Your e-mails archives 2007/08

 ** E-MAIL OF THE MONTH**

No chance!

I suppose you lot think your Billy Big Time now you've reached 2 finals, well let me tell you in my opinion your Sidney Small Time. This hilarious renaming of you is based on quite a few things.

1. The last time you reached 2 finals you made total c*nts out of yourself, getting thrashed in one and losing to the only shot your opponents had in the other, I believe, ending the season, where you thought you were the bo**ocks empty handed.

2. I've asked around and most people seem to think you had a better squad back then as well, with match winners on the bench as well as the pitch. These days all you've got on the pitch is 11average players and you've fluked it to the finals.

3. You'll defo be playing us in one of the finals and we should have kicked your cocky ar*es when you luckily put us out on pens in the early rounds and we will defo make up for it this time. In fact we were made up you got to the final cos we thought 'we'll have them'

4. You'll, in my opinion, play either Bank, who you never beat, or Bramley, who are the best team we've played and are shed loads better than you, in the other final and I predict a stuffing for you in that.

5. your paper thin squad and paper thin heart for a battle will be exposed during a gruelling run in.

There you go, not having a pop just stating the facts. If you guys want a cup at the end of this season I suggest you get yourselves a tea set or one of those things for your cock they use in cricket, knowing you lot you'll probably get a used one and have a good sniff of it. See you in the final over achievers.

Matty, Gildersome.

Thanks for your e-mail Matty.  Only time will tell if Trinity fail in both finals.  To prove that Trinity FC Online can take considered criticisms of the team you've been awarded e-mail of the month! 

Join Trinity FC?

My name is Roman Domurad. I am 31 years old.  I'd like to play football. But I am not fit enough for competitive match at the moment. I didn't play competitive (11-a-side) match for 3 years but some (5-a-side) matches.  I used to play before regularly for almost 20 years as a defensive central midfielder or as a central back if necessary. If you welcome new players, I would like to start train now and hope, I will get fit for next season.

Roman Domurad

Roman you are welcome to attend training which is at Notre Dame Sports Hall, every Wednesday at 7pm.  Trinity's squad always welcomes new and old players alike.

Remember Middlesbrough!

Trinity think they're so good reaching two finals and not giving a sh*t how they do in the league.  However they should remember what happened to Middlesbrough in 19997.  They reached the FA Cup and League Cup finals, lost both of them and got relegated.  Players of the quality of Ravanelli, Juninho and Vickers couldn't save them that season.  Trinity don't even have players of that quality.

Neville

Trinity obviously don't have players of the quality of the players you have mentioned as they are playing at a much lower level in the football pyramid.  However players such as Chris Gardiner, Mark Ryan and Rayon Maynard are top quality players in Senior A.  Along with Trinity's other players they'll be doing their upmost to ensure Trinity survive in YOBL's top division. 

Is it Lambert?

Two quality quality players have left Trinity's squad recently, Neil Higgins and Dan Ward.  Coincidently their departures happened soon after being forced to play alongside Richard Lambert in central midfield.  Maybe Richard should take a long hard look at himself to see what he is doing to upset these players.  Or better still he should play himself upfront alongside John Hobbs so that skinny f*cker leaves!  Only kidding John I think you're sound.

P. Compton, Leeds

Neil Higgins played alongside Richard in centre midfield for a few years forging an effective partnership.  So his departure has nothing to do with suddenly being paired with him.  Dan Ward enjoyed a short spell at the club but left for family reasons.  Trinity FC Online wish both players all the best.

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If you want to be a doctor without seemingly having to do any work for it contact the above number. 

Important Information.  Please your urgent response is needed. It is a Pleasure to inform you through this medium that your email address won a prize of 1,500,000.00 Euro in category 'A' draw.
Ticketnumber:67-84-501
Reference number:AD/GU888/68/06.NH
For the immediate release of your funds, you are to provide the following details to our agent.
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Mrs.Susan Cole

Fantastic, we always knew that trinityfconline@hotmail.com was a lucky e-mail address.  However we can't remember entering this category 'A' draw.  Are you sure it is our ticket?

The next generation of Windows Live combines all your favourites you may already know and love like Hotmail and Messenger with new features that you will not want to miss!   They all work together seamlessly. So from your PC and mobile phone, you can stay in touch with the people that matter, wherever you are and in whichever way you choose.

Communications Department, Microsoft.msn.com

Thanks for keeping us informed of the new features.  In fact thanks for 'staying in touch'!

** Red Card **

Check out my Facebook profile

I set up a Facebook profile with my pictures, videos and events and I want to add you as a friend so you can see it. First, you need to join Facebook! Once you join, you can also create your own profile.

Here's the link:
http://www.facebook.com/p.php?i=648467049&k=Y3DTQZQ5P32MXD1DXGY6R&r&v=2

Paul Jones

Rather than try to make 'friends' with people online wouldn't you be better off picking up the phone and talking to real people and indulging in the forgotten art of conversation.  Perhaps you could invite some of your real friends round for a dinner party, rather than being so lazy as to simply 'update you profile' for your cyber friends.  It is the likes of texting, e-mailing, Facebook and MySpace that are ruining old fashioned social interaction.  For publicising such an organisation you've been awarded the red card.  You’re off!  Readers e-mail your views to Trinity FC Online now!

 ** E-MAIL OF THE MONTH**

Player CV Master‏

NAME: Ibrahim

PERSONAL DETAILS:

• Date of Birth: 10/10/1992

• Nationality:  Nigerian

• Height:  6.1

• Weight: 60

• Languages: English and hausa

PLAYERS PROFILE:

• Formal Clubs: Young Star FC

• Position: Forwarder

• Current Club: Arsenal FC Kano, Nigeria.

• Qualities & Tactical Data: Good

• Headwork: Excellent 

• Teamwork: Excellent

• Rightfoot: Excellent 

• Adaptability: Very good

• Athletics: Very good 

• Personality: Very good

• Speed: Fast 

• Opportunism: Good

• Tactics: skilful

• Achievements: Amateur 2

• National Call ups : junior kano state under 13.

Ibrahim Umar, Nigeria

That's the best football CV Trinity FC Online have ever received.  For that reason you've been awarded e-mail of the month!  It won't be long before you find a suitable club for your talents Ibrahim. 

Random Email‏

I know this is going to sound really weird and random but was wondering if your Social Secretary Gareth Curran is the same Gareth Curran that went to Sunderland Uni.

Please could you let me know as I think I saw him in Sainsburys today but not quite sure.

Leanne Walker

Chances are it is the Gareth Curran you know Leanne, as Trinity's popular social secretary did indeed study in Sunderland.  Click here to access his player profile for more details about him.  Readers if you think you may know a Trinity player from somewhere but you're not quite sure e-mail Trinity FC Online with your query now!

Girl or Guy?

I notice Leroy missed the game on Saturday because he was taking his 'girlfriend' to Paris.  But there must be a reason why it is called 'G*y Paree'.  Is Leroy's 'girlfriend' really a 'guy friend'?

Marcus CR, Leeds

Paris is well known as a romantic city where men take their female companions.  Well done to Leroy for treating the lady in his life.  Though for Trinity's sake let's hope he treats her more often outside of the football season!

Congratulations the fatherless!

Just like to say congratulations to all the lads at Trinity who aren't so insecure about their masculinity as to desperately produce g*y looking kids. Well done to all Trinity's fatherless lads long may you continue sh*gging the birds but realising you don't have to father a kid to be a real man, you won't catch any of those lads stuck on top of a wall with their underpants over their trousers dressed as a superhero after their mrs has f*cked off. Keep up the lack of reproduction lads.

M. Bragg (London)

Thanks for your e-mail.  Trinity FC Online would like to congratulate recent Trinity fathers Matt Jordan, Tom Priestley and Pete Compton on the birth of their new children.  Let's hope they don't give you too many sleepless nights, especially the nights before big Trinity games!

A Trinity Joke!

Here I love your website but there's not enough gags for my liking, so here's one for you miserable f*ckers.

Q. What's the difference between a bucket of sh*t and Tom Priestley?

A. THE BUCKET

What do you think of that you posh c*nt? Laters.

M. Toney LEEEEEEEEEEEDS.

Thanks for your joke.  Readers if you have a funny joke (Trinity related or not) e-mail it to Trinity FC Online now!

I was wondering who your readers thought was the worst forward in the Premiership.  For me it has to be Dirk Kuyt, Liverpool's ex-Ajax forward.  He couldn't hit his own a*se with a banjo!

Eamonn Kissane, Leeds

Interesting discussion topic Eamonn.  I'm sure there'll be plenty of e-mails flooding in regarding that.  However can we just point out that Dirk Kuyt has never actually played for Ajax.  He arrived at Liverpool from another famous Dutch club, Feyenoord.

I am Dr Galga Homes, an accountant officer with My Bank  here in Dakar Sengal. I gathered your information from my country's international chamber of trade and commerce.  The business I am about to introduce is based on sheer trust and with a sense of purpose.I am contacting you to assist in repatriating the sum of ($15.2M)u.S dollars.  The money and property left behind by Dr.Solomon who died accidentally On the 21st of April 2000, Dr Solomon Komana, his wife and their two Children were killed by rebels on the past crisis in Liberia during the Time of their formal president Charles Taylor near their village called Kuru .

I gathered all this information through a good source after my several routine note to his forwarding address. Because he had served here in Dakar Senegal as a business consultant with the Senegalaise National Petroleum & Gas Corperation.SNPGC and a special ass advise to the OPEC.  Since then I have made several enquiries to his embassy here in Dakar senegal to locate any of his extended relatives, this has also proved unsuccessful to locate any member of his family hence I contacted you as his account officer to work with you before the fund get confiscate or declared unserviceable by the bank where these huge deposits were lodged. Particularly.

Now the management has been deliberating on how to revert this fund to the bank privacy and since I have been unsuccessful in locating the relatives for over 3 years now, I seek your consent to present you as the next of kin to the deceased since you are a foreigner so that the proceeds of this account valued at $15.200,000:00 can be paid to you and then you and I can share the money. 50% to me and 40% to you, while 10% will be mapped out for any miscellaneous expenses that might incure in the cause of this transaction.

I have all the necessary legal documents to back up this claim, and this I must do to make sure that this fund is not wasted or end up in the wrong hands. All I require is your honest and sincere co-operation to enable us see this deal through.  I guarantee you that this transaction will be executed under a legitimate arrangement that will protect you and I from any breach of the law.

Dr Galga Homes

Readers if you are foolish enough to be interested in this offer e-mail Trinity FC Online now and we will pass your message on .......... to the trash file!

Sporttrades is sports one stop website, where sport fans can find information on clubs, clubs can promote themselves and businesses can reach a far wider audience.  We are already representing a number of clubs from a variety of Sports Nationwide, arranging sponsorship on their behalf.  Sporttrades carries out searches for advertising and sponsorship and are able to assist clubs, individuals, organisations and businesses with their marketing needs.

We feel our website will benefit you, opening new doors and potential sponsorship deals increasing your revenue in the future. All we ask is that you view our website www.sporttrades.co.uk  and supply us with your contact details in order that we may discuss your requirements.  We represent a diverse range of sporting clubs and individuals helping them to increase their exposure. Opportunities exist to advertise or sponsor sporttrade partners we represent, enabling you to reach a captive audience and advertising on the partner page giving access to a local and national audience.

For further information on advertising on our website, or to advertise or sponsor any of our partners please telephone us or email us.

Yours in Sport

info@sporttrades.co.uk

Thanks for your e-mail Sporttrades.  Readers if you are interested in linking up with Sporttrades just click on the link they provided in their e-mail.

** Red Card **

(This e-mail was sent before Trinity's recent game with Roundhegians in the Yorkshire Old Boys' Shield)

See you Saturday‏!

Alright sh*rt lifters! We may be in the division below you qu**ns, but judging by how cr*p you've been since Xmas that won't make a blind bit of difference to the game. I didn't expect you to be any cop this season anyway, what with taking two of our rejects on board, big nose I.T geek and that boring ginge, who used to bore us rigid going on and on about America. I wished he'd f*ck off to America but at least he went off to make sure that you guys would get a good nights sleep on a Saturday. Anyway looking forward to stuffing you on Saturday after you've been demotivated by some depressing, pompous garb from that big p*nce I've heard is managing you at the moment. Still better than listening to expletive ridden repetition from that stumpy little fella who usually manages you. Enjoy your trophyless relegation battle an*l investigators.

P. Enis, Roundhegians 

Well done for putting up such a good performance on Saturday.  However e-mailing Trinity FC Online with personal insults designed to create upset players is well out of order, especially as they gave such good service to your club.  For that reason you've been awarded the red card.  You’re off!

 ** E-MAIL OF THE MONTH**

More Friends for me please!

Hello my friends my name is Nigel Okawendi I am from Middleton, or Miggy as my local friends call it. I am most highly honoured to be accepted on to your website. The reason I have contacted you is that I have heard that many of your team, both 1st and 2nd team, members are on Facebook, some of who are even over 30. This fills me with great happiness and joy. At first when I came to Miggy (originally I lived in Belle Isle) I was confused as to why people did not just have several friends in their local community, or real people they could talk with face to face, rather than 'poking' each other. I was amazed that people would want to look at pictures of someone they hadn't really seen in 10 years on holiday in Ibiza, or would be happy to let some socio-path back in to their lives from primary school. Then I said to myself "no Henry, everyone needs to justify their existence on this planet and if they can do that by saying 'LOOK I have 113 contacts on my Facebook, I have made an impact in the world' then so be it". Once I got my head around this concept, that virtual, not real friends are what really counts I have never looked back. What I especially like about it is, if someone engages in michael taking  in real life I have to live of my wits and think on my feet to engage in banter, on Facebook I can merely wait, all day if necessary, until I have thought of something interesting or funny to say and then BAM! I give it to back to them and wait 24 hours for their witty response. In the past I would never have dreamed of boring people rigid with photo's of a party they weren't at, but with Facebook it would appear it is not boring and I can put all my photo's on and say stuff like "that's Nicolas dressed as Golfer, but he's not a golfer, ha ha ha, it was a mad night". Then no doubt people will want to get in touch with Nicolas and he will become your friend.

All this leads me to say to you at Trinity, especially the over 30's, do not be afraid to poke me and we can engage in excellent banter spanned out over time at our employer’s expense. I hope one day to join your team and bring my laptop to the changing room so we can poke each other there and not clutter the changing room up with needless conversation, I thought the 2nd team were doing this recently when I looked in and saw them all sat in much silence, but strangely I saw no laptop's most odd I thought!

Goodbye my friends.

Henry, Middleton 

The world is a nicer place with friendly people as they say.  For your 'friendly' message you've been awarded e-mail of the month!

Angus bottled it!

The Worthington Cup is getting closer and I see on Gareth's social column that Gus is the favourite. He might be but as the reigning champion, I will not give it up easy. He bottled it last year so I think he's scared.

Fieldy (WORTHINGTON KING)

It should be a fantastic competition.  If Angus attends he will definitely start as favourite, though rumour has it new signing Pete Compton could be a decent outside bet. 

Just what the doctor ordered

Hello to all at Trinity. Can I just firstly say that I don't have anything personally against you chaps, you try, but rarely succeed to play good football, you don't have any obvious thugs. In fact I would even say that part of your problem is your too bloody nice. On the odd occasion I've got to speak to one of you after we've beaten you, most of the members of your team that I have conversed with can construct a conversation and can even hold my attention for a time, apart from the ginger fella who just waffled on about sunburn. All this said, the reason for my e-mail is, and especially as a doctor who is so busy at this time of year and realises what a difficult time it can be, my team mates and I plan on ruining your Xmas do. Fear not, we're not Stanningley, we won't burst in to whatever grief, lady free, hole you're going to be couped up in and batter you all (though we could probably do that too), we're simply going to give you a footballing lesson during the day. That coupled with the fact that I'd imagine some of your players are so poorly disciplined that they won't be able to resist the factory Xmas night out on Friday the 14th, on the off chance of getting a knee trembler outside Jumping Jacks with the lass who works in the office. Therefore they'll turn up worse for wear on the Saturday and will struggle to get anywhere near our fleet footed players. 4-1 is my prediction (the one being a nod to Xmas gifts) to us and if I could perform an operation on all of you, it would be to give you some heart. See you in a few weeks turkeys!

Dr. X (ginger), Alwoodley

It should be a fantastic game on Saturday.  Good luck and may the best team win!

Be prepared!

Prepare for a tough game!

The Kinno lads, Kinnersley

Your prediction was correct.  It was a tough game.  Well done 'kinno lads', as you like to be called, for your contribution that day. 

I am writing to introduce a new local service, the Leeds Marketplace.  Do you have a local product/service to advertise but find the press to be expensive?  At the Leeds Marketplace, adverts are just £1 for a whole month, up to 100 words plus images, and a direct link to your website + email address.

As this service is relatively new, I would like to offer you a free trial of 3 months. Just reply to this email with your ad and we’ll upload it onto the website. You will be able to tweak your ad (or remove it) at any time via this email address. When the trial is over, if we do not hear from you we will simply remove your ad.  I would like to point out that this is a local enterprise, not a national company operating in the area. Any jobs generated through growth will be local.

http://www.leedsmarketplace.com

Thanks for your time.

Glenn Waghorne, The Leeds Marketplace

Readers if you have a product or service to advertise contact Glenn by clicking on the above link.

I am Benjamin Campos. I am the Resource Manager of Fulera Enterprise, a company which deals in African Prints, textiles, and fabrics. We are a new business operating out of Accra, Ghana. Our Geographic Markets ranges Worldwide.

We are located in West Africa. We also have clients in parts of Europe, North America and Asia. We always ship products to our clients first then they send payment afterwards. Online sale of our products and online payment is not possible either because paypal and credit cards processing, etc don't exist in this region as of now. Furthermore processing cheque and wire transfer payments from foreign countries takes too long a time here and this affects our cash inflow negatively.

As an individual person, would you like to act as our receiver agent in your country on a part-time basis. I assure you there is no stress involved here and you can earn extra cash on the side. As our agent all you have to do is receive payments on our behalf from our clients within your country and send cash to us. This method cuts the time we receive payment and saves us a lot of money.  Please note; you are NOT paying for anything here and NO ONE is asking you for any money or banking information. We only require your honesty and reliability. Also you must be currently employed.

You shall receive payments (usually cheques) via secure mail. For rendering this valuable service you get to keep 10% of any payment you receive on our behalf. The rest of the money (90%), you shall send to us as cash following the payment instructions set by us.

Whenever there is payment to be made by any client we can send your name as our agent. You will be notified when the payment arrives via mail so you will be available to receive it and await further instructions on sending our share of the money. Payments are up to five thousand dollars.  If you are interested, Send me your full names, and private mobile phone number.

Thank you for your time.

Benjamin Campos (Resource Manager), Fulera Enterprise.

If any readers are interested in this opportunity, which possibly seems too good to be true, please e-mail Trinity FC Online with your details.

** Red Card **

Facebook eleven v non-facebook eleven for charity?

How about Trinity organise a football match between the Trinity squad members who have an account on Facebook against Trinity squad members who don't have an account.  This would pitch players who find it hard to interact with real-life people and like to live their lives in 'cyberspace' against decent lads like Travers, Curran, Jordan, Gardiner and Connolly who like to go out boozing and having a laugh. The game could be played for whichever charity is fashionable at the moment and is likely to raise a lot of money.  However the risk is that the game might never get started as the Facebook squad might be too busy s*cking each other off in the changing rooms and will miss the kick off.

Tony Danza, Beeston

The idea of Trinity hosting a game for charity is a good idea.  However to suggest that members of the Trinity squad would miss the kick off of such a game is well out of order.  For that reason you've been awarded the red card.  You’re off!

 ** E-MAIL OF THE MONTH**

A different friends re-united

I, like many of you I'm sure, have been really intrigued to see sites like Friends Reunited and Face Book take off. I think it's really great that lonely people who've not been able to fully adapt to the adult world and want a tenuous connection with their youth through someone they used to sit next to in French, have somewhere to go to do this. Face Book on the other hand is great, it gives you the opportunity to show people you vaguely know pictures of you and your bessie mate Tony's ar*e when you were in Torremolinos, or what side splitting prank they pulled on you when you were asleep in your house after a night out at Tiger Tiger. I think there is however room for other such 'meeting' places in cyber space and that's why I'm taking the opportunity to advertise my new 'meeting' place for folk of all ages (between 16-35). I've got piles, which means I often leave blood on the toilet roll after I've wiped my ar*e post sh*t and I'm more likely to leave skids in my undies. My site is a meeting place for people with piles or other anally related problems, please check it out, but make sure you've got a comfortable seat first!  Please visit www.talkingaboutmyarsehole.co.uk

Alan, Dewsbury 

The sites you mention are great sites for getting in touch with old friends.  Facebook is indeed widely used by many of Trinity's squad to keep in touch with their friends around the country and to have a 'bit of a laugh' as they say. All the best with your website. For your message you've been awarded e-mail of the month!

Hello Andy Lowe!

Gooooooood Gawd !!!  ANDY !!  I was messing with the net and found your web site so thought I would give you a call. I hope you remember me as we went to Trinity together. If you do I would love you to get in touch. I’m now living in Donegal.

Des Turley

Andy Lowe is a legend at Trinity, serving the club for many years as a player, manager, secretary and treasurer.  We will try to pass your message onto the great man. 

Yesterday a Mothercare delivery was hijacked on the way through Leeds. Almost £8 worth of tracksuits were stolen in the 'heist'.

Police have no leads but suggest the general public keep their eye out for any children wearing a 'brand new full Umbro tracksuit for ages 8 - 10'

If you have any leads please contact your local police station.

Yorkshire Post

Readers be vigilant.  The Great British Police Force can always do with a helping hand from the Great British Public!

Has anyone kept in touch with Nick Bentley? I am on old friend of his and trying to track him down. I know he is out in Switzerland now – does anyone have an email address for him?

Lewis Ramsey

Ex-Trinity player/manager Nick Bentley is a regular reader of the website.  Hopefully he'll be in touch with his e-mail address.

Well done Stevie Travers for scoring two penalties against Stanningley the other week.  Taking penalties appears easy but it can take a lot of bottle in a pressure situation.  Stevie proved he had the bottle and technique to step up and score twice from the spot in such a tight game.  Why he hasn't always been the penalty taker is beyond me.  As far as I know he's never missed from the spot ever.  

Susie, Temple Newsam

Stevie Travers is indeed a fantastic penalty taker, due to his technique and ability to stay calm in a pressure situation.  He has actually missed a couple of penalties for Trinity, which is why he was previously removed from his penalty taking duties.  Now it appears he is back to his best spot kicking form.

One of the fantastic features of Windows Live Messenger is that you can play games in real-time over the Internet with any of your Messenger friends. The latest game to be launched is Messenger League, a football game that's easy to play and incredibly addictive. Not only can you challenge your Messenger mates, but there's also a global leaderboard to climb. So get involved and start representing the nation! Click here for more details

Windows Live Team

Thanks Windows Live Team.  That looks like great fun!

** Red Card **

Bolton Wanderers- Team Visits

Bring your team to the Premier League's spectacular Reebok Stadium home of Bolton Wanderers Football Club (BWFC).  Put them through their paces by BWFC Academy coaches and stay in our own De Vere Whites Hotel within Reebok Stadium.  The UK Team Visits are a fantastic way to challenge your players to create a team ethos, to reward them or to even measure their development.

Richard Caldwell

Trinity have fantastic coaches like Neil Higgins and Richard Lambert who put the team through 'their paces' quite adequately in their Wednesday evening training sessions.  Maybe you concentrate on putting your own players through 'their paces', instead of trying to coach other team's players.  That way they might not be languishing down at the bottom of the Premier League.  For your e-mail you've been awarded the red card.  You’re off!

 ** E-MAIL OF THE MONTH **

I’ve made a mistake!

Alright all my old team mates, it's Dennis "Quatro" Katoro here. Just wanted to say a few things to you all really as I didn't get a chance to say a proper goodbye. First of all I miss you all and I'm starting to think I've made a huge mistake. On a footballing front I enjoyed one successful season after another with Trinity and although we failed to win anything we were runners up in the league and in 2 prestigious cup finals, that coupled with top 5 finishes each season. Furthermore I was always top scorer and enjoyed the team’s fluid style that meant even though I did f*ck all for long periods and sometimes disappeared up my own ar*e, I was often able to round off a flowing move by sticking it clinically away. However at my new club we've had a disastrous start losing 4 and drawing one of our opening 5 games, YIKES! Added to that I always knew that I was as popular off the pitch as I was on it. You guys always looked pleased to see me and used to lovingly think of me as a bit of a dude and a lady killer, but not like Peter Sutcliffe. This meant you overlooked the odd indiscretion on a Friday night as part of what made me the free spirited fun guy you all took me for. However, at Rothwell where most of the players didn't do very well at school and some are even less intelligent than Killer and only marginally more intelligent than Fieldy, I am not viewed in quite the same manner. They take my phone off me in the changing rooms and realise I'm not texting anyone at all and lots of them turn up at the various nightspots I claim to go to on a Friday night and either; see that I'm not there and am infact tucked up in bed at my parents house, or that I am there with a couple of gormless looking lads who play for Bank, and no birds. On the plus side I have a new person to have silence filled car journeys with not that moron Pearson. But even this is tinged with a touch of regret as that divvy used to get so excited if I mentioned the fact that I'd had a sh*g this millenium that he'd be all giddy and there's no mouthy, flash, Southerner at Rothwell to make me an empty offer about paying for nights out. All in all I think I might have made a backwards move and in fact Trinity is the best club for developing young talent. Maybe if someone other than Pearson could give me a lift I'd reconsider. But until my return good luck in all games lads, it could be a huge season.

D. Katoro. Morley

It takes a brave man to admire they've made a mistake.  You were always a valued member of the Trinity squad Denis and I'm sure they'd be happy to see you return.  For your message you've been awarded e-mail of the month!

Well Done!

I was fortunate enough to see some of Trinity's 2nd XI game a week last Saturday against Roundhegians. It was a game played in an excellent spirit and with no little skill. Much of the free flowing fair minded feel to the game was down to the excellent young referee. I was delighted to see a young man refereeing a game as football needs some younger officials. Imagine my surprise when I discovered that the Ref was in fact only standing in as the designated referee didn't turn up. My admiration for this young man only increased when I realised that he was also, normally, Trinity's goalkeeper. His affiliation to his team made no impression on his decisions. Please pass on my congratulations to this fine young man whose name I didn't catch. He was a credit to himself and his club.

Colin, Roundhay

Lee Field was the person who stood in as referee.  When others might have shied away from the responsibility he stepped in and did an excellent job. 

I was delighted to read on the news about your AGM that Gareth Curran has thankfully been re-instated to his rightful position as Social Secretary. Gareth was, as I understand it, controversially ousted from this position last year despite the loyal support of some of colleagues proud of their Irish heritage and delighted to see "one of their own" on the com it tay (Gardiner and Travers). However unfortunately Gareth was stabbed in the back by Paul McIntyre who's ancestors, despite being Irish, used to lead the British army to the doors of his own people and have them dragged out of their beds in front of their 18 simpleton children, and shot in the street. His act of treachery came as a surprise to no one with a sense of history. That said Gareth is back now and has replaced mumbling, googly eyed, socially inept Robbie Pearson, who's only contributions were; a couple of half a*sed nights out over a 7 month period; a botched up end of season trip that almost no one went on (and no one who is a laugh did go on) and to get the only player he used to give a lift to, Dennis, to f*ck off and join someone else so he didn't have to listen to his incoherent, expletive riddled, mumbles any longer. The reinstatement of Gareth is a positive step forward for the club, well done to all who attended the AGM and didn't take any sh*t from that Tans b*stard, Paul McIntyre.

I. R. Ayy. Meanwood 

Gareth Curran is sure to a great job as social secretary, though Robbie Pearson did contribute in his own special way.

Eh up!

Just come across your site (after having it pointed out to me by Martin
Barrett at work).

Good to see all you lads still playing at your age, now watch you don't
break something! You obviously have f*ck' all else to do with your time!  Anyone know if Rich Timoney is still working in Leeds or has he f*cked off
to Australia like Tony Holmes?

Mickey Pentland

Good to here from you Mickey.  Rich Timoney is still residing in the Leeds area and is still selling insurance aplenty! 

I happened upon a game near my home the other week, Trinity vs Roundhegians and it was a good open game of football, a credit to parks footy. However one thing disturbed me, the Ref. These days referees get a lot of stick and if they're like this one they deserve it. This fat b*stard huffed and puffed his way through the game, clearly to unfit to stay up with the pace of the game. He also seemed so thick he sometimes struggled to know which end of the whistle to blow through. Shouldn't these guys have to pass some sort of fitness test first so the players don't have suffer his whistles from 75 yards away as he pants out some illiterate decision. Sort it out F.A.

A critical observer, Leeds

Lee Field who refereed that game was a last minute replacement as the referee didn't turn up.  Despite being injured Lee stepped in and did what many observers considered as an excellent job, especially as he isn't a regular referee.  Rather than being condemned Lee should be praised for his efforts.

Hi, my name is Alan, and I'm about to do some presentations around the country for BUNAC, you may have heard of us we provide students with opportunities to work in North America. Basically I've got my presentation pretty down pat, but I'd like to inject a bit of humour in to it and I was wondering if any of your players had some hilarious stories relating to work they've done in America. A rib tickling sun burn related story, perhaps; or a story about being in an open top car and getting sunburn and wind swept hair; or a rubber ring and sunburn related story; or a speed gun and shooting a soccer ball, sun burn related story; or even if it's just a story about funny Americans you met...and sunburn.  Any help in this department would be greatly appreciated.

Alan

A few of the current Trinity squad have had coaching experience in America and may be able to offer some relevant anecdotes.  Chris Gardiner, Paul McIntyre and Jim Mullowney ventured out there a few years ago.  However Tom Marston might be your best bet as he went in the summer and usually has a few interesting tales to tell. 

I was out in Leeds the other night when some bloke came out of a bar and was iniberated and he offered to tear me a new a*sehole, which was very nice of him. As it turned out he had no surgical training as when he performed the 'surgery' he just simply punched me repeatedly in the face til I went down then he shoed me over and over in the face. When I came 2 I had the same a*sehole and there was no evidence of a new one. I send this out as a warning to everyone, don't take people claims to be able to perform complicated surgery at face value there's a lot of cowboys out there.

Jonsey, Leeds  

Unfortunately in today's society there are people who just want to cause trouble on a night when other people are trying to enjoy themselves.  Possibly there should be more police 'on the beat' as the phrase goes.  Possibly parents need to instill more discipline into their children at a younger age, instead of arguing and getting divorced.  There doesn't appear to be a clear answer.

Alright lads, I must admit I do enjoy reading your website and it does make me and some of the other lads chuckle. However I can't help thinking it's gonna be the only good thing to come out of your club this season. I see you lot being more of a soft touch than usual, who'll play some pretty stuff and destroy the odd team, like you did to Huddersfield Ammers, but when it comes the nitty gritty and the more physical games (like against us) you won't have what it takes, bottle. If I have to make a prediction now I would say bottom 4, with a lack of goals being the issue. You might prove me wrong, but I sincerely doubt it. All the best for your season of under achievement

A Y. Bank player?

Only time will tell how Trinity will perform.  However one thing for sure is they'll be trying their best , which is all anyone can expect!

Gutted!

I don't know if this is the right website for this but I am absolutely devastated about Jose Mourinho leaving Chelsea and I'm not even a Chelsea fan, or a football fan, although I did enjoy the film Bend it Like Beckham, apart from the rather woody performance by Jonathan Rhys Myers assistant. When I heard the news it reminded me of when Lady Diana died and I was distraught and was convinced I'd never get over it. However in time I did, but then the Queen Mother died and I was sure I'd never recover, but eventually I did.  But now I don't know how I'm meant to cope with this latest tragedy. But I'll probably get over it.

Brian, Bradford

It was a surprise when Mourinho left Chelsea.  But it just goes to show that anything can happen in football!

** Red Card **

B*NDERS AND F*GGOTTS!

I'LL TELL YOU LOT SUMMAT AND YOU MIGHT NOT F*CKING LIKE IT BUT I COULDN'T GIVE A F*CK (I'M WRITING IN CAPITALS BECAUSE IT'S THE E-MAIL EQUIVALENT OF SHOUTING AND YOU LOT P*SS ME OFF). I'VE GOT 2 WORDS FOR YOU LOT, B*N DERS, COS THAT'S WHAT YOU ARE. YOU WON'T WIN F*CK ALL, UNLESS YOU'VE ENTERED A CROCHET COMPETITION, FOR B*NDERS. YOUR 1ST TEAM HAS GOT A LOAD OF NONCES LIKE THAT GINGER DIVVY IN MIDFIELD WHO THINKS HE'S A LABOUR PARTY CONFERENCE EVERYTIME SOMEONE CALLS HIM A T*AT, WHICH IS ALL THE TIME, THAT BIG NOSED ASIAN DIVVY, WHO'S GOT A BIG NOSE, THAT BIG POSH GIT AT THE BACK WHO'D BE BETTER SUITED TO MINCING ABOUT ON A HORSE BLOWING HIS HORN TO CHASE FOXES, THAT BALD PR*T WHO THINKS HE'S CHAS AND DAVE AND THAT IRISH DIVVY UPFRONT WHO THROWS HIS GORMLESS FACE INTO HIS OWN BOOT, OR SUMMAT. ANYWAY WITH ALL THESE AND THAT BIG HEADED PRICK IN MIDFIELD AND A COUPLE OF BEARDY RAPISTS PATROLLING THE TOUCHLINE YOU WILL DRY HUMPED EVERY WEEK, STARTING NEXT WEEK AGAINST GILDERSOME. YOUR 2ND TEAM IS 1-11 PANSIES, UNLESS NEIL IS WEARING 12 IN WHICH CASE IT'S 1-12. SEE YOU IN SENIOR B WHEN YOU GET RELEGATED F*GGOTS.

Criticising a team for the way they play is acceptable but abusing individuals is completely out of order.  For your comments  you've been awarded the red card.  You’re off!

 ** E-MAIL OF THE MONTH **

Enough is a p*ff!

Right you lot I've tried to keep a lid on it cos some of the lads on factory floor said I were been a bit harsh on you an that in past, but over last couple of weeks I thought f*ck it, I'm gonna tell this lot exactly what I think of em, P*FFS, that's what I think, but there's more to what I think and your getting that as well, but you're probably used to getting shafted you lot. I thought things would get better last season when Killer came back 'cos he's a right thick c*nt and I thought he'd stop you lot n*ncing on. The signs were really good when he was on the YOBL website rubbing shoulders with the likes of the Western lads, cos they come from round Halton, Seacroft and that, and he was doing the ha ha's an that, so nice one Killer. You've even added to your brigade with Leroy, Rayon and Fieldy who's got one on his leg which is well f*cking working class, one you can see, when he plays for 5 minutes every 2nd week, not like Jordans f*ggoty one on his upper thigh. I tattooed me face on to my ar*e and my ar*e on to my face, cos I don't give a f*ck. So all the signs were good, more divvy's with little or no education, connections with a team of nutters, stroll on, but if you dint go and n*nce it all up. 

First of all you've still got regular b*m bandits Neil (and s*ck your boyfriend off), An(g)us, and Gweg, mincing around the pitch, where nobody's afraid of them til they put on there gimp masks for the shower and try to pass em off as leather shower caps. But as I tried to be more supportive I figured you can't just get rid of these t*rd pushers just yet as at least they turn up every week, even if it is only to shower. Ar*e Invaders aside, it is all going south of the waistline for you lot. That new n*nce Marsden thinks he's in a debating society everytime someone calls him a c*nt, so he ends up having a lot of debates let me tell you. WORSE than that though is on a Sunday when any self respecting footy lad is getting bladdered on an all-dayer and then going to sort out some t*rt at Winston's in such a way that she ends up paying him, what does the Rubber Ring Boy do? He takes himself off to run for some namby pamby charity, not that impressive mate even Michael Watson managed that and he's a mentalist. Just bung a load of shrapnel in some old birds collection box when she come's round the local on a Sunday when we're all trying to getting in to Stig's younger sister, p*ssed up, listening to some 43 old moustachioed DJ, talking over Hi-Ho-Silver-Lining at 1.30 in afternoon, thats f*cking charity mate. 

But that great big posh n*ncy boy isn't the one who's got my muscles flexing in anger, no f*cking chance. I've long since criticised you bunch of lipstick loving pansies for not piling into the opposition, on mass, everytime one of you gets tackled, but, in fairness you've always had one or two who'll have a go. Macca and Gardiner once ran at an entire Otley run, 2 of who had pool cues and disarmed the hilariously dressed, brown tipped c*cked, individuals and sent them on there Merrydown drinking way. Jordan later brought them all back after a 'chat'. Mullers is no mug and I'm sure has done his fair share of head bashing at The Broadway or Tommy Wass's and Pearson will spit at any lass when he's p*ssed up. But 2 lads I thought would be well up for a rumble, if anyone looked in the same compass direction as their bird happened to be in, is Jordan and Leroy. Both have got tats, both have got muscular physiques, ones got a skinhead and one comes from a tough inner-city background and they BOTH listen to Hip-hop (although one of them, not called Leroy, comes across as a bit of an ar*e for doing it as he lives in Allwoodley). Put all that together and I'd be thinking, "COME AND AVE A GO IF YOUR F*CKING DAFT ENOUGH" Unfortunately someone did come and have a go, seperately at these 2 great black and white hopes for Trinity's hard man image. First of all some bloke from the ethically diverse area of Bramley, smashed Leroy in the face. When I witnessed this I thought, unlucky mate, you've just guaranteed yourself a couple of weeks of semolina at Jimmy's. But no Leroy ran backwards in to a bunch of Trinity players waiting to feel him up and proceeded to start shouting "let me go, I'm gonna waste him" to some invisible men. He then left the pitch ordering the ref to send him off, he didn't, and he went back on and finished the game without reaping revenge. I thought F*CK ME, but worse was to come as it turned out this 6 1/2 stone hardman from Bramley had done Leroy the previous year as well. I thought things were gonna get really messy when I seen fellow inner-city tattooed youth, Rayon charging over to help his stricken mate, but it turned out he only wanted to help him re-apply his lippy. I was feeling angry and low after this major let down and, despite being Trinity's greatest fan, thought strongly about not watching you anymore. 

However a glance at the fixture list showed me that you were coming up against a bunch of scrappers in the form of St. Nic's, a chance to get back the Trinity rep of "Mad" Frankie Foster, Tony "Break your legs" Hegarty, Finbarr "toe bung the ball in to touch" Laverty and Andy "Lowey" Lowe, who used to scare the wits out of any team they faced, apparantly. During the 1st half an incident happened that had me salivating with excitement, I was unbuttoning my Ben Sherman shirt, dusting of my rockports and shining my sov's in anticipation of a free for all when I seen Trinity's self proclaimed avenging angel, Matthew Jordan take a humiliating slap to the chops. The perpetrator of this ill advised attack was a rotund St. Nic's full back, who waddled forward and threw a slow fleshy fist in the general direction of Trinity's glorious leader. It connected and immediately the fat b*stard was out of breath after this exertion, which didn't even involve the reward of a pie at the end of it, and was there for the taking. I turned to Mugsy, Mental, Slasher, GBH and Martin Clubbs and said "F*ck me, old Fat Controller is in for a pasting now". Martin immediately informed us he couldn't get involved and pointed to a graze on his left knee as evidence that he was caught in the crossfire at Dunblane, or something, and as a result is unable to fight. I said no need mate "Old Mr. Blobby there will end up in the same place as one of the last contestants on Noel's House Party after his indiscretion." I could not believe my Kestrel Super filled eyes, when I saw St. Nic's (very) full(,) back blubber back in to position unharmed. He wobbled his way through the remaining 87 mins throwing his cuddly frame at any player who touched the ball 11 mins previously, and colliding with them, without Captain Fantastic ever taking revenge. This for me and the lads was the last straw, I went straight home after the game, via, The Traveller's Rest, The Lion and Lamb, The Dog and Gun, The Shaftsbury, The Starlight and Winston's and kicked sh*te out of my 3 rottwielers I was so p*ssed off. I gave you a chance, you set of p*ffs, I even made allowances for the number of raving Hom's you already have at the club, cos I thought you were moving in the right direction, but the only direction you lot are moving in is the direction of your boyfriends crotches. My patients are at the end of their tether, sort it out Trinity or I'm gonna take my loyal support elsewhere, like Stanningley, cos they realise football is less about results and more about running around like divvy's trying and failing to kick everyone. BENTOS, BENTOS

R Sole, Seacroft 

Thanks for you views.  It must be stated that Trinity wouldn't have finished in the top five of Senior A for three successive  seasons if they were a 'soft' team.  They are full of quality players who can play good football as well as being brave enough to look for the ball when the tackles are flying.  However for supporting your opinions with detailed examples you've been awarded e-mail of the month!

Trinity Memories

I played under the John Neary(rip) you win some you lose some..era...76-80 at TASC and I seem to remember we played fast flowing silk like football with the likes of Pop Robson, gentle Phil ( come on get up you’re a sh*te keeper you know it was your fault!) Gazza, Brian (Irish) and that giant of a man Eugene Rybiki. We had a few games with the Trinity O.B. and I seem to remember them being hoofers and cutting the pitch up good and proper as well as leaving the changing rooms filthy and stinky!

Anyway I then went on to play my best football with Salendine Nook O.B. great bunch of lads...but I'm really pleased to hear you’re going strong and keeping Trinity going. Well done and great website!

Paul Collins

Thanks for your e-mail Paul.  Let's hope Trinity remain strong for a few more years yet! 

Farsley Celtic!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Rock!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Come on!!!!!!!!!!

League footy this season!!!!!!!

Garry Doherty

Yes Farsley Celtic have done well over the last few seasons.  If they continue to progress they'll soon be be playing local derbies against Leeds United!  

I need a football club to play for.  I am from Nigeria. My name is Chinedum.

Chinedum

Thanks for you enquiry Chinedum.  E-mail your phone number to Trinity FC Online and we'll get a member of Trinity's management team to contact you. 

It's good to see Gareth Curran back as Trinity's social secretary.  No doubt there'll  be a social occasion every fortnight knowing him.  One thing for sure is the club will definitely be a livelier, happier place with him back in the driving seat (with respect to the previous social secretary Robbie Pearson who's a great lad, but probably suits his new position as kitman more).

Deano

With Gareth expected to appear more regularly this season Trinity are set to benefit from his presence both on and off the pitch.

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Your service sounds fantastic.  I'm sure the Trinity coaching staff will be in touch if they need your assistance.  

** Red Card **

Is Prague a g*y haven?

I am a Trinity player who would like to raise a point regarding some of the recent emails that have been posted on the website. As what I am about to say may seem controversial I would for now prefer to remain anonymous.

I very much enjoy playing for Trinity and would recommend the club to anybody thinking of joining but I am finding it increasingly difficult to look my team mates in the eye. Every week I read about the exploits of the numerous h*mosexual members of the team and I can't help but think that we are rapidly approaching the line that should not be crossed! Think about it, are we going to enter the Yorkshire g*y league soon? I have nothing against f*iry boys and so long as I don't have to watch their nocturnal shenanigans I am happy to live and let live......But come on lads, how many qu**rs do we let into our club before we become a laughing stock????

When I think of going on Trinity trips such as Prague I find myself lying awake at night worrying about the rooming arrangements. What if one of the numerous fags on the team such as, Higgo, Gus, Ryan, Beattie, Turner, Gardner or Pearson (to name just a few) were to be placed in a room with me or another very heterosexual member of the team! After a few beers they might get frisky and think all's fair game when on tour!!!!!!!!! 

I don't wish to cause any offence or start internal bickering but I believe that I am not alone in my ever increasing worries about the future direction of our club.

A concerned man

Your e-mail is completely out of order.  Most of the Trinity are married and are in long-term relationships with lovely ladies.  Other single members of the squad have been known to make courtships with females.  For your comments  you've been awarded the red card.  You’re off!