the latest Gardiner's World column.  What a load of b*llocks it is.  Never mind Gardiner being on this world.  It strikes me the big headed tw*t isn't even on this planet!

Terry Bradcase, Leeds

Thanks for your e-mail Terry but possibly it would be better if you gave some constructive criticism, if you want to see some kind of improvement in the column.

I hear Trinity have just signed some big Australian.  That's quite ironic as their league campaign looks like it's going down under! (meaning they're not doing very well)

Patricia McGee, Rotherham

Very witty Patricia.  Let's hope Mark Scarsella, Trinity's new Australian signing, enjoys his time at Trinity.

Hi, I’m interested in data on a player mentioned on your page: Mark Fella - remember him being on the bench for Leeds United. Could you help me with data on him, d.o.b., career etc.

Richard Weise

Readers if you’ve got data on ex-Trinity forward Mark Fella e-mail Trinity FC Online now so we can help Richard.

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Hotmail Staff

Thanks for the information Hotmail Staff.  Readers, if you want people to know your every move sign up for a blog!

** Red Card **

Mark, missing you!

Hi readers, it's Mark!

Just to let you know that I'm still around, and will be back shortly after a disgraceful suspension. Glad to see you've won the cup, and I hope that you're all missing me.

Mark Ryan, Trinity midfielder

P.S. Isn't technology amazing, this didn't even cost me anything, how good is that!

It’ll be good to see you back on the pitch for Trinity, where your presence is always appreciated.  However for ridiculously thinking Trinity have won a cup in your short three match absence, even though it’s January and no cups are ever won at this time of year, and for the general self-indulgent tone of your e-mail you’ve been given the red card.  You’re off!  

 ** E-MAIL OF THE WEEK **

Hello from Russia!

Hello have a good day, I am not sure where to begin, it is first time I try to use internet to meet the man but the thing is, that I will work abroad I can choice USA, Canada or Europe and I would like to meet the man to share free evenings and be my guide. My friends helped me to send a few letters to different address and I do hope that I am lucky to meet good and kind man.  You should know that now I live in Russia and my goal is to leave this country because it is impossible to live here for young pretty woman. they tell I look well  enough, I am blonde with blue eyes, I am natural blonde.  I will send a few photos if you reply.  If you don't have wife nor girlfriend, maybe we could try to meet?  I am free I have not children and I have not boyfriend here.  I am 25 years old, please write to me directly to my mail - fruy1@pochta.ru

See you soon, with great hope.

Svetlana Tabor

Male readers what are you waiting for? Svetlana sounds gorgeous.  For your lovely e-mail (which probably matches your looks and personality) you've been awarded e-mail of the week.  

My personal view!

I was very interested observer of your gutless performance on Saturday, as my team, who do not bottle it, have got a good chance of meeting you in the semis of the Leeds and District cup. First off I'd like to offer my astounded congratulations to you on getting that far, secondly I'd like to say that I will be telling my management that I hope to f*ck we get drawn against you in the semis. Yes you played well, you passed the ball around nicely and could have killed the game off early doors, but without giving too much away, you've got no killer instinct in front of goal, and you won't get that many chances against us I can tell you and you defend like as individuals and our forwards, who are big strong and fast, will rip you apart, plus anything on target is going in. Here’s hoping we see you in the semis lads.

N Carr, Beeston

You haven't mentioned which team you're from Mr Carr.  Maybe the Trinity players might fancy playing your team!  However based on the performance against Leeds University you may have a point.  If you don't put away your chances you won't win games, as they say. 

Happy New Year!

I'd just like to take the opportunity to wish all the Trinity players and fans a Happy New Year.  Hopefully you've had an enjoyable, yet at the same time spiritual Christmas with your family and loved ones.  However a new year brings some tough challenges ahead for both Trinity teams.  Are the players ready to face these challenges?  Are you prepared to sacrifice yourself for the good of the club? Are you strong enough mentally and physically to succeed?  Only time will tell.  Oh and by the way don't forget to turn up to training, every Wednesday, & pm, Notre Dame.

Jim 'Mullers' Mullowney, Trinity coach

Inspired words Jim.  And a Happy New Year to you from the Trinity FC Online team.

There's been loads of blame dished out recently regarding Trinity's poor form in Senior A.  A lot of players are blaming the defence who are leaking goals left, right and f*cking centre.  They haven't kept a clean sheet all season.  Another view is the forwards are shot shy wasting the midfield's good work by not having a pop at goal.  When they finally decide to have a go it's usually well off target or p*ss weak effort which the goalkeeper picks up with ease.  My view is the management have lost it.  They haven't got a clue and their team talks more me stupid.  I reckon the reason we are losing is because Mullowney and Jordan practically put us to sleep before a game.  In fact they should be renamed DULLowney and BOREdan!

A Trinity defender

Maybe you should mention your concerns to the management.

** Red Card **

Football for sale!

Just wondered in any of you kn*b heads wanted to buy a football? Me and my mates were chillin out in Heckmondwike on Saturday. When your team kicked off I sneaked up behind your two subs and nicked one of your balls! The one running the line with the big nose was particularly dopey, he didn't even notice me taking a nice long, satisfying p*ss all over your valuable's bag!                

Kiss my a*se!

Dazza

Taking things that don't belong to you without permission is stealing and that is against the law, as well as being right out of order.  And relieving yourself over belongings that don't belong to you is disgusting.  For your despicable behaviour you've been given the red card.  You’re off!  

 ** E-MAIL OF THE WEEK **

In Defence!!

Last week I read a rather disturbing email on your website that tried to cleverly twist words whilst slandering the reputations of many of the players in your second team. Though it is possible that some members of the squad are playing for the carnival team it is without question incorrect to suggest that the majority are in fact Will Young fans!!

Now you might be thinking that I am a fan who would walk through fire in defence of the team I hold closer to my heart than a new born child. Well yes, that may be true and I have braved arctic conditions in the past to turn up on a Saturday afternoon to cheer on the Trinity Tigers. But it is with undeniable facts that I have chosen to write in this week in defence of my heroes in green.

Firstly, how the hell could Lee 'The cat' Field be b*nt? My experience of f*iry boys is extensive and I have always found them to be well groomed (even if sometimes a little c*mp in style). Could Lee be accused of this?......... Connolly’s haircut? Enough said there I think!...... Captain marvel a f*g? I think not! Lambert is from farming stock. How many tractor boy wendies have you heard of? Just think of the smell, no chance............ Hobbsy, he dresses more like Snoop Dog than George Michael, would any self respecting qu**n be seen in such attire!...... Jonesy? Maybe he does spend too much time in the gym but I’m sure that is for the benefit of the young ladies he encounters.........Do I need to go on? 

To present a balanced argument it is only fair to look at both sides of the debate. Now Beattie’s Navy background does cast a shadow of suspicion so we'll leave that be.......Boss man Higgo, well yes, I thought long and hard and did struggle to come up with any sort of plausible defence......Gus has in fact been a long time target of the expose hunting tabloid press, fuelled by the fact he spends 90% of his life with young boys. But this is the minority!!!

I could go on and for example mention how other members of the team live normal, heterosexual lives like the rest you. But I won't. In future I would appreciate it if such ill advised and inaccurate comments could find no haven on the Trinity FC Online forum.

Merry Christmas to all the red blooded boys at Trinity.

See you all in MOOK very soon!

Elton.......................

For such a spirited defence of the Trinity players you've been awarded e-mail of the week.  

Water Sports!

I'm D.LaRue"s mate from Rydale, Ann.  She wrote to you a couple of weeks ago to thank the Trinity lads for a top night out.  I'd just like to join in and say that I also had a top night out.  The other girls in Rydale think I'm a right sl*g, which to be fair I am and I love it up me.

So when I had the opportunity to get one-to-one with one of your "larger headed" team mates, well I jumped (no pun intended) at the chance.  I enjoyed his witty, intelligent, engaging, company for a couple of minutes.   Later on as the conversation evolved he explained what he would like to do to me later.  I was getting well horny, until he said he wanted to do me up the a*se, which I thought was fair enough.  I used to let my ex-Husband do that to me but he later came out of the closet as being g*y, so I was surprised this "large headed" young fellow had requested the pleasure.

Anyway as we were getting down to it, he explained that after all that he wanted me to p*ss all over him from above, which I thought was well out of order, as I don’t go in for all that water sport activity, me being a sweet country girl. So I just pretended to go to sleep before it all got out of hand.

D.LaRue keeps saying what a nice man the other guy was, in fact she doesn’t shut about him

A Bike (Rydale)

Sounds like you enjoyed your evening.  As ever the Trinity players leave their fans satisfied. 

Outrage!

Will any action be taken as a result of the sickening way in which the proud Worthington Cup drinking competition was brought into disrepute on Saturday night?

I have never witnessed such desecration of an institution in my life, in the form of:

• Mass brawls, involving literally several people.

• Irish dancing in the background (what the f*ck was that all about?)

• Interference from said dancers during matches.

• A contestant drinking two half pints. HALF PINTS!

• A contestant getting to the final, sticking two fingers up at the competition and f*cking off home.

• A contestant wearing a pink T-Shirt (again).

• Unfathomable refereeing decisions from the adjudicators.

• A defeated first rounder competing in the final.

If charges are not brought before the people involved (you know who they are) then I propose this competition be retired with dignity. A dignity it could never have if these scenes are ever allowed to be repeated.

Angry Worthington Cup fan, Worthington

We're surprised with your views as reports suggest it was the best ever Worthington Cup.  However I'm sure the organisers have logged your complaints and will aim to eradicate the problems in future.

Merry Christmas!

I'd just like to take the opportunity to wish all the Trinity players and fans a Merry Christmas.  Enjoy yourselves while at the same time being considerate to your neighbour, as is the spirit of Christmas. Players, try not to over indulge with food and drink as there are some tough games to be played in January.  Do everything in moderation!

Jim 'Mullers' Mullowney, Trinity coach

It's always good to receive an e-mail from you Jim.  A Merry Christmas to you from the Trinity FC Online team.

The recent Worthington Cup, Trinity's annual drinking competition, was without doubt the best I've ever witnessed.  The competition was fierce, with all participants competing in the right spirit of respect for each other.  Gareth Curran's performance as host of the event was brilliant.  Yet the undoubted star performance was Jim 'Mullers' Mullowney.  As administrator of the competition he had to ensure the event ran smoothly with minimum complication, whilst remaining in the background.  This I feel he did successfully.

A regular Worthington Cup supporter, Leeds

We're pleased you enjoyed the competition.  It seems to get better and better every year.

I’d just like to say Happy Christmas to the lad I thumped outside Oporto on Saturday night even though it was his mate I had fallen out with and he was only trying to mediate.

Happy Christmas, sir! Hope the cut heals in time for dinner at your Mum’s.

Gareth

Thanks for the e-mail Gareth. Let's hope the recipient of your thump also appreciates your Christmas greetings..

RE: Outrage!

Oh and I didn’t even mention the h*mo-er*tic soft p*rn display that was one senior player’s participation.

SHAME! SHAME! SHAME!

Angry Worthington Cup fan, Worthington

As stated before the Worthington Cup organisers are sure to be reviewing the tournament in order to improve it even more for next year.

** Red Card **

Christmas Cards

What a nice touch it was from Chris Gardiner to hand out Christmas cards to Jordan, Macca and Priestley on Saturday night in the Pack Horse.

Of course we’re not at all bothered we didn’t get one from the large headed f*cker!

The Two Adams (Beattie & Williams Ltd)

Gardiner is entitled to give Christmas cards to whoever he likes.  For your sarcastic complaints you've been given a card.  However it's the red card as opposed to a Christmas card.  You’re off!  

 ** E-MAIL OF THE WEEK **

Last Saturday Night!

Well I was a debutant on a Trinity night on the lash, and I must admit, until they wouldn't let me in that bar near quid pro quo (or whatever it's called) I was having a top night.  At first I thought we were never gonna leave the packhorse, then we went to the Mook bar, which to my surprise, wasn't full of w*lly w*fters. In fact, it was pretty good in there, and when I saw that they do pints of Stan Michael, I was in me element.

Top night lads, can't wait for the next one.

Fieldy

P.S       Can't believe how many Man U fans are in our team. Not good.

It was indeed a smashing night emphasising the excellent team spirit within the club which has been enhanced this season by new players such as yourself.  For your comments you've been awarded e-mail of the week.  

What a bunch of queens!

Now I'd like to point out that I am one of Trinity's biggest loyalist fans, and I have followed them through thick and thin. I've been there when Robbie Pearson made a complete c*nt out of himself and pulled his hamstring trying a sh*t backheeler; I've been there when Martin O'Keefe made a complete c*nt out of himself by putting a kit on; I've been there to watch (Martin) Laurel and (Paul) Hardy stand ten yards behind a striker with their arm raised calling for help, a way out and most ridiculously of all, offside; I've been there through O'Keefe's team talks and Jordan's high pitch squeals; I've seen Travers turn up having clearly got out of Michael J Fox's Delorian and been transported from the 1980's; I've witnessed relegation, heavy defeats, games where we didn't have enough players and Paul McIntyre standing in goals with a pair of brown fleeced leather gloves on letting everything slip through them. Through all this I never turned my back on the team I love, and I won't do it now, but not for the same reasons that I haven't in the past. Now I won't turn my back on them 'cos with the amount of b*nders you've got playing for you now, my sphincter would be under serious threat.

I, as your greatest fan, was hugely in favour of you setting up a second team and if I wasn't to busy sh*gging loads of fit birds I would probably have turned out for you, but it turns out the 2nds are even g*yer than the firsts. The alarm bells started ringing when I heard that eyebrow plucking, sunbedding b*m bandit Higgo (higgo with boys more like) was running the team, but I thought even he won't know 13+  p*ffters, how wrong I was. First up he gets in a couple of ex-Navy boys, wing man WING MAN, Brown wings man more like. Then in comes his big a*sed g*y mate, Lambers, played up the pyramids has he, takes it up the pyramid more like, YEAH? Then finally along comes the daddy of G-Wing jamie Connolly and I think yes, it may be blatantly obvious that he has finally finished off that snickers, and it was definitely a SUPERSIZED one, but at least he's a solid class A bloke. Sorted I thought, he's not interested in blokes a*ses, cos we all know b*nders like to work out and look good, and he looks like a big Bulgarian farmer. BUT F*CK ME (and he probably would) if he hasn't gone and got himself a mate who's a f*cking dancer. He'll be putting that fake tan on his big gormless face again soon, what a let down. Then who else joins the frame, Jonesy. I've always admired Jonsey for turning up when he didn't play for you lot and freely talking sh*te to anyone who wouldn't listen. I also admired the fact that he just concentrated his work out at the gym on his big f*cking arms. But now I think that’s so he has more stamina for w*nking his boyfriend off. His 'bird' may have a Porsche, but does she know that he's got a porscheant for male a*se (see what I've done there you great big a*us botherers, yeah?). I think we all know where that hilarious inflatable mic ended up last time you were out, yeah that’s right up his a*se that’s where. But the b*ggery doesn't stop there OH NO. Lets take a look at the front line, well hello Dolly if not two of the biggest queens never to sing 'Radio Ga-Ga', Angus (take away the G-spot and what have you got left eh? you work it out f*dge nudgers). Who's that holding his hand up front and skipping towards the opposition goal? Well if it isn't our old make up wearing friend Greg. No wonder they like playing with their BACKS to goal. Who've we got left? Oh yes 2 lads who pride (G*y pride more like) themselves on being reet Yorkshire and reet working class, and they're both thick enough to fall in to that category, but lets take a closer look shall we, cos they do in the shower. I'm talking about Lee and Deano. Take the letters from both their names and what have you got lean (over) and anol, and that’s as close as I want to get to a*al, but probably not close enough for these g(*)uys. That is hard cold evidence of the rampant t*rd burglary that these to love to embark on. As for Aidy sounds like A*ds, the rightly named g*y plague. The only 2 that save that team from total g*yness are Rayon, who can't be g*y 'cos he spends all his time with Leroy and dresses like him and always sits with him, so he's in the clear; and Irish Eamonn, 'cos he's a big dopey ugly Paddy who no self respecting qu**r would look twice at.

So there you have it Mullers and Jords, sort these f*ggots out before they give you a good sorting, 'cos if you don't I might do the unthinkable and change my life long allegiance to Trinity, to Stanningley, cos they're not b*nders just inbred F*ckers, if you don't do it soon I'll be chanting MULLERS OUT MULLERS OUT  B*NTLEY IN!

T.Hick (Gipton)

It's always good to receive an e-mail from a Trinity fan and you are entitled to your opinion.  However most of the players you've mentioned are happily involved in long-term relationships with members of the opposite sex (females) suggesting they do not 'bat for the opposition' as they say.  

Just wanted to say hello!

Hello my name is Amy,

I am a fun loving, attractive, intelegent woman. I will be in the USA for 12 months on business.  I really enjoy meeting new people it's so exciting. I recieve free air fares so I travel quite often.  I am looking forward to your reply. Reply to my personal email only please. By the way, I  saw your profile and luved it. My personal email is quicks@caffeboomz.info.  I will reply back with a picture, Promise. ttyl..,

Amy Hooker

Some of your spelling suggests you're not quite as intelligent as you claim.  In addition you haven't indicated whose player profile you 'luved' as you put it.  However our readers are sure to be looking forward to seeing your picture.

Hotel loving!

Hi there all you sexy guys at Trinity and I'd like to thank three of your charming players for a wonderful time the other week, being from Rhydale we don't get to meet many sophisticated lads, and apart from the guy with the cheesy bowl head, these guys were witty, intelligent, engaging, company. I'd particularly like to thank the cool shaven headed guy for his wonderful company, and his sexy body. I'd also like to thank him for not f8rting constantly during the night, only a few sneaked out. However I fell that I owe him, in particular, an apology and his witty, handsome, mysterious blonde friend, firstly for the gross behaviour of my pig f*ck ugly friend's farting f*dge and secondly for leaving you to cop off with your chunky, cheesy bowl headed mate Eamonn. I think I owe you an explanation. You see I knew a sophisticated man of the world like you would never be able to settle in somewhere as provincial as Rhydale and an inbred looking divvy like me, would never be able to fit in with your glamorous lifestyle and you'd probably be embarrassed to be seen out with me. Therefore, the reason I decided to go with Eamonn instead, despite preferring you, is because poorly dressed divvies like him are 10 a penny in Rhydale, so he'll blend right over my massive c*ck. So thanks for the memories in that stolen night, I shall always remember it fondly but I know my place and so does Eamonn.

D. LaRue (Rhydale)

Glad you enjoyed your time with the Trinity players.  They always aim to please.

I am Mrs Rose Mike  from gold Coast base in cote d'ivoire with my husband before his death. I am a widow being that I lost my husband a couple of some years ago. My husband was a serving director of the Cocoa exporting  board until his death . He was assassinated January 2003 by the rebels following the political uprising.  Before his death he had a foreign account here in Cote d'Ivoire up to the tune of $8.5 M dollars which he told the bank that it was for the importation of cocoa processing machine.  I want you to do me a favour to receive this funds to a safe account in your country or any safer place as the beneficiary so that I will came over to your country with my only son. I have plans to do investment in your country, like real estate and industrial production. This is my reason for writing to you. Please if you are willing to assist me and my only son, my only son is 14 years indicate your interest in replying soonest I will offer you 10% of the total money.

Mrs Rose Mike 

Readers, e-mail now if you wish to help Mrs Rose Mike.

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Readers if you want to read those tips and be entertained make sure you sign up for your hotmail account.

** Red Card **

Sinbad Loves You

TROLLERSIZERRRRR.....

Gaz Doc (First team Manager, Corinthian Sports 1948, Bristol

Due to the pure, ridiculous abstract nature of your e-mail you have been given the red card.  You’re off!  

 ** E-MAIL OF THE WEEK **

RE: Sighting!

Did my eyes deceive me or did I really see a fully-fledged super hero striding on as   sub for Trinity II a couple of Saturdays ago?

As I was walking my dog, taking in the exceptional football on display, I noted a huge green tinged individual rise from the Trinity bench and stride purposefully onto the pitch. I stood in wondrous awe as I witnessed him knock, what up until that point had been an imposing 6' 3'' opposition defender into the middle of next week!   Don't get me wrong, I don't want you thinking that all he had to offer were the qualities of a Vinnie Jones gauged on kebabs! No, your new addition did well and nearly scored when he smashed a shot against the crossbar (On closer post match inspection it was deemed irreparable) 

With the Incredible Hulk (albeit looking less toned and rather thicker around the waist than I remember) as a team member the days of teams trying to bully a Trinity side seem to be over! How lucky that Trinity II wear a distinctive green kit that perfectly matches the skin of the Hulk....... Well-done lads! 

D. Walker (Rodley)

Yes it's good to see Jamie Connolly back in Trinity colours after a long period of absence. For your comments you've been awarded e-mail of the week.  

Congratulations!

Even after leaving Trinity last year I have always kept bang up to date on the site and on YOBL. I'd just like to say it was amazing to see the result against Collegians after a faltering start to the season.

I'm sure the corner is turned and a good run will see Trinity lift a deserved crown at the end of the season.

Also nice to see Macca still banging the goals in!!

Good luck fellas!!

Dave 'Killer' Kilsby

Thanks for your kind words Dave.  There's surely still a place in the Trinity squad for a quality defender like your good self, as well as a place in the Trinity FC Online squad for your music column so to speak.

Deano's Column

I would be quite honoured to be a columnist on the Trinity website!!!!

And why the bl**dy player profiles been updated, I’ve been with this team since July!!!

Deano

Player Profiles for new players can sometimes take time to be published as:

1. they are quite time consuming to complete

2. Trinity FC Online like to assess the potential loyalty of the player to the club before they publish a profile for them

Regarding your offer to be a columnist feel free to send in an article for the team to assess.  Perhaps a 'Holloway's Holidays' column would be useful where you review potential holidays suitable for footballers in the Yorkshire Old Boys' League.

Is it True?

Congratulations to Macca on having a child. I know that this message comes some time after the event but what prompts me to write is something that a former old boy (Eamonn Kissane) mentioned in passing. He said that the poor child is covered in spots, in particular the nose area. I sincerely hope that this is not the case and am confident that Macca has more than enough remedies hidden away to resolve the problem if it does actually exist.

There is a helpful website for parents who are worried about this condition and maybe of some comfort to Macca and his partner, www.kidswithyellowheads.com.

Gaz Doc (First Team Manager, Corinthian Sports 1948, Bristol)

Macca's young child is doing well.  Reports suggest he's free of spots at this moment in time.  Being spotty can be quite a problem for a child especially when they enter the jungle known as the school playground, where any weakness is jumped on by the packs of hyenas known as school children.

Has the Trinity II team took to wearing a Lycra Kit?

Last week I saw a gentleman emblazoned with the Mook and Trinity crests leave the changing room wearing what appeared to be the tightest kit I have ever seen a man wear. I know that along with Spurs many South American teams have switched to a tight, aerodynamic and heat resistant material to aide performance but I have never seen a player wear what appeared to be cycling shorts and a lycra top in an amateur match.

Could you possibly shed some light on this as I am a student studying sports performance at Leeds University and would love to read any findings/results your club has compiled on how this may aide performance. 

Sie. Geak. (Headingley)

Lycra kits may be big in South America but that isn't the case in the Yorkshire Old Boys' League.  One suspects it was actually a normal green kit that you observed which was worn by someone who was perhaps a bit too big for it.  Possibly the kit had been shrunk in the wash.

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Sounds like a great competition hotmail staff.  Readers, why don't you give it a try!

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Sounds an interesting offer.  Trinity FC Online will give it serious consideration.

** Red Card **

Bramhope Readers

Regarding the number of emails you receive from Bramhope, I live in Bramhope and I'd like to start a Bramhope Trinity Online appreciation society. Could you pass on the details of Barry Gibbons, Brendan Beesley and Ian Porter etc. so that I may sound them out about joining?

Failing that, could you email them my details or at least post my intentions on your notice board?

By the way, this society won't necessarily be exclusive to people living in Bramhope. Those living near Bramhope may also apply, unless you live in Holt Park, in which case you can f*ck right off.

Mr Sheen-Shines, Umpteen-things-Clean, Bramhope

The contribution of Bramhope readers to Trinity FC Online's e-mail page over the last few seasons has been excellent.  However that doesn't mean they are allowed to be rude to readers from different districts in Leeds.  Holt Park readers are just as valued.  Therefore your abusive comments have resulted in you being given the red card.  You’re off!  

 ** E-MAIL OF THE WEEK **

Email Suggestion

Being an avid reader and fan of your website I have now taken the time to drop you a line regarding this on-line facility. Whilst I like the match reports, fixtures and statistics section, I have to say I most enjoy the sections where the fans get a little closer to their idols via personally written columns such as Gardiner’s World, Travers on TV and Priestley’s Predictions. With the arrival of a load of new players to the club due to the formation of the Reserves, or the "green machine" as I like to call them, is there the opportunity to have more of these?

In case this was in the plans I have drawn up a few selections of my own...

• John Hobbs "Nobbs": Hobbsy could give reviews of the latest biscuit offering on the supermarket shelves, or alternatively John could just list people who have really p*ssed him off over the past week.

• Rayon's "Rave - ons": Mr Maynard could give an overview of where he spent the last week partying, and maybe for us Trinity stalkers, where he may be this weekend.

• Deano's "Beano": Choosing a comic or magazine to read on your way to work could be a hassle of the past if Dean Holloway could ready every lads mag around and suggest which one is the best.

• Beattie's "Beats": Coming from Cumbria and spending time in the Navy surly gives young Adam an authority for what's hot and what is not in the world of music, I would really like to know what kind of stuff he listens to in the week before a big game.

Look forward to your comments

Mike Hunt, Ossett

It hasn't always been easy for Trinity FC Online to sign up Trinity players as columnists, due to the busy lives they lead.  However for your interesting suggestions you've been awarded e-mail of the week.  

Bring back Toney!

Much has been made of Trinity FC's start to the season under the guidance of Jose Mullownio, some fools have even suggested relegation, I myself think Trinity's class will show through as the season progresses and the title will be their's. However my point is that I feel the loss of inspirational midfield genius and hard man Mick Toney is still playing on some of the players’ minds. Mark Ryan runs around like a lost little puppy with out his master there to tell him who to pass to and when to shoot!!! Stevie Travers has no one to rant and rave at in his Irish cockney twang and posh Tom Priestly is obviously missing Mick’s art of conversation at his dinner parties. Rumour has it that when the transfer window opens in January Bardsey may be willing to listen to offers for their star player, although a source close to the player said he would only return if they put a fence round the pitch and sold Chris Gardiner.

Clare O’Connor

Thanks for your e-mail Clare.  It's always good to receive e-mails from females as they say.  Mick Toney has indeed been missed by Trinity.  He would surely be welcomed back by the Trinity players and management if he entertained the idea of returning.

Team Social!

The team social is now to be held on Saturday 19th November. Apologies for having to swap dates around but team socials are organised around my relationship with my fiancée, and the 19th is the only one I can make!!!!!!!!!!

We will meet in the Pack Horse after our respective games and probably go into town early evening, have a bit of a pub-crawl and then finish up at Mook.

Everyone must attend. No excuses!!!

Gareth Curran, Operations Manager (Trinity Social Secretary)

Thanks for the notice Gareth.  It promise to be a splendid occasion.  If anyone else would like to use Your E-mails page as a medium for their notices, Trinity officers or not, feel free to e-mail them to Trinity FC Online.

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Hotmail Member Services

Thanks again for another of your your generous prize offers Hotmail.  Readers if you have a Hotmail account make sure you check to see if you've won a prize!

I'd give Ulrika one!

How sad it is to see one-time Trinity FC Online editor Ulrika Johnson marriage collapsing.  Her and that posh army chap seemed very happy together.  Anyway to cheer her up can you pass on the message to her that I’d still happily give her one as I think she’s still fit for an older woman, even though her t*ts are probably a bit saggy these days.

Barry Gibbons, Bramhope

Yes it is a shame to see her marriage collapsing.  But you're quite correct Barry she still is a fine looking woman.  We'll pass on your message to her the next time she's in the office, but don't be altogether surprised if you don't receive a reply.

** Red Card **

FootballMercato New Ads

Players seek clubs: Smili Hassan (Goalkeeper, 17 years, D2, Morocco), Ribeiro Joel (Right defensive midfielder, 23 years, D4, France)

Coaches seek clubs:  Dellal Alexandre (Physiotherapist, Entr.-prépa. Phy. -Animateur seniors, France), Singh Macky (Manager, UEFA 'B' - USSF "B" License, New Zealand), Goffinet Michael (Manager, Belgium)

Tournaments proposed by clubs: Dixie Invitational (U19, 25/11/2005, US)

footballmercato.com

Trinity's first team are struggling at the moment but to suggest that they need coached is a kick in the teeth the Trinity management just do not need.  As for the Dixie Invitational tournament you must surely be aware that:

1. Trinity don't have many U-19 year olds playing for them

2. it's in the middle of November when Trinity are in the thick of league and cup action

Needless to say you’ve been given the red card.  You’re off!  

 ** E-MAIL OF THE WEEK **

Trinity on screen!

Regarding Ian Porter's e-mail from a few weeks ago regarding who should be cast as the Trinity players in a film I have some suggestions.  Assuming it is English made I've decided to star well known British actors.  I feel Ross Kemp (Grant Mitchell in Eastenders) would be ideal for the role as tough guy Jordan.  Denis Waterman (in his Minder days) would be more than suitable for the role of Mullowney as he always seemed to be pulling birds in that popular drama series. Ardhal O’Hanlan (from Father Ted) could be Travers because he's funny and Irish.  Someone big and posh such as that guy who was Neil in the Office could be Tom  Priestley.  Ant and Dec could be the two Adams and the g*y one from Coronation Street could be Greg Turner as he's a bit c*mp at times.  I'll let your readers think of some others as I can’t be a*sed doing any more!

Steve Bainbridge, Moortown

Some interesting selections made, which makes your e-mail; well worthy of the e-mail of the week award.  Readers, e-mail now with your views.

Selection advice

It must be tricky for the Trinity management to choose who should play for the first and second teams, as all the players they have on their books are pretty good.  Therefore I recommend a simple system of team selection to make things easier.  As it's a well known fact that goals that win games then the teams should be selected on the basis of which players are scoring the most goals.  For example Greg Turner and Richard Lambert should be immediately promoted to the first team as they are both scoring sh*t loads of goals at the moment.  Who's places should they take.  Take your pick.  There's plenty of first team players who haven't scored at all this season.  Any of them could be dropped!  

Eileen Over, Bradford

At first glance this looks like a simple system that could work.  However you'd have to careful you don't pick a team full of forwards which this system favours, as they're more likely to score the goals.  That would result in a serious imbalance in the teams attacking and defending capabilities.

Ripper Hoaxer Beattie?

I've heard a rumour that the Yorkshire Ripper Hoaxer that has just been arrested after all these years is none other than Trinity's Adam Beattie.  Is this true?

Billy, Leeds

No it isn't true.  He's far too young.

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Hotmail Staff

Thanks for your generous prize offer Hotmail Staff.  Readers if you have a Hotmail account don't forget to check to see if you've won a prize.

We’ll thrash you on Saturday!

I play for Leeds Medics, Trinity's opposition this Saturday.  Remember us, we won the league last season and we were great.  On Saturday we'll give Trinity a good thrashing as all our players are faster and better than Trinity's.  We're also a lot harder as well as we'll prove by breaking the legs of the best Trinity players and smashing their teeth in.  The good news for Trinity is we'll look after them after we've done it as we’re all medics and dentists (apart from our goalkeeper who’s obviously extremely uneducated and has to do manual labour for a living)!

R Robinson, Medics

Thanks for your e-mail.  Let's hope the best team wins on Saturday.

** Red Card **

Relegation for Trinity!

Looking at Trinity's results this season I reckon they are going to get relegated as they are too old, too slow, too soft and too sh*te! 

An informed observer

For your negative views we'd like to 'inform' you that you’ve been given the red card.  You’re off!  'Too' bad!

 ** E-MAIL OF THE WEEK **

Bottlers!

I've paid close attention to the top level of the Old Boys league in recent years, i.e. Senior A and B, and as a result I've been drawn to the vast strides that Trinity, in particular have made in that time. You went from bottom half of the table, having lost a good portion of games, to promotion in second place, having beaten everyone in that division at least once that season. Impressively overcoming a 7-0 away thrashing to Batley, to beat them 2-1 at home, this showed character. Last season you were thought by many to be amongst the relegation favourites at the start of the season, but some shrewd acquisitions and a strong promotion nucleus meant you shocked many by coming 2nd, well clear of third. I'm afraid however the positives stop there, as I believe when push comes to shove Trinity don't have the bottle and the winning mentality it takes to go that extra bit and win trophies and especially league titles. Teams can bully you out of your stride, a big fast forward who puts it about and your defenders back off. A hard man midfielder who is uncompromising in the tackle and you hurry your passes. And a physically powerful defender bullies your forwards into drifting out wide, and providing no target for those behind. This is why it's my firmly held belief you won't win anything. Look at the last two seasons. You went into the last 2 games against East Ardsley and Stanningley in your promotion season, knowing two wins would see you promoted as Champions. What happened, a draw with East Ardsley blew it for you, no disrespect to them but, they're cr*p. Last season, simple, well done for finishing so high up, but bottled it in the cups, especially when getting knocked out by Old Rovers and bottled it in the league by f*cking up against Abbey Grange.

I like your style of play and I like what you've done for the league, but to me you're a soft touch when the pressures on, and I've not seen anything to prove me wrong and.  This month is a tough one for you, so I'll get a chance to see what your made of early doors. Good luck

A. Prentice, Formerly of Roundhegians, a team of winners

Strong, critical comments backed up with evidence.  Trinity FC Online doesn’t necessarily agree with you. However the fact that you’ve put together a well researched argument to back up your opinions means you have been awarded e-mail of the week.

Nightmare!!

I'm a really, REALLY fit bird and yet I'm really depressed, let me tell you why. I went to watch Trinity play against Sandal last week, you probably didn't see me though, but I'm fit as you like, and despite thinking that Macca and Clubby are a pair of divvies, I really enjoyed the eye candy on view, and really fancied loads of the Trinity players. Jimmy Yates and his general hunkiness and figure hugging shorts; Adam Williams and his youthful pretty boy features; Gardiner and his balletic movement; Matt Jordan raised my temperature with his manly grunts; Mullers is obviously hunky and his muscular, toned frame showed through his shirt; Robbo and his cute smile; Leroy and his lithe athletic frame; Travers Elvis like quiff and endearing smile and the cockney accent is soooo sexy. BUT the real hunk of the team for me was/is Dennis Katoro, so athletic, so muscular, so graceful and that broad smile. Why after seeing all these hunks and seemingly finding the man of my dreams, and being INCREDIBLY fit am I gutted you may ask, well I'll tell you, BECAUSE KATORO IS A BIG F*CKING B*NDER WHO SUCKS C*CK THATS WHY. I can't f*cking believe it he prefers hairy blokes a*ses to beautifully trimmed fa**ies, WHAT A P*FF!

Good luck for the season Trinity.

S.Model, Armley

The Trinity players mentioned in your e-mail are bound to be pleased with your complimentary remarks.  However your opinions on Katoro’s sexuality may be a bit off the mark.  He actually has a reputation as a bit of a ladies man in some circles.

Word of Warning!

I know certain readers of the Trinity website have got a sweet tooth, I certainly have as anyone whose seen me will know. As a result I'm sure lots of you love a bit of jam on your bread/toast, and it's to those people I send out this warning. I went to the Supermarket the other day and got some Strawberry jam, my favourite, and I'd just got 17 slices of bread ready to spread it on then stuff into my big fat stupid face, when I accidentally knocked the jam on the floor with one of my huge arms. Thank f*ck I did, cos when I looked down at it there were thousands of pieces of little glass in the jam. Imagine if I stuffed that into my big stupid face, I'd I've been a right f*cking mess wouldn't I. So beware readers when getting jam.

Jonsey, Leeds

It’s a good job you didn’t eat it otherwise you would have been in a bit of a ‘jam’.  But seriously standards do appear to have slipped in the quality control departments of jam manufacturers recently.  No doubt it’s because of cost cutting measures introduced, so that they can keep their prices down in order to compete with their rivals in the market place.  Never mind.

Offer of football match and spa healing

Dear sportmanlike colleague,

Allow us to address you our offer of the trip to the Czech republic for sportsmen.

Our agency has prepared a number of activities for football players from children to old boys.

We also offer curative procedures afford limb of motion chronic diseases highly successful treatment, especially the treatment after big joints operation. The hydrogen sulphide bath in connection with another procedure of classical and up-to-date medical science are basis for such a healing.

You will familiariaze yourself with the beauty of ‘Hundred spires’ Prague, play friendly matches with Czech teams, we going with guide through the typical Czech pubs where the world famous beer is served. During the stay you can visit beautiful imperial chateau Konopiste, you can see how Czech Crystal is made, we can arrange an excursion to the brewery. Over time at nights you can explore club, bars etc. Sports experience vary the cultural one, you will get to know Czech cuisine, Czech standards of living, you will establish new sporting friendships.

Come and visit the ‘Football nation’

We know very well our territory.

Yours in football

Mr Pavel Petracek, Managing Director

Thanks for your kind offer Pavel.  The Trinity players are indeed familiar with the Czech Republic territory having visited Prague for their last two end of season trips.  Due to the fine welcome they received they are sure to visit the wonderful country again.

Nose bleed advice!

A tip to those players who have to leave the football pitch with a nose bleed.  Do keep grasping it as instructed by your manager, when they are going to get some paper to clean it up.  That way you might actually stem the flow of bleeding. By not grasping it the blood will continue to flow.  As a result you’ll find you cannot return to the field of play.  This could result in you missing the end of a game when you’re losing and your team being left with ten men on the pitch.  As a result the team will struggle to get an equaliser.  This piece of advice isn’t necessarily aimed at anyone in particular but do bear it in mind for the future Travers you daft c*nt!

Steve Sheard, Bramley

First aid advice is always welcomed by the Trinity FC Online readers.  If any of our other readers have similar advice e-mail it to Trinity FC Online now.

Under and Over

Trinity’s recent performances suggest they are very much an ‘over and under’ team. Let me elaborate on that statement.  The Trinity players are overrated and underachievers.  They are also overpaid and under performing.  Finally they are over the hill and under everyone else in the table.  Bet you think I’m a right clever c*nt with those statements.

Brendan Beesley, Bramhope

Not sure about the ‘clever’.  To suggest the Trinity players are overpaid is nonsense as they actually pay for the privilege of playing for Trinity, as opposed to getting paid.  It’s also a little early to suggest they are underachieving.  The trophies are never won in October as they say.  Reserve your judgment until the end of the season.

What do you think?

A big hi to all Trinity fans and players out there. I'm looking for all your opinions. Is it just me or is a good home cooked meal better than microwaved sh*t any day of the week, what do the readers think?

L.Blair, Scott Hall

Not sure if this e-mail has any relevance to the general theme of this website.  But if any readers have an opinion on the above subject e-mail Trinity FC Online now!

** Red Card **

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Hotmail Member Services

Don’t all e-mail services allow you to ‘keep a track of the number of e-mails you have in your inbox, send an e-mail with only one click of the mouse and let you know when you have received a new e-mail’ as you put it.  For trying to sell us something that we’ve already got you’ve been given the red card.  You’re off!

 ** E-MAIL OF THE WEEK **

Is having a laugh

Tuning into Trinity's excellent, informative, witty, entertaining and balanced website last week I was particularly drawn to one of the e-mails, in your ‘I can't really be a*sed this week so I'm just going to print all the ridiculous over-seas e-mails we get’. This particular e-mail was sent by Sodji Alada I think his name was. Reading Sodji's desperate e-mail, where he pleaded for a game I nearly laughed myself to death when I read that he claimed to be a goalkeeper but the short a*sed c*nt stands at 4ft 3, and yet the reason he thinks he can't get a game is because of the high number of players in his country and not because there are bigger goalies playing U11's football. Anyway I think Jordan and Mullers should arrange for this Jimmy Krankie character to come over for a trial, as he is prepared to pay his own expenses, and laugh our t*ts off at him trying to put the nets up, and charge the silly little f*cker £5 for his troubles. Then get him back to the pub afterwards just to see our new 'goalkeeper' struggle to climb up onto one of the bar stools. Go on Jim, Matt you boring c*nts do it, you boring f*cking c*nts.  If you don't do it, it means you like sucking c*ck

PS Does Denis Katoro read this website, if he doesn't tell him he's a cu*t, if he does, you’re alright Denis, you’re my favourite Trinity player.

H. Ardcase, Wortley

Despite your efforts I doubt whether the Trinity management team will invite the player in question for a trial.  However for your complementary comments about the website you’ve been awarded e-mail of the week!

Technological difficulties!

Last week I downloaded the theme to 'Minder' as a mobile phone ringtone.  I’m afraid the quality was not very good and I could hardly recognise that very familiar tune. Do your readers have any other stories about 'technology' failing them, I would be very interested to hear if anyone has had the same experience as me.

Macca, Trinity

As the great Denis Waterman might say ‘I wish technology could be so good for you’! But seriously technology has got a habit of failing at the most inconvenient of times.  Readers if you have any similar stories e-mail Trinity FC Online with them now!

Trinity on the big screen!

With the new football film Goal about to be released I got to thinking wouldn’t it be fantastic if a film was made about the Trinity team.  Which film stars would be given the roles of Trinity stars such as Gardiner, Clubbs and Yates?  I haven’t got much of a clue, as I don’t really watch films, so I was wondering if any of your readers could make some suggestions.

Ian Porter, Bramhope

Interesting idea Ian.  Readers e-mail your casting suggestions now!

Anthony McKeown's invitation

Come join the fun!  At SMS.ac, your friends are waiting for you to join them in their Mobile Friends Network.

Here's who's currently waiting for you:

Anthony McKeown, Stanningley

Thanks again for another of your kind invitations Anthony.  And good luck in your season at Stanningley

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Hotmail Staff

Thanks for the information Hotmail Staff.  Our readers are sure to try it out.

Why Aye Man!

Why aye man, it’s big Geordie Paul ‘Macca’ McIntosh here, from Sandal Wanderers.  Wor Jacky!  Trinity think they’re so good man, cos they’re too divisions above us.  But we’re big lads like, and we’re going to get stuck into yee on Saturday.  I’m going to kick the sh*t out of yee all meself like.  Then we’ll beat yee, easy.  Why aye!!

Big Geordie Macca, Sandal

Thanks for your e-mail Paul.  Good luck on Saturday and let’s hope the best team wins.

** Red Card **

P*ffs The Magic (of) Trinity

As you all know by now I am one of Trinity’s biggest fans, I love your style of football, the never say die attitude, the number of exciting crowd pleasing players you have, the number of players who’ll run through a brick wall for the cause and Clubby. I’ve always admired Trinity’s desire to fly in the face of what every other team tries to do or how they try to act, and that’s why I thought I’d always support you, HOWEVER, much to my dismay you have turned into a massive bunch Q*EERS. First of all in pre season one of your fa**ot players got tackled in a game and cos it left a ladder in his little stockings, he had to wait for an ambulance to bring him to Accessorise to replace his precious leg wear. Then when the Ref stopped instead of starting an immediate fight over his prostrate body like what the Trinity of yesteryear would have done without thinking about it, you all minced on to the nearest pitch available so you didn't have to look at the snare in his tights and carried on with the game. So disgusted by this act of homoism was your WORKING CLASS Head of Dept Teacher, boss Mullers he joined the other f*cking team for the rest of the game, whilst Neil stood over the distressed Trinity player staring at his n*b, or something. F*CK ME. As if that wasn't bad enough what happened next fair turned my stomach. So scared were you of playing anyone different you organised a FREINDLY a fuc*ing freindly mind, against each other  Now if that’s not bent I don't know what is.  Well actually I do I can tell ben*ers a mile off me, then I drive that mile and run the g*y bas*ards over. Looks like I'll be steaming across St.Theresa’s sometime soon in MarkII Capri and taking out a shed load of Trinity's latest lot. Not content with this early season f*gdom, I heard you organised a night out, and I thought SOUND at last they're gonna get bladdered and batter some students, like you've almost done loads times before but ended up havin a chat/dance with em. I mean in the old days we didn't have to organise a p*ss up because we were playing p*ssed, but at least it seemed to be step in the right direction, BUT F*CK ME if you didn't go and give that a pink frilly edge as well by going to renowned, "can just pass me that coin I've dropped mate, but first take your p*nts off" pub Mook, I mean think on the owner's called Piers, what does Piers rhyme with that’s right Leroy, QU**RS. You ORGANISED your night out to incorporate a g*y bar. Top men like Mullers, Adam W, Adam B and Gardiner arranged to get out of there as quick as possible and go chasing loads of fit as f*ck skirt, and Gareth Curran had the self-respect to start a fight with someone he, rightly, suspected of being g*y, after he sucked him off in the toilet. Travers left as well but he doesn't chase skirt cos he's a committed family man, but he refused to be b*mmed in the toilets for one second longer. Meanwhile Jonsey and Jamie were back there getting oiled up and loving it, the g*ys love their big hunky arms and their massive pecs, BUT DO A FEW SIT UPS YOU FAT C*NTS. Anyway if that isn't enough ga*ness to make you want to puke, then get this, you've now got an ex-sailor in your team, FU*KING HELL. Sort it out Mullers or I'll end up bringing my loyal support to follow Collegians cos those divvies are too ugly to pull anyone g*y or straight.

H. Ardcase, Armley

Aggressively questioning the sexuality of so many of Trinity’s respected servants is well out of order.  You’ve been given the red card.  You’re off!

 ** E-MAIL OF THE WEEK **

Calamity Field T+S 2nds Vs Leeds Medics IV

I feel its necessary to iron out the creases about our wonderful second team keeper, Lee Field (Chairman of the T+S fat club), Lee has come under the spotlight about his performance on Saturday arguably costing the second team there first point of the season. He has shown some good goalkeeping in pre-season and has already made himself known verbally being the fat drunk that he is, however Lee's preparations for the game were quite normal.  He came to the game nursing a hangover cured by a cup of Heinz tomato soup, dressing room banter was normal after discussing which other member of the Trinity team can become a new member of his fat club - Roman, our new foreign import from the Czech Republic has a fantastic resemblance of Lee in 15 years time.  When asked if he could apply for a membership, Lee said " No foreigners in my fat club, I have standards".  Much to my amazement I said to Lee you have limits Lee????. His reply was " I've just come out of a relationship limits are 16-60, although if she's 15 and tells me she is 16 that's ok".  Typical Lee....................

So off the pitch Lee was at his best, The big kick off the first ever game was upon us and the lads totally fired up with a good spirit in the atmosphere. The first half was tight contested game but Trinity came into the game towards the end of the first half dominating possession and creating some great chances stand in striker Gus missing the best.  Second half Trinity came out the same way they ended the first 10 minutes in and Trinity broke the deadlock.  Some good work by Greg on the left playing a neat 1-2 with Deano to fire Trinity level. Ten minutes later Trinity took a well deserved lead.  A long free kick knocked into the medics penalty area. Captain Rich winning the header for Deano to turn and shoot and rattle ball off the bar and into the net, 2-1.

Then things turned sour Trinity seemed to sit back after taking the lead and Medics started to put the boys under pressure.  With three minutes to go Substitute Tiny Tim decided he would try his luck at goal keeping, seeing as he looks nothing like Lee the ref had no hesitation in pointing although Lee did seem to be impeded by a Medics player during the incident! Converted penalty made it 2-2 which if every player is honest probably a fair result. But still there was to be drama.

A Free kick awarded to Medics in the Trinity half looked a wasted opportunity as it was going straight into Lee's hands, Think the thoughts of Lee was I know I will get on the Xmas DVD of David Seaman's Goalie F*ck ups as the ball went straight under him, through his legs and into the back of the net, heartache for everyone especially Lee!!!

Lee, head up mate forget about it and roll on next week, you never know may even be a penalty shootout to redeem yourself!!!

Dean Holloway, Trinity midfielder

For your excellent alternative view of Saturday's match you've been awarded e-mail of the week.  

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As interesting as science can be Trinity FC Online will on this occasion refuse your offer of a free subscription.  But thanks anyway.  

Football Mercato New Ads

Players seek clubs:

El Gnaoui Mohamed (Right forward, 18 years, France), Tan Jun (Right centre back, 24 years, Singapore), Derbal Sabrina (Right centre back, 20 years, France), D'antuono Salvatore (Goalkeeper, 20 years, Italy)

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The Trinity scouts are on the way to watch them.

Another future for football

My names are sani negedu. I play with taiwo juniors’ fc Ankpa before my trial with leopard fc ankpa. But I was advise not to sign for leopard since I am too young to face the risk of playing in the Nigeria lower divisions’ league.  During my days in taiwo juniors’ fc, I was the club top scorer with 58 goals from 62 matches.

I am planning to develop my game with a soccer academy and it occurs to me that some body may be of some help. Either by considering my capabilities or by advising me as to the best way of achieving my aims.  I also would appreciate if any academy can offer me a trial.  I can be contacted via saninegedu@yahoo.com

sanni negedu, Nigeria

If any academies are interested in Sanni please e-mail Trinity FC Online now.

Anthony McKeown has invited you to join the Mobile Friends Network on SMS.ac.

Anthony says,
               "This looks like a really good way for us to stay in touch."

Anthony McKeown, Stanningley

Thanks for your kind invitation Anthony.  Good luck this season with Stanningley.

my name is ayadi olusoji franciz, I lived with my parent at no 20, oloruntoyin street and i'm a reliable citizen of nigeria.  I am a potential football player,I am a Nigerian born, 17years of age with a height of 4ft 3ins tall. My main purpose of writing you is pertaining to how you can kindly assist me in getting a trial in your youth football academy. I am a goalkeeper and I am currently playing for a local grass-root football academy under /16/17 here in Nigeria called gunners star football academy but due to the over population of player in the country, I have not been able to get a good offer. This is why I am appealing to you to call me up for a trial in your reputable football club so that I can show case my potential football talent.

I have been a regular browser of your website .All I require from you is a letter of trial and visa application letter and I shall handle all the traveling expenses on my own account. Please sir, kindly grant me a one month invitation letter to come and prove my potential ability and I promise you that my existence in your football squad is going to bring a good change. I strongly await your positive response. sir, I wish to hear from u soonest. warmer regards.

soji ayadi

At 4ft 3 you may be a little short for both Trinity teams.  However thanks for getting in touch and keep being a 'regular browser' of the website as you put it.

am a young  amaible and scrupolous amateur footbaler, I have just visited ur website on the internet  and I was impressed, so I decide to write u, am looking forward to you may be you can give me a chance in your feeders team to proove what I can do, and I believe I will achieve a goal of becoming a  super star if you can give me a trial, cause am a very good footbaler  with potentials and respecct as well as  decipline .

if you can give me a chance  I will make you be proud of me  , cause I have a potential that as not been discorvered, am a strong and experience footballer that you can count on any time cause am a utility player I can play any role and satisfy the audience,

I have played for a lot of amateur club here in NIGERIA and this are my requirement bellow:

AGE - 16 years 5/3/1988
PAST CLUB - hot shark fc,raidersfc, jossy fc.
PRESENT CLUB - suziebabes fc.
WEIGHT - 56kg   
NATIONALITY - NIGERIA
POSITION - striker,

pls sir I will need ur help, and I will be nery grateful if u can get me club any where in europe and even in asia and the scandanevia 

sulaimon musta, Nigeria

Thanks for e-mailing Sulaimon.  However it is doubtful you'd pass the induction spelling test that all players have to pass before they can play for Trinity.

pls. am' a boy of 18 years of age and I a club to joined and I found you the internet search so I decided to apply  if you pls. invite me to your club for justified. by the way my is nana yaw like to end.     hope here from you soon wish you all the best.

bye....... 

Stephen Abugri

All the best to you too Stephen, whatever you were on about!  bye!

** Red Card **

Thank you please

Hello I have a very exciting business propostion for you people,

I am hoping very much that you are helping me. I am able to offering you unique opportunity, which is guaranteeing you very large deposit. You can players simply deposit money, no less than £1000 into bank account for me and you are gaurenteed immedaite returnings. Yes for this small amounts I WILL GIVE YOU A RIGHT GOOD B*MMING YOU GAY F*CKERS, I EXPECT NIEL AND GUS ARE ALREADY ON THE PHONE TO THERE BANK MANAGERS. Thank you for your co-operations my friends.

Christophe Gardinerio, Nigeria

Here's a 'proposition' for you Christophe.  You've been 'deposited' with the red card.  You're off!